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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 02-27-2017, 09:07 AM
tmsrtl tmsrtl is offline
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Default change final settlement for access

the final minutes of settlement regarding access are two years old, I have the kids EOW and Wednesday evening, every other Wed overnight. I would like to ask for more access, even if it is just the additional night I have to kids in my care anyways. (they are 12 & 14 and already "nicely" influenced)

Mediation is useless, with more fairytale stories brought against me.

What would I need to take it in my own hands, what form? Is it actually doable to self represent, or do you need 8 brains to do so ? :-)

Yes, I could ask a lawyer, but rather spend the money on ice cream on the kids or books in a few years during university.

Thank you all!
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Old 02-27-2017, 10:07 AM
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You will have to give some pretty strong reasons why, given that the settlement is so recent. Were there any significant & unforeseen changes in circumstances since settlement? The (mild) alienation angle is useless to you.

Your barriers are
1) if the kids aren't on board, then it is pointless. And assuming your ex drags it out in court for 2 years, your kids definitely won't be on board, and they will have even more say. You are just giving your ex another reason to increase her 'influence'.
2) you are likely asking to go beyond the 40% time threshold, at which she risks having to accept set-off CS (i.e. your amount payable is reduced by her CS table amount from her income)

Of course, none of this is fair/right/just, but again that's irrelevant.
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Old 02-27-2017, 10:44 AM
trinton trinton is offline
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you have a couple of options.

Your easiest route is to simply get the mother of your children to sign a new agreement with you. You should start by sending her a letter/email with your proposed schedule changes, and see what she says. Keep it very friendly polite, yet firm as it is something that may go in front of a judge.

If you get a polite f%^$ Off, then you can file a motion to change.

but first, is there anything in your order that allows access terms to be revisited? If not, you will need to prove/establish a material change in circumstances effecting the child, or your ability to meet their needs, which was not foresean when the initial order was made a couple of years ago.

Your best evidence would be the children wanting to spend more time with you. Your children's voice would be best put forward through the OCL. You could ask for the OCL at your case confernece. If your ex doesn't agree to the OCL you will need to file a motion for it.

any schedule changes for children, mom, or yourself? any new relationships effecting the child? any changes in the children? any 3rd parties raise concerns? how are they doing in school? are they thriving? are they depressed? What are the doctors saying? Is this simply the case of the children being 12 and wanting to have more time with you? If they want to live with you, then you should go for sole custody.
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Old 02-27-2017, 12:14 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tmsrtl View Post
(they are 12 & 14 and already "nicely" influenced)
Does that mean that they want to live with you, or that they have been alienated?

If the kids do not want to live with you, you have no chance.

If the kids do want to live with you, that could be a reasonable change of circumstances.

If the kids are ambivalent, I'm going to have to go with "no chance in hell" again given that the final settlement is so recent.
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Old 03-01-2017, 05:43 PM
tmsrtl tmsrtl is offline
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the kids are actually fine, one of them is "well trained" from the other parent, and the other kid keeping the voice down...... do they "want" to stay with me more? I am not sure; if they are hearing things and are being influenced. what else can I do, just watch and see the brain-washing take place?
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Old 03-01-2017, 06:16 PM
trinton trinton is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tmsrtl View Post
the kids are actually fine, one of them is "well trained" from the other parent, and the other kid keeping the voice down...... do they "want" to stay with me more? I am not sure; if they are hearing things and are being influenced. what else can I do, just watch and see the brain-washing take place?

if your children don't want to spend more time with you or live with you, then what is your material change?

work with a therapist to come up with strategies against the alienation.

the court isn't going to change the order if the kids are "fine".

i take it yours kids aren't fine. that you need to get evidence of. you can start the court process to protest and the kids may end up deciding they want to spend equal time with both of you.
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  #7  
Old 03-21-2017, 07:41 PM
tmsrtl tmsrtl is offline
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I came back from mediation....

so far I have the kids OEW and every Wed evening, every other Wed overnight, every other Tuesday evening...

I asked her that the kids can stay overnight, her answer "NO"

minutes of settlement are two years old, kids "nicely" influenced so I do not think they "want" to stay more, they are drilled!

What are the chances o fight for that? Can I ask you for your opinions please!?
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Old 03-21-2017, 11:11 PM
trinton trinton is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tmsrtl View Post
I came back from mediation....

so far I have the kids OEW and every Wed evening, every other Wed overnight, every other Tuesday evening...

I asked her that the kids can stay overnight, her answer "NO"

minutes of settlement are two years old, kids "nicely" influenced so I do not think they "want" to stay more, they are drilled!

What are the chances o fight for that? Can I ask you for your opinions please!?
How are the kids doing in school?
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Old 03-21-2017, 11:44 PM
tmsrtl tmsrtl is offline
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fortunately they are doing good!
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  #10  
Old 03-22-2017, 12:15 AM
trinton trinton is offline
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you're only chance at getting more time with your kids is becoming closer with them to the point that they want more time with you.

it's not that hard.

1. hire a very really smart therapist who knows a lot and has worked with victims of violence, rape, young children, separated parents, etc. and meet with her regularly. Once or twice a month.

2. start taking parenting classes ,lots and lots of them

3. laugh like there is no tomorrow with your kids

4. show them what a great dad you are.

5. wait.
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