I am in need of some advise. Lots of details, apologies in advance.
Have 50/50 access with D’s 9 & 4, shared custody of D4 , mother has sole of D9 (long story, D9 is not biologically mine & bio-dad has rights…mom claims she can’t find him, but talks to him on facebook…we found this out after through a mutual friend etc…)
Final order signed June 2014, I adhered to all my provisions, support, life ins, medical benefits, day care fees , sec 7 etc…. ex however has not paid her share of babysitting fees nor part of the divorce costs nor section 7.
Mom is relentless and will not stop filling their heads with garbage. Some examples..
- Ex has made racial comments to my spouse about her daughter in the past, police were called (they consider any racial comments a hate crime, and truthfully my spouse was so upset she had to call them to protect herself) nothing was done. Now anytime D4 sees a “black” person or something on TV she points out my step daughter. D4 claims she does not like my step daughter anymore because her mommy doesn’t like her. She says her mommy says my step daughter is bad and D4 should just stick with her sister.
- There was a situation with a stuffy that D4 brought to my place, we forgot to send it back with her…these things happen. I received 2 x 5 minute long voicemails of screaming, name calling…you name it. Demanding I put the stuffy in the mailbox and she would pick it up Friday night….we didn’t reply back to the voicemails just put the stuffy in the mailbox. She didn’t end up coming to get it. Sunday I get a voicemail from D4 saying that she wants her stuffy and mom is coming to pick it up, mom is in the background telling her what to say. Fine…stuffy is still in the mailbox and they do pick it up this time. Monday I pick her up from school and she’s upset, doesn’t want to come to me when I ask her what is wrong she said it’s because I wouldn’t bring her, her special stuffy.
- D4 tells me that her mommy says she never had a daddy and that is okay….I am not sure where she was going with this and I didn’t want to pry.
- D4 wakes up every night we have hr screaming for us (she sleeps in her own bed in our room) D9 tells us that it is because their mom always goes out at night after they go to bed and grandma who lives in the basement “listens” for them.
- D4 is terrified of doors being closed, to the point of hysterics, D9 says this is because she gets locked in her room at their mothers.
- D4 is terrified about not being let out of the car, she repeatedly asks as soon as we turn down the street to home or school. It has gotten to now we unbuckle her car seat before we get out but she is still in hysterics by the time we walk around the car to let her out.
- Ex tells D9 that my spouse could never be her step mother because I am not her real father.
- D9 was texting my spouse on her mother’s access weekend, just pleasantries, Hi, what are you doing, I miss you etc… my spouse replies with simple but loving gestures so to not ignore the child but respecting it is her mothers time with her daughter. Her mother blocks my spouse from her ipod and tells me that D9 says my spouse is bothering her when D9 never said that.
- Ex pretends to be D9 and texts me on her access weekend with dumb stuff….saying I’m stupid and annoying trying to sound like a kid but D9 would never say that.
- We have never stopped ex from calling the children on our access days or holidays but when we try to call (on D4’s birthday and Christmas morning for example) she does not answer
- If its too cold out or snowy ex doesn’t take the children to school (they literally live a 5 minute walk away but she drives them when she does take them).
- She will keep them home from school for what she calls a “mental health day” where she sleeps all day and has D9 take care of D4 BUT is able to take her youngest child (also not mine) to daycare. This is according to D9.
I am at a point where this is upsetting our lives. I don’t know whether to ignore it…is this the nature of the beast or if I should attempt to get some professional assistance. There is no talking to the ex, she will say her piece via text or email or voicemail but then blocks me so she doesn’t get my reply anyhow.
Have 50/50 access with D’s 9 & 4, shared custody of D4 , mother has sole of D9 (long story, D9 is not biologically mine & bio-dad has rights…mom claims she can’t find him, but talks to him on facebook…we found this out after through a mutual friend etc…)
Final order signed June 2014, I adhered to all my provisions, support, life ins, medical benefits, day care fees , sec 7 etc…. ex however has not paid her share of babysitting fees nor part of the divorce costs nor section 7.
Mom is relentless and will not stop filling their heads with garbage. Some examples..
- Ex has made racial comments to my spouse about her daughter in the past, police were called (they consider any racial comments a hate crime, and truthfully my spouse was so upset she had to call them to protect herself) nothing was done. Now anytime D4 sees a “black” person or something on TV she points out my step daughter. D4 claims she does not like my step daughter anymore because her mommy doesn’t like her. She says her mommy says my step daughter is bad and D4 should just stick with her sister.
- There was a situation with a stuffy that D4 brought to my place, we forgot to send it back with her…these things happen. I received 2 x 5 minute long voicemails of screaming, name calling…you name it. Demanding I put the stuffy in the mailbox and she would pick it up Friday night….we didn’t reply back to the voicemails just put the stuffy in the mailbox. She didn’t end up coming to get it. Sunday I get a voicemail from D4 saying that she wants her stuffy and mom is coming to pick it up, mom is in the background telling her what to say. Fine…stuffy is still in the mailbox and they do pick it up this time. Monday I pick her up from school and she’s upset, doesn’t want to come to me when I ask her what is wrong she said it’s because I wouldn’t bring her, her special stuffy.
- D4 tells me that her mommy says she never had a daddy and that is okay….I am not sure where she was going with this and I didn’t want to pry.
- D4 wakes up every night we have hr screaming for us (she sleeps in her own bed in our room) D9 tells us that it is because their mom always goes out at night after they go to bed and grandma who lives in the basement “listens” for them.
- D4 is terrified of doors being closed, to the point of hysterics, D9 says this is because she gets locked in her room at their mothers.
- D4 is terrified about not being let out of the car, she repeatedly asks as soon as we turn down the street to home or school. It has gotten to now we unbuckle her car seat before we get out but she is still in hysterics by the time we walk around the car to let her out.
- Ex tells D9 that my spouse could never be her step mother because I am not her real father.
- D9 was texting my spouse on her mother’s access weekend, just pleasantries, Hi, what are you doing, I miss you etc… my spouse replies with simple but loving gestures so to not ignore the child but respecting it is her mothers time with her daughter. Her mother blocks my spouse from her ipod and tells me that D9 says my spouse is bothering her when D9 never said that.
- Ex pretends to be D9 and texts me on her access weekend with dumb stuff….saying I’m stupid and annoying trying to sound like a kid but D9 would never say that.
- We have never stopped ex from calling the children on our access days or holidays but when we try to call (on D4’s birthday and Christmas morning for example) she does not answer
- If its too cold out or snowy ex doesn’t take the children to school (they literally live a 5 minute walk away but she drives them when she does take them).
- She will keep them home from school for what she calls a “mental health day” where she sleeps all day and has D9 take care of D4 BUT is able to take her youngest child (also not mine) to daycare. This is according to D9.
I am at a point where this is upsetting our lives. I don’t know whether to ignore it…is this the nature of the beast or if I should attempt to get some professional assistance. There is no talking to the ex, she will say her piece via text or email or voicemail but then blocks me so she doesn’t get my reply anyhow.
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