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What would you do? Food issues!

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  • What would you do? Food issues!

    How would you handle this?

    My child is in with a counsellor. One of the issues is her eating. When she is at mom's they do pizza, subs, chips, pop, ext. (I have no idea what they eat this was just what child told the counsellor) At my home we do a lot of veg, beans, whole wheat, and meats.

    Counsellor met with child, then met with mom, my wife, then me and child together. I don't know what she said to mom. My wife said that if it will help the eating that child could go shopping with her and they could pick more of the foods child likes but the counsellor said no as she thinks that child can't live on those foods and it was mom's choice on her time but that keep providing the foods that we are. Then child and I met with counsellor to come to an agreement and it was decided that she would eat the foods provide at least 50% of her meal. That she was going to keep a journal of the foods she liked.

    So today I was at the school and learn that mom came to the school (my parenting day) and sent subway and a bag of chips. I told the school child could not have it, and followed up with mom that she is not to bring lunches on my parenting days, and that we need to work together on the plan the counsellor made. Mom informed me that she does this all the time (I wasn't aware of that) and that she feels its fine and that she will continue to because she wants child to eat that and that child doesn't like my foods.

    Mom keeps messaging me today that she will not teach her child to starve and will continue to do this.

    Child is 10. School is involved and upset that they feel they are in the middle. They just phoned me at home and said they don't want to get involved in food issues. I just told them they don't need to get involved if its mom's day mom provides lunch on my days I do, nothing to get involved about. Mom is telling me that Child will throw out the lunches I provide and ask for snacks at office (office keeps apples and oranges) I have not been told this by office or child.

    What would you do?

    I am saying that mom can feed what she wants on her days but to refrain from providing separate lunches on my days. To not undermine the work on feeding that is happening with the counsellor. That any issues she has with the plan she can discuss with the counsellor.

  • #2
    Please tell us this is getting logged for your next court appearance?

    Also, its nice that mom is letting kid be the boss of her.

    I have nothing helpful to add other than you have got to be kidding me. How can a parent not recognize unhealthy behaviours???

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    • #3
      I find it funny that the school would be uspset when there are dietary restrictions set within schools. Had real fruit snacks sent back one day from school they rejected them as not being healthy...OP can drop off chips without it being an issue. I hope you end up with sole custody soon!

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      • #4
        This is contempt.... latch it on to the previous contempt request....

        Comment


        • #5
          This is crazy. It is completely reasonable for you to provide lunch on your days and mom on hers. Kid is not going to starve or suffer if she doesn't get fast food every day.

          The school is in an awkward position though if Mom comes by on your days with food for Kid. It's not their job to send her away. Perhaps they could hold the food in the school office (if that's where Mom comes) and give it to Kid at the end of the day, so as not to displace your lunch?

          If Kid throws out your lunches, Kid will be hungry during the day (maybe supplemented with fruit from school office) and eventually will learn not to throw out good lunches. No harm will be done.

          I can't imagine where Kid is getting her eating issues from ...

          Comment


          • #6
            If kid is going to office for apples and oranges pack apples and oranges.

            Since when is a sub terrible for you?

            Is she bringing a bit family sized chip bag every day? Likely not. WHO cares.

            This is nonsense. The mom of my step children cooks everything out of a box. Often they have not one fresh anything in their lunches. They feed of lunchables and honestly things I cannot identify (little sausages that are all stuck in a strip fresh out of the package and still look fine if left in a school bag for two months lol). The kids are STILL alive believe it or not! They probably eat more sodium in a day than they should have in a month. So be it. We say nothing.

            Comment


            • #7
              My issue is not what the food is. My issue is that my daughter has eating issues. She is seeing a counsellor and a plan was put into place. Mom is going against the plan and that is undermining the work being done with the counsellor.

              However for the record, I do feel that white bread, chips, and heavy salt filled sauces are not healthy and not what I provide. I know that I can not stop mom from feeding what she wants, and I don't even attempt to but I don't want the message being sent to child that if she doesn't like what I feed, she doesn't need to stick to the agreements with me or counsellor and can then get what she wants from mom.

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              • #8
                I've not been following your story - what issues with food does your child have? Fyi, all/most kids have issues with food....

                Does this counselor specialize in food affliction and eating disorders?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Child is not eating, hiding food, and has lost some weight. Counsellor did a needs assessment with child and identified one of the issues is around eating. There are a few other issues as well so the entire focus is not eating. However last weeks session was completely around food and eating issues.

                  The counsellor is an aboriginal youth, mental health and addition worker. She does have experience with eating disorders.

                  Comment

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