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Moving on....Final Minutes of Settlement (for now)

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  • #76
    Your long battle is over. Sure you will have some minor skirmishes over the next few years. But you have 50/50 and school and mobility restrictions. I would think your ex will get tired of taking her to any sort of therapy as its not going to change your joint shared custody now.

    As for the long weekends. I would stick to the agreement regardless of holidays, long weekends or any other event. Your days are yours and hers are hers. Eventually the days will change and you will get Christmas Day as it will be on your day.

    They are just like any other day if you think about it. I have recently had Christmas on Dec 15, Dec 22 and Dec 29. Still had a tree, presents, stockings and all the trimmings. It was great.

    I think your ex is opening herself up to a lot of regrets in the future. Kids are not stupid. They are loyal and have the memories of elephants. They figure things out quite quickly.

    My Mom turns 90 in a couple of weeks and she is going to have a birthday party now and then in the summer my family from UK are arriving and we will have another celebration. Just like the queen. The little cousins arriving will think it's her real birthday and who will try to explain the legalities of it all.

    Enjoy, relax, sleep well.

    Comment


    • #77
      Originally posted by stripes View Post
      It's possible for an organized activity to be neither educational nor medical. What about Girl Guides? Or a Big Brother/Big Sister programme?

      I enrolled my kid in a weekly children-of-divorce group back in the early days where they talked about feelings, stress, etc. I did get my ex's consent before doing so because I thought it was the right thing to do in my situation, but there were lots of other parents with much more hostile situations (including domestic violence situations) who did not get the other parent on board, and this was fine. If it had been necessary that both parents consented, half the kids in the group would not have been there. Similarly, in the case of a shelter, it is simply unrealistic to expect that both parents will agree to a child participating in programmes at the shelter. If both parents could agree, one of them wouldn't be living in the shelter.

      The shelter is not a party to LF's order, so they can't be in contempt of it. The services being offered are not medical or educational, there is no evidence they are harmful to Kid, and they're within the shelter's mandate. By all means LF should bring this up with Mom if he objects and maybe she will agree to remove Kid from these programmes, but there is nothing illegal happening here.
      Health Care is mentioned in my order. Mental health is still health care. Also, it certainly does fall under educational. My ex said the shelter woman is trying to "teach" (educate) coping strategies. The centers subjective sentence that "it is not life altering" also insinuates that they can tell what the child perceives to be life altering. What one child finds life altering .. another may not.

      It's in the Shelter's mandate to exclude fathers from any knowledge or say regarding their own child's mental health interventions. Could you please post your reference to this? I'm very interested.

      If both parents could agree, one of them wouldn't be living in the shelter.
      Just because one parent visits a shelter, they should not automatically be entitled to sole decision making, IMO.

      Comment


      • #78
        Many different programs teach different skills. If mom wanted to put the child is music camp on HER time, there is nothing you can do. It's educational. I think you are confusing what education means. That refers to school, it doesn't refer to every activity the child might attend that teaches them something.

        Music camp, girl guides, swimming, soccer, baseball, art camp, each and every one of those activities (and more) are educational, each and every one of those the child learns somethjng, but if mom put the child in any of those activities on her time,my our have no say. The only time you would have a say is if mom asks you to contribute to the costs of the activity. Just like Dr doing dance on your time, she is learning in that activity, but you don't need mom's consent, as long as it is on your time.

        Sent from my SM-T560NU using Tapatalk

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        • #79
          BF. ....I'm not talking about piano lessons...but if I were I sure as heck wouldn't hire a saxophone player. Also.. there has been no literature illustrating emotional distress following unqualified and irresponsible piano lessons with somebody.

          You can say the counselor is not providing any education or any Medical but in fact she is.
          What I'm saying is not that shocking. I want the piano teacher to teach piano not the saxophone teacher. because that makes no sense and can have serious repercussions.
          Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-20-2016, 08:57 AM.

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          • #80
            No surprise I disagree LF.

            Your child has witnessed verbal abuse and emotional abuse between you and your ex. By your own admission, your ex has you on tape yelling, swearing and name calling towards your ex when your child was there/could overhear. You say ex treated you the same. To me that is not an excuse, it is double affect on D4 (who was 2 at the time) because double the witnessing. No one deserves to be treated that way and no child should have to witness or overhear that.

            You are educated in psychological issues yet stooped to that level in front of your toddler?? You should know better. Witnessing arguing and yelling between the two people the child loves most in the world can have serious repercussions on a young child's psyche too. Guess you have already thought of that.

            Just because you say there was no physical violence in your relationship does not mean there was no abuse.

            Again, so dramatic. What "serious repercussions" have you seen? You say D4 has been attending 'counselling' for a bit. Perhaps the shelter's interventions have actually helped your daughter? Perhaps their work is also partially responsible for the happy, cheerful, well adjusted girl you have?

            Serious repercussions in a child of that age would be demonstrated in behaviour, sleep patterns, mood, eating habits, socialization, interaction with family and peers, alienation, etc. You acknowledge none of that. Children show adverse affects very quickly (as you are aware) especially young ones with little/no coping strategies. Your daughter sounds just fine.

            You have become fixated on the perceived lack of control you have over your ex's decisions and control over the shelter itself. Abuse is rooted in power and control issues (not anger). Just let it go. There is nothing to control here. There is nothing you can do and (other than Tayken and Links who may have their own experiences with the shelter), I don't see where anyone else here or in your real life shares your concern.

            Finally, after pages of posts about how much you want it, not one word about how exchanges are going? How your daughter is handling being bounced from house to house nightly? How has the driving been? Are you getting your phone calls? When is her first day of school? Is she registered? Did you go to meet the teacher?

            Funny how quickly you pushed those more important and current issues aside.......
            Last edited by SadAndTired; 01-20-2016, 10:00 AM.

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            • #81
              Whoa people. We got way off the argument here. LF32 expressed that this organization had asked for his consent, didnt get it and then told him they didnt need his consent. Im sure anyone on here, when told an organization didnt have consent when it was denied and still went forward with the activity would be equally as concerned.

              Lets move on.

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              • #82
                No verbal abuse...no emotional abuse. Tapes edited and tossed. Ex even admitted false.

                Do you even read the threads.

                It scares the be Jesus out of me that D4 could be speaking to somebody like you. What a Friggen nightmare.

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                • #83
                  Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                  Whoa people. We got way off the argument here. LF32 expressed that this organization had asked for his consent, didnt get it and then told him they didnt need his consent. Im sure anyone on here, when told an organization didnt have consent when it was denied and still went forward with the activity would be equally as concerned.

                  Lets move on.
                  Most here wouldn't understand unless my situation happened to them. It's easy to give opinions from the sidelines when it's not your child.

                  Comment


                  • #84
                    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                    Most here wouldn't understand unless my situation happened to them. It's easy to give opinions from the sidelines when it's not your child.

                    Then lets change the subject. How are things going?

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                    • #85
                      Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                      Then lets change the subject. How are things going?
                      You know what Rock? Things are freaking amazing. My ex and I are communicating beautifully, we're both being flexible and respectful of one another. I am really enjoying this. The drama I have in life now are a few posters here who call me an ass, abusive, etc because I'm discussing consent stuff.

                      Im calling the school today to go register D4 tomorrow night or perhaps Friday. Ex and I are going together. D4 is super stoked. I've been playing school with her and D9 at home to prepare her .. (printing off worksheets, etc). Have her new Monster High book bag and everything else.

                      This is an extremely exciting time for any parent. Our little girl is growing up and spreading her wings.

                      It's nice to have her from Tuesday Morning through to Thursday morning, then pick her up Friday morning until Monday morning (alternating weekends). 50/50....maximum contact with both parents are in effect ... and it's just beyond words how happy we all are.

                      Ex asked me if I can take care of getting her immunizations up to date and speaking with the principle of the new school about stuff (I know her and have created several programs for some of the students in her school).

                      Awesome stuff

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                      • #86
                        What school did she end up going to?

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                        • #87
                          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                          What school did she end up going to?
                          So the school choice is not bad at all. It's more or less at a half way point between our homes .. but not in my catchment area. She put in writing that if it didnt work out we could always change later.

                          My choices offered:

                          - attending with her step sister, better programs, transportation taken care of, extended day programs taken care of if needed, etc. I also have more stability with a long term residence and a job with predictable hours. My ex has a month-to-month lease and is still seeking work somewhere in the city.

                          Her only criteria was that the school was in her catchment area. Unfortunately she made it all about her. Oh well.

                          D4's a tad upset that mom wont let her go to the same school as her step sister (the girls were really looking forward to this)...but oh well, she'll get over it.

                          In my view, it's in D4's best interests to be in j/k among her same-age peers, regardless of where it is. I visited the school and it's not bad ...I'm content.

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                          • #88
                            You never know though, she may find a job near the school and end up having d4 switch. Good news is that shes going to school!

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                            • #89
                              Very good news.

                              I got everything I wanted out of this...as well as everything D4 wanted and deserved.

                              I'm very happy.
                              Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-20-2016, 02:36 PM.

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                              • #90
                                You got a very good outcome for Kid and both parents - stable home and education settings, agreement on shared parenting. Well done! And five years from now, none of the niggling stuff that's annoying right now will mean anything.

                                Comment

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