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Parenting Coordinator? Experiences? Terms? Recommendations?

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  • Parenting Coordinator? Experiences? Terms? Recommendations?

    After 7 years the joint decision making is not working still with my ex continuing to make decisions without consent. Settlement conference judge made a recommendation to appoint a parenting coordinator. I found a therapist who does this work, highly recommended. They want a lawyer that has dubious online reviews. Thoughts?

  • #2
    My experience hasn’t been great. My lawyer recommended one strongly, and I listened to her.

    My ex calls her 15-16 times a month over little issues. She splits the bill 50/50 despite having the ability not to, leaving me with a huge bill despite never actually talking to her or her not having done anything besides calm him down. It hasn’t really lessened the conflict, and it’s horribly expensive.


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    • #3
      Originally posted by Abba435 View Post
      After 7 years the joint decision making is not working still with my ex continuing to make decisions without consent. Settlement conference judge made a recommendation to appoint a parenting coordinator. I found a therapist who does this work, highly recommended. They want a lawyer that has dubious online reviews. Thoughts?


      Pick three people and put those forward. Let her pick three people and put those forward. If you can’t agree then present it to the judge for their input.

      If you are dealing with someone who refuses to be reasonable expect that they will pull a stunt like this which is why you pick three neutral, highly regarded people and provide those options. Hell, pick five. Then provide your reasoning on why her single choice is not a good one.

      If you disagree simply because it was her choice then your problem is bigger than this forum can solve.

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      • #4
        This is my concern, a fee sucking setup. The insane thing is we have a very strong parenting plan but my ex just ignores it constantly. Then because she does not want to seek consent for anything dues me for sole custody after 7 years. Family law is such a mess.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
          Pick three people and put those forward. Let her pick three people and put those forward. If you can’t agree then present it to the judge for their input.

          If you are dealing with someone who refuses to be reasonable expect that they will pull a stunt like this which is why you pick three neutral, highly regarded people and provide those options. Hell, pick five. Then provide your reasoning on why her single choice is not a good one.

          If you disagree simply because it was her choice then your problem is bigger than this forum can solve.
          I don't think there are even three reputable coordinators in Ottawa. This is a fee sucking setup for lawyers, nothing beneficial. If I could just get some enforcement teeth into the existing parenting plan clauses but that is impossible.

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          • #6
            What is she making decisions on that you don’t agree with? If it involves money she can’t get you to pay if you don’t agree. Plus if she is suing you for sole custody you will have an opportunity to raise this in court. A parenting coordinator isnt going to stop her. She can agree to having one but still make unilateral decisions. At 7 years your child is probably getting old enough to let their feet do the talking OR you run the risk of destroying the relationship with your child by fighting with your ex.

            Im not saying that she is right, Im saying that sometimes the control and push/pull aspect of co-parenting needs some emotional management to stop it from getting ugly. Ask yourself is fighting with her on unilateral decisions is truly a hill to die on. It may seem like a mountain to you but a judge may see it as a molehill.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by rockscan View Post
              What is she making decisions on that you don’t agree with? If it involves money she can’t get you to pay if you don’t agree. Plus if she is suing you for sole custody you will have an opportunity to raise this in court. A parenting coordinator isnt going to stop her. She can agree to having one but still make unilateral decisions. At 7 years your child is probably getting old enough to let their feet do the talking OR you run the risk of destroying the relationship with your child by fighting with your ex.

              Im not saying that she is right, Im saying that sometimes the control and push/pull aspect of co-parenting needs some emotional management to stop it from getting ugly. Ask yourself is fighting with her on unilateral decisions is truly a hill to die on. It may seem like a mountain to you but a judge may see it as a molehill.
              Long story.
              Changing schools. Changing religions. Takes them to see psychologists etc. Does not give me any notice of medical appointments. Enrols them in sports without consent then tries to get FRO to enforce (they did and then reversed after I made them read the agreement). Then refuses to give passports because she claims section 7 expenses in arrears. Conflation 101 and her lawyer(s) don't set her straight. Moves them 50 k out of my way adn then enrols in sports (no consent) that adds another 80 k for me. Agreement says if no consent for sports then she can go ahead and pay and provide transportation. Refuses transportation so kids scream, I give in and drive but specifically state no consent. They argue implied consent. I ask for sports at mutually convenient location, no response. Pre-trial judges have been shaking their heads but no enforcement orders.

              The parenting plan is very specific, joint decision making with written consent in advance. Equal access to information. Major decisions are all joint with unilateral decision prohibited.

              How do I get an enforcement order into this agreement?

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              • #8
                You’re headed for trial next month, you said judges have all shaken their heads at her. I don’t know if having a PC in the agreement will work. You may want to see about contempt options.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                  You’re headed for trial next month, you said judges have all shaken their heads at her. I don’t know if having a PC in the agreement will work. You may want to see about contempt options.
                  What are the contempt options?

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                  • #10
                    To find her in contempt.

                    Truly though, I think the only thing that will stop her is to take custody from her. Not sure how that happens. You may want to look up Working Dad on this forum as he won custody over his crazy ex. Its not the same as you but there might be something in his case that you could use.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                      To find her in contempt.

                      Truly though, I think the only thing that will stop her is to take custody from her. Not sure how that happens. You may want to look up Working Dad on this forum as he won custody over his crazy ex. Its not the same as you but there might be something in his case that you could use.
                      will do thank you
                      She is definitely contemptuous and her lawyers are also.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                        To find her in contempt.

                        Truly though, I think the only thing that will stop her is to take custody from her. Not sure how that happens. You may want to look up Working Dad on this forum as he won custody over his crazy ex. Its not the same as you but there might be something in his case that you could use.
                        When you say to find her in contempt do I need to file a Motion asking for a contempt order every time she breaches the parenting plan?
                        What I anticipate if I do agree to a PC is she will try to bypass the parenting plan, then bypass the dispute resolution provisions, then run to the PC who then will split the bill no matter who is in breach.

                        So what I need is a rock solid way to have the parenting plan terms enforced.
                        They filed the entire agreement with the court 2 years ago.
                        I don't actually think there is a hope ion hell of me getting sole decision making, but I am adding this to my opening statement.

                        The truly insane part is she is a therapist who advertises expertise in parenting plans!!!! I am asking the trial judge to hold her to a high standard, also in my opening and on examination.

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                        • #13
                          If you have the evidence you can ask for sole custody and decision making in all areas then argue why this is the only solution left. You have to prove you have tried everything else. Contempt is quasi-criminal, therefor the bar is high to find somebody in contempt and even if they are, a judge is often reluctant to make such a finding in case it escalates the conflict further.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Stillbreathing View Post
                            If you have the evidence you can ask for sole custody and decision making in all areas then argue why this is the only solution left. You have to prove you have tried everything else. Contempt is quasi-criminal, therefor the bar is high to find somebody in contempt and even if they are, a judge is often reluctant to make such a finding in case it escalates the conflict further.
                            I do not believe sole custody is the answer or in the interests of the kids. And that is a battle.
                            There must be some judicial order that jut says:
                            Comply with the agreement that YOU signed sections x,y,z
                            If you don't you WILL be in contempt.
                            Frustrating.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                              To find her in contempt.

                              Truly though, I think the only thing that will stop her is to take custody from her. Not sure how that happens. You may want to look up Working Dad on this forum as he won custody over his crazy ex. Its not the same as you but there might be something in his case that you could use.
                              Pleadings are closed so any advice on how to get a claim in for sole custody?
                              I speak to it in my opening statement that I am requesting the judge to consider granting me sole custody in light of the evidence.
                              And the evidence is truly ALL her breaches.
                              I have complied to the letter of the parenting plan.

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