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Hi everyone. So, my ex is very intimidating and if I don't comply to his demands...he does something to cause more conflict. We are in the court process and he has addiction issues and temper issues. He has supervised visits and about a month ago he started being less combative but now it is back to bad again. He kees threatening that if I don't withdraw my claims about his addictions that he will bring up my past. I've had really bad bf's in the past (including him). One had really bad criminal record. One was abusive towards me. My life is completely different now and he can't find anything wrong with my parenting other than he claims I am too cautious about things. Will a judge accept the fact that I dated bad people? I dont' have a criminal record, never been an addict. Could he bring this forward and use it against me?
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I haven't been threatened with that yet, but how would that be relevant to your situation ? Unless you are putting your children in an unsafe environment, with questionable people then what would be the point ? Same as how a judge doesn't care how many affairs that we (or our exes) had...it's irrelevant. -
that is what I am hoping. I just think he is trying to show that I am not perfect. Nobody is though..everyone has something or another in their past. I haven't brought up his past..I am only concerned about the way he is as a parent. He lied on his affadavit and I pointed it out to him that he can't lie under oath..he got really nervous about that and kind of freaked out because he knows the lies can be proven. Now he is trying to scare me with whatever he can.
This whole process is emotionally exhausting.Comment
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i think we all dated someone in our past that wasnt exactly the best person to be with. I had my share of them. Everyone had a past, it is what shapes us into the people we are today. Unless it was someone you are dating now, it is not worth worrying over.
Dont point out things in his affadavit to him that you can prove are lies, you are tipping your hand and you do not want to do that. Save it for the courtroom in front of the judge. You are giving him time know to either correct things or come up with explanations.Comment
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very true about the not giving him a heads up. I just guess I am in denial that it will ever go before a judge. I keep hoping we can resolve things but I really think I am mistaken. He really can't find anything wrong with my parenting and I hope a judge can see that he's desperately trying to make me look bad.
I am asking for joint but I am starting to think that we are never going to be able to work together. I really don't want to ever have to do this process over again.Comment
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He's blowing hot air. Total desperado making desperate, irrelevant allegations. He's well on his way to making a total ass out of himself. Unless Hell's Angels comes and whoops it up w/you every wknd - and with your child in the home - you have nothing to worry about. Do not show any emotional reaction to these baseless accusations. Proof that you are making better choices - you got away from him, didn't you?
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You should fully prepare for going the distance on this one. He's not going to change. Definitely stop tipping your hand. The less said, the better. It is an awful process - you're right. It is very grueling and emotionally draining - I know.
Don't be intimidated by his smoke and mirrors drama. It's called "crazy-making."
My ex did a lot of the same stuff. He's a hopeless moron - what can I say?
You will one day laugh at some of the preposterous garbage he is spewing out. He has shown you over and over, WHO he is. Expect more of the same. Do not kid yourself that he might have an epiphany and change of behavior. He IS who he IS.Comment
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Just deal with it as it comes up. Tell the truth, that in the past, you haven't used the best judgement choosing mates, but your children have never been in danger and you've learned those lessons now and don't plan on repeating them.Comment
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This is exactly right. You really shouldn't be discussing your case with him at all. If he wants to lie under oath, then let him lie under oath. The last thing you want to do is point that out to him. Just do what you do and deal with things as they come.Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View PostComment
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I'll do you one further. Unless you have a line up outside the bedroom door, with a "now serving number" machine, while the guys "recovering" take turns cooking meth in your kitchen...noone cares unless the kids are serving refreshments to the guys waiting in line, or are being taught the finer points of the best meth recipes.Unless Hell's Angels comes and whoops it up w/you every wknd - and with your child in the home
Get the picture? Your ex is about to learn that the court doesn't give a tiny rats ass about who you are screwing (or not screwing). As long as the kids aren't in immediate and provable danger. (and if they are, the VERY first question he'll get to field is...."and have you called CAS?")Comment
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Hahahaha NB: you illustrated the point beautifully! Yes. That about sums it up. My ex tried to put into ppl's minds that I was set to abduct our child and flee to the U.S. He made up so much bullshit, I actually can't remember it all now.
You are getting great advice on here from ppl who have gone through it. Trust in that and concern yourself with you and not with the creative ramblings of an idiot who has nothing relevant or intelligent to say, oath or no oath. Lol, do you think ppl that lie care about OATHS? Answer: They DO NOTComment
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thanks everyone for making me feel better. He has also written stuff about a distant family member that lives 300kms away that is in rehab. Trying to make my family look bad..but everyone else in my family have respectable jobs and are very ethical people.
He didn't read his affadavit too well before signing it...there are mistakes about places, names, times, dates that he acknowledges are errors that his lawyer made. However, when you write a sworn affadavit I would assume you should read it carefully.Comment
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Been there...done that. Only difference is my ex was screwing a paroled felon whose record was that he had shaken his own infant daughter, leading to brain damage. Coincidentally, MY youngest son was the same age as his child was when the assault took place. The ex would leave ALL the kids in the care of this knucklehead for hours at a time, and saw no issue with it.
So I actually had traction to use. *I* called CAS and brought it up every chance that I could.Comment
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NBDad,
Are you serious? Wow..I cannot believe that. I am glad you did something about it. What is wrong with some people!Comment
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I wish I wasn't..but yeah, that's a very VERY small part of it. However...Karma can be an absolute bitch sometimes.
Said knucklehead was also grossly overweight, and had asthma and a bunch of other health issues. That big H1N1 outbreak a couple years back...he wound up catching it and dying from complications.
The only exposure he would have had to it...came from my kids.
I know I shouldn't, but I STILL chuckle to this day when I think of it. He was SUCH a douchebag, and my kids suffered SO much from their mother's relationship with him, that I have a really hard time feeling bad about it.
He stole her welfare check after they had a fight one time. Literally took the food out of my kids mouths....and look what happened.
The guy she rebounded to after that, well, he's not AS MUCH of a dink as the first guy. Still, no 30-year old man should enjoy collecting/playing with the same toys as my 9 year old son. I have no idea where his self respect went, but they are one of those "lifer" welfare couples now, busily sucking at the government teat.Comment
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