Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

canlii access

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • canlii access

    Ok so I was searching Canlii as someone mentioned to do on here regarding access. I am trying to find what is usually ordered for access of a baby. I typed in access baby and access toddler. I was supprised to see that most of the access given in these cases are extremely restricted. Some women and fathers are only getting a weekend every other weekend. Some are getting no overnight until 3 yrs. It doesn't seem to have too much of a bias in favor of woman...but does tend to chose the primary caregiver as primary residence.
    I was shocked at some of the final orders.

    I am mostly concerned that I don't want any sudden change. I would hope that the change to equal parenting would be gradual to help the baby adapt..but didn't find much about leading to a 5050 arrangement with baby.

    It's just basically all every other weekend and sometimes a week night.
    My case there are some safety issues and addiction so I would ask:
    -supervised for with testing (if possible) for as long as they feel necessary
    -then 4 hrs three days a week unsupervised for a month or so
    -then every other weekend and on off weeks one full day and one night
    -then if everything is working well for everyone..get into more of an equal parenting plan.

    Does this seem reasonable for a baby? How do babies/toddlers adapt to 5050 arrangments? I just really don't know..I've read such conflicting things..but a lot says that it is most important to have maximum contact with both parents..so that's what I would want (if she can be safe).

  • #2
    The latest psycho babble will tell you the child will benefit from "maximum contact with each parent" to better facilitate a bond.

    I usually hear that they say 1 day per year of age. However, that isn't overly feasible and kids adjust awful quick.

    For a small child, 2-2-3 rotating, or 3-4 rotating might work better, eventually moving to week about as they get older.

    The bottom line is that as long as the schedule is clear cut and ACTUALLY maintained...the kids will adjust to it.

    If you are requesting supervised, you need to be able to prove that the ex is a documented danger to the kidlets. Whether this be from arrest records, police reports, etc.

    If you do NOT have that, then you want to involve OCL (if Ontario) or an independent parental capacity assessment. If you believe there are mental health issues involved, then stick "with psychological component" at the end of the assessment request.

    IF the child is breastfed, the mother can SOMETIMES (depends on the judge) get away with stalling on overnights for the first 6 months to a year. After a year, it's of limited benefit, the kid should be on solids, and there is NO MORE reason the kid cannot do overnights.

    Typically a parent should receive the same amount of involvement they had BEFORE the split. If you never lived together, it's automatic 50-50. If both parents were involved in bedtimes, home work, attending parent teacher, sporting events, doc appts and the like...again...automatic 50-50.

    In order to start with less, one parent has to unilaterally restrict or deny access (stupid) OR has to be able to prove the other parent to be a danger.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you for your reply.
      1 day per year? Like one day a week?

      Also will the courts allow it to progress to 5050 or will they take a child and put them right into a 5050 arrangment?

      The ex wasn't involved at all really when we lived together. Never put her to bed, fed her never bathed her. He is claiming that he just wasn't ready to be a dad. He seems to want to be a bigger role in her life. He's asking for every thursday-sat or suday. Which I don't really think is fair considering I will never have a weekend. He says he can't take her during the week because of his work schedule. So I don't really know of a good access arrangment that is fair to everyone.
      No police records, but he's admitted to being a regular drug user on affadavit but claims to have quit. Affadavits about violence issues from 4 ppl but no police records.
      I guess is it one of those situations where you just wait and find out if something bad happens..and keep an open eye.

      Comment


      • #4
        Like for the first year, they should not be apart from either parent for longer than a day.

        At two years old...no more than two days apart.
        Three years...three days.
        etc

        Like I said, that's the "maximum contact" that most psychologists are using these days....hell wait a couple years and it'll likely change.

        You have to be able to prove your claims. Perhaps ask him to submit to a hair follicle test to prove his sobriety and/or regular testing as well.

        If you believe him to be a danger, then keep close watch, document everything, and call CAS if you believe the child to be at risk.

        He says he can't take her during the week because of his work schedule
        Oh the poor muffin. /sarcasm

        Start off with EOW + 1 evening through the week + 1/2 of all holidays. 2 non consecutive weeks in July and 2 non consecutive weeks in August.

        That's know as the standard every other weekend screwjob. If he admits to not being involved, this will give him the option of proving he can be. Pickup Friday, return Sunday and he gets like Wednesday night from 3-7 or something.

        After a year, you increase the time to Thursday to Sun and drop the "non consecutive" parts off summer. So two full weeks each month.

        A year after that, you move to week about. Sun - Saturday

        As long as the change in the time is clearly defined, it both gives him a goal to works towards as well as gives him time to learn how to parent effectively. Someone can be a lousy partner, but a more than adequate parent. Maybe he just needs the opportunity.

        Should note that the above also gives him the ability to start making plans for his work schedule/child care, so he's not left scrambling to do it right away.

        Comment


        • #5
          that definitely sounds like a great idea. Plus honestly it gives him time to adjust to being a full time parent. I just want to ease into it to make sure everyone is ready. Losing patience was what led him to lose it with the baby.
          So...I'm hesitant to put too much stress on him all at once. Every other weekend and maybe 2 nights a week on the off week or something. That way she's not going too long without seeing him.

          Comment


          • #6
            JD: how exactly did he "lose patience" w/the baby?

            This 50/50 stuff hurts my head (how the schedules can conflict, etc.) At the risk of sounding like a bitch , I'm so glad that did not occur in my situation, and with good reason. Mind you, ex was not seeking 50/50 either. He seemed pretty content w/the (and I quote) "EOW screwjob" - and oftentimes, he cancels anyway. Priorities, priorities.

            NB dad: maybe you can clarify... I really am not clear as to what my custody "status" is. It says "the mother shall have primary care, and custody." (it doesn't specify 'sole' or 'joint')

            It then goes on to state: "the Father shall have access, as follows"

            The rest is blah blah blah blah. The usual fluff.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by hadenough View Post
              JD: how exactly did he "lose patience" w/the baby?

              This 50/50 stuff hurts my head (how the schedules can conflict, etc.) At the risk of sounding like a bitch , I'm so glad that did not occur in my situation, and with good reason. Mind you, ex was not seeking 50/50 either. He seemed pretty content w/the (and I quote) "EOW screwjob" - and oftentimes, he cancels anyway. Priorities, priorities.

              NB dad: maybe you can clarify... I really am not clear as to what my custody "status" is. It says "the mother shall have primary care, and custody." (it doesn't specify 'sole' or 'joint')

              It then goes on to state: "the Father shall have access, as follows"

              The rest is blah blah blah blah. The usual fluff.
              You are a sole custodial parent.

              Read the quote again. The mother shall have primary care, and custody.

              That = sole custody.

              Good Luck!
              Tayken

              Comment


              • #8
                Kewl Spent 3 yrs thinking I had joint. I thought the word "sole" had to be in the order somewhere... Ongoing Court and several other side-show circuses throughout the last few years has really put me into a fog in some respects.

                As I read other ppl's posts and dilemmas/experiences, I am just of late seeing it all from a different perspective. (For me) It's akin to having become ill in a sense (going thru Court) - there's the initial shock and fear, the roller-coaster of hope and disappointment. Which then leads to becoming informed and learning over time, to "manage" the symptoms. Then - rehab - Learning to be stronger and be "cured."

                Comment

                Our Divorce Forums
                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                Working...
                X