Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Whom my children will live with?

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Whom my children will live with?

    Hello,
    I am thinking about divorce. My common-law partner, two kids (8 and 6) and my parents live together. My partner earns less money than me and he is 13 years older. My mom stays with children all time when we are at work, she is not working. I do not have any experience in separation and divorce. Who do you think will get the right to live with children?
    Thank you

  • #2
    I suppose the answer starts with what do you want in terms of custody. What does he want, and are you able to agree amongst yourselves.

    Comment


    • #3
      Today,
      I want to live with kids on regular basis, he wants it too and we can not agree amongst ourselves. I just would like to know how it looks like for those who've been involveed with lawyers or had a divorce.
      Thanks

      Comment


      • #4
        If you both want it then 50/50 (equal time with each) is the only way to go.

        It is best for the kids anyway.

        Comment


        • #5
          Since it appears you both want to each have the children full time, what do you feel would be a fair compromise if there is one to be had?

          As mentioned if you both wish to be part of the childrens lives in an equal fashion then 50/50 is the way to go....is this acceptable to you?

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank you.........

            Comment


            • #7
              Today,
              "As mentioned if you both wish to be part of the childrens lives in an equal fashion then 50/50 is the way to go....is this acceptable to you?"
              I prefer more like 5 days and weekends for father...

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by svetlana View Post
                T
                I prefer more like 5 days and weekends for father...

                Unless there is a reason he can't have the kids for 50% of the time (abuse, work schedules etc) it is likely the courts will decide on 50/50. You have to remember that you are BOTH parents to the kids, and it is BEST if they are cared for by both of you.

                I started out feeling this way too, but I know how much he loves our daughter. Not giving him 50/50 (or close to it) may jeopardize their relationship. So many fathers eventually fall out of their kids lives when they are not made responsible to them. Try to remember that, I know it's hard when you are hurt, but if you can keep the kids in mind you will do what's best.

                Good luck

                Comment


                • #9
                  Billiechic,
                  Don't you find 50/50 hard for children? I mean: move all the time from house to house, they should take their stuff, homeworks, adjust all thetime?
                  Thanks
                  Tatiana

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Actually, we haven't started yet. But my child is only 3 and we would use her daycare as the drop-off, pick-up place, so it would work for us I think.

                    I understand what you mean though. If this is your biggest concern and you can both agree on mediation my lawyer said you can get a child specialist as your mediator. That way the best interests of the children actually are used as the priority. This is what I plan on doing. From what I've been told mediation is more likely to focus on the kids and it becomes less of a battle.

                    Maybe someone who's already done this can shed some light though. I'm a newbie here myself!!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      billiechic,
                      I don't think my husband will cooperate, but I hope would try to think about kids first and not about punishing me... Do you know where can i get a child specialist as a mediator? Also do you know approximately how mush lawyer would cost, i know it depends on lots of things, but roughly, possible amount?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I found a mediation centre in my hometown by doing a search on the web. When you find one look at the profiles of the mediators, or contact them.

                        As for lawyer costs I have no idea, I just know it huge, depending on how complicated things get, and how cooperative both parties are.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Maybe I am misreading your previous post, but I don't believe your husband's request for 50/50 with the kids is an attempt to "punish" you. I think that having an active father in a child's life is thinking about the kids first. What is your objection to your kids not having 50/50 access to their father? Really analyze this. And from their eyes. Children are extremely resilient and can adapt to many different scenarios (including moving between two loving homes) but in my opinion isolating them from their father because you are divorcing him is not in their best interest. They are not divorcing their father.

                          Family Law lawyers in the Ottawa area charge anywhere from $225-$300/hour. Your best bet is to stay as far away from them as you can and sort this out with him. It is a very simple concept... both of you lose when the lawyers get paid. The less adversarial the better. Granted you will require legal advice throughout this but you need to find a way of working with him as you will have to do so in a parenting role until the children are finished university.
                          I read a quote once that I recommend write down and re-read often. "There is no revenge in divorce, only legal bills." Which is actually a quote from a lawyer! When emotions run high, legal bills will follow. Best for the two of you is to cool off and try to maturely work through the issues. (parenting plan, separation of debts/assets including matrimonial home and pension, child support tables, spousal support - if any, etc) If he is just finding out about the divorce then he will have an entire emotional process to go through that may take some time. You may have already moved on but it will take him some time to get through the anger, despair and grieving process due to the end of the relationship. If you understand this, then know that there is a hurt individual that is trying to deal with all of this. IMO, the sooner that the anger settles down , the less costly this will be for both of you.

                          Mine was a medium term marriage with one child where we both decided to go to a mediator instead of us paying two lawyers to do essentially the same thing. You will eventually have to take the draft separation agreement to your own lawyer for independent legal advice. And remember, that lawyers bill for everything, so ensure you ask yours upfront what his/her billing policy is. Most have 0.10/hr as their smallest billable time. Which means one e-mail to them will cost you $250*0.10= $25.00 so you may want to consolidate many issues with them and send in one message or simply meet with them for more complicated issues.

                          Good luck.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            HatesCheaters, billiechic
                            Many thanks...
                            I would really love to avoid all legal procedures if only my husband would want to sit down and discuss everything. But he doesn't. I am kind of scared to start it through lawyers because it will make him even angrier.
                            Good luck to you too
                            Thanks again

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I'll reply to the shared access question, I do it and have for the past 5.5 years, it works very well for me and the children there are however several factors that in my case help it work well such as remaining in the same neighborhoud in order to allow the children to maintain the same friends, school and just over all atmosphere they have always been accustomed to. They are free to come and go from either home as they wish but have stuck with the week to week regime that we stated with. We are close to each other for when they inevtibly forget something at one place or another they have access to all thier things. In our case it has worked out extremely well having been able to mantain a real reletionship for all involved. I must add that she did not want this at first and had actually won a temp order only allowing me access as a every 2nd week end until I took measures to get it changed. It was really only about $$$$ in this case.

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X