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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 02-05-2021, 02:09 AM
Kart321 Kart321 is offline
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Default Doc appnts

I am going through a divorce and custody battle. Child lives primarily with me and ex has access. I have booked an appointment with a doctor. It is for a routine check up. I notified my ex about the appointment. He has withheld his consent and told me I can't take the child to the appointment. Can he? Will this work against me if I take child to the doctor against his consent?
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Old 02-05-2021, 02:22 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Just be polite in all your communication about this.

"If you have some concerns about the appointment, you are more than welcome to come! It will be at 123 Hula Street at 2pm. The name of the physician is Dr. Fell."

It is not the end of the world if he brings you to court over this. Somebody who would say no to routine doctor's appointment is going to be a uncooperative about many things. Best to have the conflict over this appointment, since he is so obviously wrong.

Unethical advice: You could write the sweet letter, then call him and try to provoke him into bringing you to court. "You can't stop me, you're a pathetic coward who is afraid of court". That would be hilarious.
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Old 02-05-2021, 09:17 AM
Alpinist Alpinist is offline
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Him denying you access to the doctor appt would work against him. You are doing what is medically necessary in taking care of your child. Him trying to stop that looks reflects poorly on him
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Old 02-05-2021, 01:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Alpinist View Post
Him denying you access to the doctor appt would work against him. You are doing what is medically necessary in taking care of your child. Him trying to stop that looks reflects poorly on him
Actually... Routine appointments are not required/recommended in most provinces. Unless the child has a special medical need the whole yearly doctors appointment is not necessary.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/lifestyle/is-...-one-1.2017959
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Old 02-05-2021, 02:13 PM
Alpinist Alpinist is offline
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I have a hard time believing that she would ever get in trouble bringing her child to the doctor without consent.
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Old 02-10-2021, 11:05 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Actually... Routine appointments are not required/recommended in most provinces. Unless the child has a special medical need the whole yearly doctors appointment is not necessary.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/lifestyle/is-...-one-1.2017959
it depends on the age of the child.

up to the first 3 years- "routine" appointments are recommended by pediatricians every 6 months to assess development.
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Old 02-10-2021, 11:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kart321 View Post
I am going through a divorce and custody battle. Child lives primarily with me and ex has access. I have booked an appointment with a doctor. It is for a routine check up. I notified my ex about the appointment. He has withheld his consent and told me I can't take the child to the appointment. Can he? Will this work against me if I take child to the doctor against his consent?
Do you have a temporary custody arrangement?

I would follow Janus' route- although if you want to be accommodating- you could ask your ex if there is a more convenient time for him.

Although- during this time (covid)- isn't your check up virtual or over the phone?
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Old 02-10-2021, 07:14 PM
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Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
it depends on the age of the child.

up to the first 3 years- "routine" appointments are recommended by pediatricians every 6 months to assess development.
Most practitioners follow the Rourke Baby Record for "well baby care":

https://www.rourkebabyrecord.ca/rbr2020/default

RBR is an evidence based medical assessment plan for years 0-5.

From 18 months onwards there are only three clinical encounters:

1. 18 Months
2. 2-3 Years
3. 4-5 Years

See: https://www.rourkebabyrecord.ca/walk4

For 0-1 months there are three encounters one being "optional":

1. Within 1 Week
2. 2 Weeks (optional)
3. 1 Month

See: https://www.rourkebabyrecord.ca/walk1

For 2-6 months there are 3 encounters:

1. 2 Months
2. 4 Months
3. 6 Months

see: https://www.rourkebabyrecord.ca/walk2

For 9-15 months there are 3 encounters two being "optional":

1. 9 Months (optional)
2. 12-13 Months
3. 15 Months (optional)

see: https://www.rourkebabyrecord.ca/walk3

If your child is <5 years in age follow RBR. Again, its a guide line rather than a mandate. Parents shouldn't induce anxiety on themselves if they have a healthy child and can't find their way to a doctors office. Especially in a pandemic.

Doctors appointments are often used in an attempt to gather "evidence" against (or for) a particular parent. Doctors are all too often drawn into parental conflict.

In fact parents use service providers (doctors, teachers, etc...) inappropriately all the time: http://www.yoursocialworker.com/s-ar...dragged-in.htm

Just don't turn a doctors appointment into an evidence gathering opportunity. (See linked article.)
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Old 02-21-2021, 10:51 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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I find that there is such needless animosity between divorced parents, and it often can be de-escalated by simple acts of courtesy. It takes a second to send a text or email to say "Child's next doctor appointment is X date, you are welcome to attend." Likely the ex won't attend unless there are serious concerns to discuss with doc. Then after appointment, simply send a text or email giving update on how it went, and the date of any next scheduled appointments. Takes a second, and saves headaches. Plus, if you are in court, looks good on you for proactively keeping ex informed, and ex can't use that you aren't against you.
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Old 02-22-2021, 02:59 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
I find that there is such needless animosity between divorced parents, and it often can be de-escalated by simple acts of courtesy. It takes a second to send a text or email to say "Child's next doctor appointment is X date, you are welcome to attend." Likely the ex won't attend unless there are serious concerns to discuss with doc. Then after appointment, simply send a text or email giving update on how it went, and the date of any next scheduled appointments. Takes a second, and saves headaches. Plus, if you are in court, looks good on you for proactively keeping ex informed, and ex can't use that you aren't against you.
It's also de-escalated by giving up control over certain appointments. D4's dad and I alternate routine appointments and send emails on the outcome of the appointments. Although- dad usually asks that I take her and update him on the medical stuff. I'm okay with that.
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