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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 08-28-2019, 04:41 PM
Freeasabird Freeasabird is offline
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Default Section 30 Custody Assessments

Just looking for any insight from anyone who is had a section 30 private custody assessment done. What exactly do they do?...also wondering what did it end up costing?....Was it worth it?... and did you get the results that were best for the kids? My ex is pushing this ever since he has been forced to pay child support recently after being separated for over two years. For the previous 2 years before child support was ordered he rarely saw our child, and I was the one often asking him to take the child. (I have documentation/texts to prove this) The child also does not want to be with him half the time, who is 12 yrs old. The child says they are afraid of him, and resists going at times, and ex has quit calling as child would not answer the phone. My ex claims the child should have no choice. He has anger issues, documented through a therapist in a email I have and even admits this. Our child has witnessed some of these incidents, and is in therapy. There is so much more, and I would be completely supportive of the child being with him 50% as requested if was in the child's best interest. Is there another way to determine custody and reveal all the issues without doing all this. Any suggestions?
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Old 08-28-2019, 06:16 PM
Ana Ana Ana Ana is offline
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I felt if I choose voice of children would be better for the kids
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Old 08-28-2019, 06:21 PM
Ana Ana Ana Ana is offline
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Your ex might change how he treats your son before and after the assessment
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Old 08-28-2019, 06:22 PM
Ana Ana Ana Ana is offline
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Good luck for you and your kid
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Old 08-28-2019, 11:24 PM
Freeasabird Freeasabird is offline
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Ok thanks for that. What does voice of the child include? Do they talk directly to the child, or a therapist they have been seeing to speak for them?
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Old 08-29-2019, 01:44 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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A section 30 assessment is extremely expensive and rarely useful. If you are ordered into it then you may not have a choice, but it would be foolish to volunteer for one.
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Old 08-29-2019, 10:55 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
A section 30 assessment is extremely expensive and rarely useful. If you are ordered into it then you may not have a choice, but it would be foolish to volunteer for one.
^this.

what are you ACTUALLY trying to do?

what parenting schedule does your ex want?

Why is child afraid?

A lot of people have anger issues. My ex has anger issues and was also abusive- documented and proven, etc etc....that being said- he still has parenting time with our daughter. My point is that just because he has anger issues doesn't mean he doesn't get time with his daughter.

Are you trying to eliminate access? <-- I say that with no judgment- but you need to really justify why it's necessary.
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Old 08-29-2019, 11:07 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Have you suggested therapy for the two of them? It might help repair the relationship and also outline to dad what the issues are that kid is experiencing.

Dont propose it in a way of you are a bad father and need therapy but more of a would you consider going to see someone with kid to work through her feelings and better understand each other to repair the relationship.
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Old 08-29-2019, 11:27 AM
cranberry cranberry is offline
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I was reluctantly forced into one that began late September last year. He wanted it and unfortunately, after my doing what I could to stop it, it was court ordered. He offered to pay for the whole thing; I got to choose the assessor. Retainer was 11K and I have no clue what the final bill was.

We have twins who are now 10; I was awarded sole custody at birth. A further court order granted a review of that status when they turned 5. He contacted me shortly after their 5th birthday and we agreed to change custody to joint and that we would stay out of court. I typed up a draft agreement using a friend's agreement for a template. Even put in large bold font at the top something to the effect of this is a draft only for negotiation. Sent it to him; heard nothing for almost a year. Then he suddenly wanted a four-way but his side provided nothing as to why. Nutshell -- we actually came up with a parenting agreement. Yay! But not really because he immediately ignored the entire thing.

Going on that above, I have offered joint custody 4 times! Each offer has been ignored. Fast forward to this time last year, he wants a private parenting assessment. Why? He doesn't want joint; he wants to remove them from me permanently.

The assessment ran from September to the end of February. I had 11 sessions with the assessor, 2 with the boys. He had 15 sessions, 2 with the boys. His wife had 3 sessions but am not sure on that one. Conclusion? Joint custody with parallel parenting.

Throughout the assessment, we were both told to do certain things to smarten up to improve our children's lives, including parenting classes. I have done everything recommend and have the proof. He has done nothing. The assessor stressed our boys need counseling. The man who tried to make me out to be a monster who was abusing our kids in every way possible, refuses to give his consent to this day.

He sent an offer to settle that comprised of me doing what the assessor recommended only; zilch regarding his responsibilities. I sent yet another offer back, implementing all recommendations for both of us, the joint custody and parallel parenting. This was sent at the beginning of May with no response.

The report concluded that we both had our own issues to address but he was slammed, exposed for what he was using the assessment for. His behaviour towards me, his lack of seeing me as their mother, his extreme anger towards the boys, all of it is out.

And yet, nothing has been settled. Four offers to settle since 2015, handing him the very thing he wants, each rejected and/or ignored. It sucks. Now, our 11 yr court file has mysteriously disappeared. I, and our boys, just need this settled!

So, short answer -- waste of time and money unless you both are in it for the children.
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Old 08-30-2019, 10:02 AM
Ana Ana Ana Ana is offline
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I dont know exactly what are the steps of voice of children, but my lawyer told me I dont want to ask for assessment because your ex is manipulative, I got second opinion and the second lawyer told me if I am sure of what my will say go for it, its faster, less expensive.
I dont know why my lawyer put the assessment as an option.
I dont like the result although I got solo custody but he increased the father parenting time although the kids were clear that they are happy with what we have now, every other weekend, half of all the school breaks, 2 w in the summer plus every other weekend. He gave him half of the summer
He ignored all the kids wishes. Their father used to leave them during his time and go out with his friends, so I dont know why he increased his time
The assessor mentioned untrue incidents to make me look as unfixable parent
Your son is as my sons age so I can feel how hard it is for him. Ask a good lawyer and see what u can do.
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