Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Advice needed on getting equal time with my son

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Advice needed on getting equal time with my son

    I has posted some of my issues earlier regarding custody of my son. A lot has happened since then.

    A brief history... My son is turning 14 soon.

    My son was living with me, my ex convinced the courts on a motion that I was alienating my son from her.

    The Judge ordered that my son be taken away from me, and I was only granted supervised access once a week for an hour. I saw my son at Supervised access for 9 months, till we went in for a trial.
    At Trial, the OCL investigator was a witness and was questioned at length by the other parties counsel, but she adamantly stated that she saw no alienation. She said its imperative that father and son have time together.

    App. counsel convinced the judge that it was still in the childs best interest that mother get custody, as mother cannot get along with father and that son will do better in school under mothers care.
    Judge ordered in June that mother get custody, and father gets son every other weekend in addition every other Wed, father will spend 3 hours with son after school. Summer holidays and Xmas to be shared equally.

    My son wants equal time with me. He has asked his mom for that, but she tells him its a court order and that's the way its going to be. I would love to have equal time with my son.

    Please help! on how best to achieve this. Your advice and suggestions are most welcome

  • #2
    This is a naive question from me but maybe those who have experience can answer it:

    Can your now-14 year old son not contact OCL (Office of the Children's Lawyer no less) and make his request through them?

    I would think that he would be old enough that his opinion on the matter should be taken into consideration.

    Comment


    • #3
      Arabian, thanks for your input. From what I have gone through and understand is, 14 is an age that falls in the grey area. some Judges think its an age mature enough for a child to decide, others not so much. OCL is done with, they have made their report and trial is over. I am not a man of a lot of means, and so I am careful of the motions that I contest. From what I know the rules are something like this.... A child's views will be taken into consideration within context. The court will rule for what is in the best interest for the child

      Comment


      • #4
        When your son becomes more independent (gets a part-time job) he will also make up his mind where he wants to spend his time. When a 14 yr old runs away from home the police don't do anything (at least in Alberta) as long as they are in school and not getting into trouble. (I'm certainly not condoning a child running away from home).

        Before you know it he will be old enough to legally make his own decisions (and drive a car to wherever he wants to go!).

        Comment


        • #5
          Nuts, I would indirectly tell my son to just come live with me and let them send the police to take him back and then come back . I would rather go to jail than turn my son away.

          Comment


          • #6
            Do not know how to delete
            Last edited by Craigerst; 10-16-2014, 10:05 PM. Reason: Not appropriate

            Comment


            • #7
              @ Links, thanks, the issue was, that the police were involved as the court order stated that they had the power to enforce that my son was physically taken away from my place. Most of the cops were very decent and often they would just say its ok, let him spend the night and we will come back in the morning. However on one occasion 2 cops roughed up my son and screamed within 6 inches from his face, that rattled him a bit. I guess I will just have to wait for my son to make the move if he wants to be with me equally when he turns 14

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by advice needed View Post
                @ Links, thanks, the issue was, that the police were involved as the court order stated that they had the power to enforce that my son was physically taken away from my place. Most of the cops were very decent and often they would just say its ok, let him spend the night and we will come back in the morning. However on one occasion 2 cops roughed up my son and screamed within 6 inches from his face, that rattled him a bit. I guess I will just have to wait for my son to make the move if he wants to be with me equally when he turns 14
                Wow wow this is craZy - you know I read a case in quebec where the judge determined the mother had alienated the daughter she was around this age too from the father and the judge said it was clear but that at this stage of the game it was too late and he admonished the daughter to reach out to her dad and give him a chance. It was really sad....

                Comment


                • #9
                  I wish the courts would give my son a chance to talk in court, every time I ask for that the other party strongly resists it.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by advice needed View Post
                    I wish the courts would give my son a chance to talk in court, every time I ask for that the other party strongly resists it.
                    CanLII - 2011 ONCJ 724 (CanLII)

                    Refer to Paragraph 17 to 20 - they had that discussion on consent, and the child was 10, not 14...This may be the strategy to follow...

                    BTW these two lawyers are the two best in that city...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Thanks a lot Moving, it encourages me. I have been willing to come to the table from day one, the other party refuses to even talk, its their way or highway. I like that this Judge actually took the approach to talk to the child and see what she wants and how mature she is to make that decision. Thanks.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        The more I think about your post the more I think it might be better to "let sleeping dogs lie".


                        He is almost 14 now, in 2 years he can dictate where he lives, and in 2 years after that he can live on his own, vote, drink in some provinces, with no conditions. Your ex is feeding him a line about the court order, and he is going to grow to resent her as he gets older.


                        If you go to court, it will take 2 years, and they might give him to you equal time. OR in two years, he can bring his stuff to your house, and the cops cant do squat about it, see link in footnote. You can use the money and stress you saved from noting going to court to enjoy your time with him.


                        Be there for him, maximize your time with him - even if its (secret) meet ups at Tim Hortons after school with him, etc. Your bond will continue to grow, and he will understand exactly what is going on. Actions do speak louder that words.


                        When he is old enough to be his own person in the eyes of the law, he will know where he wants to live, and be able to do it.

                        http://www.jfcy.org/PDFs/Leaving_Home_Sept2010.pdf

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Thanks Moving.. its great advice. Yes I already have been doing exactly what you suggest. I didnt miss a single saturday at the supervised access centre, which honestly I found absurd and ridiculous. A father who has loved his son and been there for him since birth, was forced to see him at a supervised access center. I do see him now even on weekdays, at a mall, we play volleyball and badminton etc.
                          Thanks

                          Comment

                          Our Divorce Forums
                          Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                          Working...
                          X