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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 08-15-2009, 02:46 PM
SSQ SSQ is offline
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Exclamation Input urgent, please!

Urgent!
Hi. Here are the highlights of our situation: I have lived with my CL partner, "J" since December. His ex wife left the matrimonial home (kids now 23, 28) seven years ago. They were married almost 30 yrs.
Until two months ago, J paid his ex's rent, vehicle insurance and loaned her money on a regular basis. No formal separation agreement. Over the years, she accessed money from his elderly parent's account without permission and used my partner's line of credit, etc to create a debt to him of approx $15,000. She refused to contribute to children's university or living expenses from the time she left up to this day. J pays for all of this.
Note: Ex worked for a short period of time and has been on disability for "depression"...she has no intentions of working.
At her request and of necessity, J listed and sold the mat. home. The closing date is Sept. 15. J and I have a conditional offer on a small home which will close the same date. The bank agreed to preauthorize his mortgage providing ex signs a notarized document stating she will not seek any further support or monies. She refused to do so.
Last night, she agreed to sign only a document stating she will not seek further support IF J gives her an additional $20,000 over and above the $200,000 she receives as her share of the house sale. (Sound like blackmail?) She clarified with the bank that if she doesn't sign the document, it means J will not receive mortgage. She is aware we still have to move Sept. 15 and we will have no where to go. The conditions of our purchase must be removed by this Tuesday.
Question: Is there anything else she can come after J for if he is able to pay her the additional $20,000?
Question: What are our options/your input?
Thank you.
The pressure is killing us.
  #2  
Old 08-15-2009, 03:20 PM
PhoenixRising PhoenixRising is offline
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Spousal support comes to mind and if granted it most likely will last the rest of her natural life if the need is always there.
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Old 08-15-2009, 03:23 PM
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Thank you for your reply. Is spousal support the same as alimony?
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Old 08-15-2009, 03:40 PM
PhoenixRising PhoenixRising is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSQ View Post
Thank you for your reply. Is spousal support the same as alimony?
Yes it is the same! I would contact the lawyer referral line and ask if do give her an additional $20,000 to sign off on the Spousal Support if it is valid or if she can come back at a later date and ask for it. It seems she has not needed it up until now but he is paying her rent which is a form of support.

She is entitled to ask for it indefinitely.
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Old 08-15-2009, 08:26 PM
HatesCheaters HatesCheaters is offline
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Just trying to understand the situation here. Your partner and his wife split seven years ago with two kids involved (16 and 21 at the time). Never have signed a formal separation agreement. He never paid formal child support, or official spousal support but paid support in some regard as he paid rent and vehicle insurance. She then takes what she pleases from his parents accounts and line of credit. She is not working but on disability.

There is one word that I cannot find in your post and it is .. lawyer. Granted I desipe the creatures but seven years?....he has not taken steps to end this marriage? No formal separation agreement? Of course she can ask for $20k and she can ask for monthly spousal support until she dies. She can ask for whatever she wants until he ends his marriage with a legal separation agreement and a divorce.

If she is seeking only $20k and will sign a document waiving all future claims against him for spousal support then I would follow Phoenix Risings advice and seek the professional opinion of a lawyer to assist in getting this written up into a formal separation agreement but think that her lawyer (when and if she gets one as I don't beleive anyone in her situation with a lawyer would not seek spousal) will advise her not to agree with it. But definitely worth investigating. My marriage was much shorter and I would jump and the chance to stop paying her after 7 years, especially if it ended all support for $20k. (10 years of him paying her only $350/mo would cost him $42k)
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Old 08-15-2009, 10:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HatesCheaters View Post
Just trying to understand the situation here. Your partner and his wife split seven years ago with two kids involved (16 and 21 at the time). Never have signed a formal separation agreement. He never paid formal child support, or official spousal support but paid support in some regard as he paid rent and vehicle insurance. She then takes what she pleases from his parents accounts and line of credit. She is not working but on disability.

There is one word that I cannot find in your post and it is .. lawyer. Granted I desipe the creatures but seven years?....he has not taken steps to end this marriage? No formal separation agreement? Of course she can ask for $20k and she can ask for monthly spousal support until she dies. She can ask for whatever she wants until he ends his marriage with a legal separation agreement and a divorce.

If she is seeking only $20k and will sign a document waiving all future claims against him for spousal support then I would follow Phoenix Risings advice and seek the professional opinion of a lawyer to assist in getting this written up into a formal separation agreement but think that her lawyer (when and if she gets one as I don't beleive anyone in her situation with a lawyer would not seek spousal) will advise her not to agree with it. But definitely worth investigating. My marriage was much shorter and I would jump and the chance to stop paying her after 7 years, especially if it ended all support for $20k. (10 years of him paying her only $350/mo would cost him $42k)
Thank you for your input!
  #7  
Old 08-16-2009, 07:43 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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one thing that confuses me is how did she access money from HIS parents accounts? Even if he had a power of attourney in regards to his parents assets then he was being very neglectful in allowing this to happen and should legally be responsible for reimbursing his parents any money that she took from the account.

I have to agree with hatescheaters. Why wait this long to get this settled?

Last edited by standing on the sidelines; 08-16-2009 at 08:02 AM.
  #8  
Old 08-16-2009, 11:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
one thing that confuses me is how did she access money from HIS parents accounts? Even if he had a power of attourney in regards to his parents assets then he was being very neglectful in allowing this to happen and should legally be responsible for reimbursing his parents any money that she took from the account.

I have to agree with hatescheaters. Why wait this long to get this settled?
I understand and agree with both of you. Thank you. Hindsight...stupid. He was trying to be the good guy and not cause hardship for the "children" or conflict with the ex.
Hopefully others will learn from this giant mistake.
Meanwhile, he is being held hostage for a mortgage on house that we will either finalize or lose on Tuesday.
  #9  
Old 08-16-2009, 11:59 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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i hate to say it but it seems like this is another case where the good guy finishes last. I really hope that you guys can get the ex to see the light and sign off so the house can go through.
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