Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Asking for sole custody and facing false accusations

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Yes, your ex is terrible.

    Are you going to send him an offer to settle?

    I would recommend a severable offer to settle:

    A) Joint custody, mother has final say in case of disagreement
    B) Table child support
    C) Father responsible for all the driving
    D) Parenting time every other weekend from noon Saturday until noon Sunday


    See what he accepts, and it will narrow your court case (and lower costs) substantially. If you are lucky maybe he accepts all four and you no longer have anything to fight about.

    I would send out the offer this week, no reason to delay.

    Bonus: If you do end up going to court, you start getting some of your legal fees back from the day you send out your offer to settle, so probably worth sending it out fast!

    Comment


    • #17
      Exactly what Janus said except I might tie A and D.

      Direct your lawyer this week to do it, put all that you want in writing and send it to them. You don't need to review it or anything.
      Exchanges will be done at your residence (or you can pick a place local to you)

      From what I understand you will only be getting costs back if it goes to trial and even then it is only portion, don't count on getting any money back.

      Your lawyer might whisper to you "you can get more" f*ck em. The lawyer wants more money. He will say "are you sure?" tell them you want money back for the time they billed you for that dumb question.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by Janus View Post
        Yes, your ex is terrible.

        Are you going to send him an offer to settle?

        I would recommend a severable offer to settle:

        A) Joint custody, mother has final say in case of disagreement
        B) Table child support
        C) Father responsible for all the driving
        D) Parenting time every other weekend from noon Saturday until noon Sunday


        See what he accepts, and it will narrow your court case (and lower costs) substantially. If you are lucky maybe he accepts all four and you no longer have anything to fight about.

        I would send out the offer this week, no reason to delay.

        Bonus: If you do end up going to court, you start getting some of your legal fees back from the day you send out your offer to settle, so probably worth sending it out fast!
        Thanks for your reply. The problem is he does not want overnights. If he wanted, he would have agreed to spend 6 days with child while I am away on business trip. He uses his basement apartment as an excuse. All visitations are in front of the building where I live. He just walks on the grass with child and that's it. He does not want to put her into car. He wants visitations on his term with the short notices.
        Also, there is no communication between us. It will end up in fight. He will use the joint custody thing to control the course of child's life. He will tell me, if you want her to go swimming classes, ok, take her. But do not expect me to pay.

        He has not seen the child for 4 months already and I cannot force him to see.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
          Exactly what Janus said except I might tie A and D.

          Direct your lawyer this week to do it, put all that you want in writing and send it to them. You don't need to review it or anything.
          Exchanges will be done at your residence (or you can pick a place local to you)

          From what I understand you will only be getting costs back if it goes to trial and even then it is only portion, don't count on getting any money back.

          Your lawyer might whisper to you "you can get more" f*ck em. The lawyer wants more money. He will say "are you sure?" tell them you want money back for the time they billed you for that dumb question.
          I will talk to my lawyer. But again, joint custody is for those who can communicate. We don't and will never do. I tried in the best interest of child. He does not care. 😞

          Comment


          • #20
            The problem is, if I agree for the joint custody, he will get the paper and disappear from the child's life. And show up years later, when the hard work done by me to dictate the rules. He will never agree for me to have the final say. It's not in his culture.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by concernedmother View Post
              I will talk to my lawyer. But again, joint custody is for those who can communicate. We don't and will never do. I tried in the best interest of child. He does not care. 😞
              You sound like your own worst enemy, it also sounds like you do not want to care for a child 7 days a week; not much you can do about that if the other parent doesn't want to see their kid.
              Your lawyer is a talker, they will talk you out of more money and they you wont have money for a lawyer.

              Then make the offer you want but on a schedule, you are just adding to your own problem by not being assertive:

              Choices for him to chose one:
              a) Every other weekend Saturday noon to Sunday noon.
              b) Every second Saturday between 10am-3pm
              e) Ever Wednesday between 3pm - 6pm
              Make that non-severable with the joint decision making but you get final say.

              At the case conference inform the judge that he doesn't want to have a schedule; the judge won't put up with that or simply give you 24/7 access, them none and you will decide when they can see the child; then you have an order and the power to tell them to stop bothering you and set up a proper and consistent schedule.

              It is important you make the offer because right now you are doing nothing but racking up lawyer fees.

              Comment


              • #22
                As soon as my lawyer told me it was too early to make a settlement offer I should have simply sent them a letter to do it, but I did not.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
                  You sound like your own worst enemy, it also sounds like you do not want to care for a child 7 days a week; not much you can do about that if the other parent doesn't want to see their kid.
                  Not true. It is an honor that my daughter chose me to be her mother and I will do my best to fulfill a duty of a mother to the fullest. I have taken care of her since the day she was born and I will never stop doing that. It is my responsibility and I will never put my needs or comfort above hers. Period.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
                    :

                    Choices for him to chose one:
                    a) Every other weekend Saturday noon to Sunday noon.
                    b) Every second Saturday between 10am-3pm
                    e) Ever Wednesday between 3pm - 6pm
                    Make that non-severable with the joint decision making but you get final say.
                    I will take a note of it. As for his schedule, he never provided one because he would not accepted mine, saying my schedule is what benefits me and that does not benefit him. That's why he shows and texts me after 7 PM asking to see the child. Normally, after 7 PM it's either 8 or 9 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
                      As soon as my lawyer told me it was too early to make a settlement offer I should have simply sent them a letter to do it, but I did not.
                      I get your point. I will talk to my lawyer tomorrow.
                      But my ex never executed the travel consent form out of province. That's another problem.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by concernedmother View Post
                        He will use the joint custody thing to control the course of child's life. He will tell me, if you want her to go swimming classes, ok, take her. But do not expect me to pay.
                        He will pay child support. You use that money to pay for swimming lessons.

                        This has nothing to do with joint custody at all.

                        He has not seen the child for 4 months already and I cannot force him to see.
                        It sounds like you really want to foster a father-child bond here...

                        Originally posted by concernedmother View Post
                        The problem is... [he will] show up years later, when the hard work done by me to dictate the rules.
                        Oops, I guess not. Just to be clear, if he shows up later you consider that to be a bad thing, right?

                        It is an honor that my daughter chose me to be her mother and I will do my best to fulfill a duty of a mother to the fullest.
                        Most kids are unable to choose their parents. Who was the competition?

                        ...anyhow, this whole thing is ridiculous. We all think our ex's are terrible people, you are not special in that regard. We've heard of much worse on this forum. Stop complaining about your ex and send an offer to settle.

                        I'm not even remotely surprised that you have rung up a $30,000 bill, you talk about irrelevant stuff way too much. Nobody cares about the time he didn't want to be your babysitter for the business trip, or his sleeping arrangements, or your predictions about his future. All that matters is to stop spending money, and you do that by making an offer to settle.

                        And remember, if your lawyer refuses to provide an offer to settle, it is because he wants to milk you for more money. Unfortunately, some family lawyers are not interested in settling, especially when it comes to cash cows like you.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Janus View Post
                          He will pay child support. You use that money to pay for swimming lessons.

                          This has nothing to do with joint custody at all.



                          It sounds like you really want to foster a father-child bond here...



                          Oops, I guess not. Just to be clear, if he shows up later you consider that to be a bad thing, right?



                          Most kids are unable to choose their parents. Who was the competition?

                          ...anyhow, this whole thing is ridiculous. We all think our ex's are terrible people, you are not special in that regard. We've heard of much worse on this forum. Stop complaining about your ex and send an offer to settle.

                          I'm not even remotely surprised that you have rung up a $30,000 bill, you talk about irrelevant stuff way too much. Nobody cares about the time he didn't want to be your babysitter for the business trip, or his sleeping arrangements, or your predictions about his future. All that matters is to stop spending money, and you do that by making an offer to settle.

                          And remember, if your lawyer refuses to provide an offer to settle, it is because he wants to milk you for more money. Unfortunately, some family lawyers are not interested in settling, especially when it comes to cash cows like you.
                          Janus, I am not fostering a father-child-bond In here. I never did. I have offered bunch of days in June, July, Aug and Sept. He refused saying he lives in basement and has no place for child. He would reduce his visitation time to 30 minutes when I was giving him 3 hours.
                          He disappeared and I never heard from him.
                          I am not here to talk Ill about him.
                          I am not using him and never used as babysitter. What you are saying is wrong. But I will take it. Because you are not aware of anything.

                          As for your suggestion regarding offer, I will talk to my lawyer tomorrow.
                          Thank you for your time.

                          I appreciate it.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Janus View Post
                            Nobody cares about the time he didn't want to be your babysitte.
                            Just clear it up: he refused to be with child during my business trip when were still together. The child goes to daycare. I have always been her primary caregiver. He somy refused even that time, saying, I won't be sitting with her under no circumstances. I won't say much. I am happy to take her with me. It will be fun. But he missed his June, July, Aug, September, Oct, Nov, December and January opportunities.
                            I have always wanted him to be part of child's life.
                            Not to reveal much, because it won't matter. I know what I know.
                            I know I have done my best.
                            Anyway, just wanted to clear this part up, so you won't think I wanted to use him as a babysitter.

                            P.S. I have noted down all the suggestions and the ideas for the schedule. He won't accept them as he never accepted any of my schedule nor offered his instead.

                            All I can do is to try. Good or bad, the child needs a father and we all agree on that.

                            Comment

                            Our Divorce Forums
                            Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                            Working...
                            X