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  • #16
    A couple of things..

    1. Avoid using the word "force" in any context around divorce.
    2. Have information about her education and training, her health issues if any, and her previous work experience.
    3.Property is divided at market value.. You should have an appraisal done, without letting everyone know you are doing it.
    4. once you have an appraisal, you can trade equity in the house in lieu of spousal support, but only if she agrees.
    5. Your kids need you, they should be able to see you half the time. But you need to get a lawyer working on it before you seperate.

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    • #17
      Lot's of good advice, I will add that if you want 50/50 parenting when you move out, then you absolutely must be doing 50/50 parenting now while you are together.

      Make sure you are taking the kids to the doctor, to the dentist, to buy new clothes, you are involved in their sports, recreation, music lessons, school, after school activities, know who their friends are, arrange their transportation or drive them, every single little things you can think of.

      If they are sick and your wife doesn't work, she obviously stays home and cares for them. Think about how much she'll play that up alone. You have to make up for it now by doing extra, and then when you move out and you are a 50/50 parent, be prepared to sacrifice some workdays and hours to deal with their needs.

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      • #18
        Questions
        1. Is there any way I can force her to work?
        2. If I buy my own house, what are my parental rights to access? Can they live with me ½ time right away?
        3. If I leave right now, will I forfeit my access rights making her the primary care giver?
        4. Because she has not worked for 6 years, how does this impact the spousal and child support payment amounts?
        5. Does the fact that we never agreed, as a couple, to have her stop working have any impact on child and spousal payments?
        6. Does it matter that I have repeatedly asked her to find a job? (redundant, maybe? Unnecessary question?)
        7. Is there any way to force her into selling the matrimonial home?
        8. Is it possible, presuming that she has an adequately paying job to secure a mortgage, that I could sell the house back to her for an amount greater than what’s owning on the mortgage. The amount would be equal to a proposed spousal settlement. (ex: outstanding mortgage is $143,000. Spousal payments of $900/month over three years = $32400. House would be sold to her for $176,400)
        I would rephrase some of this as statements rather than questions.

        In my experience when I state specifically what my expectations are to my lawyer, the better result I get. Of course I am open to his advice and knowledge.

        1. Is there any way I can force her to work?
        You state that you want an income imputed to her.

        2. If I buy my own house, what are my parental rights to access? Can they live with me ½ time right away?
        You say the kids will be living with you for 2 weeks and then with your ex for 2 weeks. Or any combination there of and you will pay child support based on the offset method using your ex's imputed income.

        4. Because she has not worked for 6 years, how does this impact the spousal and child support payment amounts?
        You have already agreed to pay offset child support so you need to determine if there is a need for spousal.

        5. Does the fact that we never agreed, as a couple, to have her stop working have any impact on child and spousal payments?
        6. Does it matter that I have repeatedly asked her to find a job? (redundant, maybe? Unnecessary question?)
        Doesn't mean anything.

        7. Is there any way to force her into selling the matrimonial home?
        8. Is it possible, presuming that she has an adequately paying job to secure a mortgage, that I could sell the house back to her for an amount greater than what’s owning on the mortgage. The amount would be equal to a proposed spousal settlement. (ex: outstanding mortgage is $143,000. Spousal payments of $900/month over three years = $32400. House would be sold to her for $176,400)
        In my case this was discussed in equalization.

        All of this was presented to me as is, like that is how our separated life was going to look. Kids living 50/50, imputing an income to me etc. My ex. told me the kids wanted it this way, I don't know when or how he had this discussion with them and when I did talk to them they agreed that this is how they wanted it. My point is you assume this how life is going to be and then move forward with it.

        Its not always easy and I look at what's best for the kids, and that is 50/50 for my family.

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