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  • Never again

    Just wondering how many of you, since going through the divorce process, have decided that you will never again get married or have more children?
    And I don't mean those of you who are still in the process or just finished and are still angry and bitter.

    I find absolutely no need to get married ever again. I'm not against having another long term, committed relationship and cohabiting, but I will never again go through the process of marriage. More importantly I will never have more children. I love the 2 I have more than life itself but I refuse to be personally responsible for inflicting the pain of divorce on another innocent human being ever again.

    Ahhh, glad to get that off my chest.

  • #2
    I'm still in the thick of things, a long way from finished with divorce, if such a thing even exists.

    Wanting more kids and suffering from infertility was one of the causes of my divorce. The marriage wasn't very long and we had 1 son. I'm still young, and almost right away I knew that my goals hadn't changed, I still wanted to have a family even if I had to start all over again.

    And despite what's happened, I still believe in marriage... just not my previous marriage :P

    I won't let divorce take away my dreams!

    But yes, I still alternate between anger and depression, and even if I'm open to the ideas of more kids and another marriage, it's not something I will rush into.

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    • #3
      I won't let my terrible marriage turn me off from getting married again.
      Having kids... I'd be open to it.. I also love the two I have.. but it would be a conversation with someone new... I'd personally be happy either way.

      Don't let your ex influence what you want in your heart. Only you will know what you want.. and if it's not getting married.. then follow that. DOn't make that decision because of your emotions towards your ex and the divorce.

      Just my thoughts. I always told myself that I'd never let me ex ruin any of my dreams. I am still a bit bitter but that is just towards him .. not anyone new that may enter my life.

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      • #4
        So I may be a little green to answer this one, as we're still working through things and haven't actually approached the 'divorce' button just yet. That being said, I would still absolutely love to do both again.

        Things may have sucked when I was married, but why smack the new dog's nose because the old dog peed on the rug?

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        • #5
          I think I'd rather drink Drano, than get married again.

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          • #6
            I no longer see a reason to bother getting married again; I think life is fine the way it is.

            I already have 4 kids and my decision to not have any more was made very confidently in 1999; I have no regrets from ending that ability... now it's all for fun lol

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post

              Things may have sucked when I was married, but why smack the new dog's nose because the old dog peed on the rug?

              Brilliant!

              I am planning my very small non weddingish wedding. We aren't going to let the fact that my fiancee's ex is a (bleep.....content removed due to severe profanity.....) who is desperate to cause us nothing but torture stop us from living. It is hard! But the goal I guess is to find happiness in the middle of crisis as opposed to putting life on hold indefinitely waiting for a peace that may never come.

              As for kids... Not for all the tea in china. All praise the power of the snip!

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              • #8
                Marriage is a personal choice. I believe that if you are lucky enough to find someone who is your best friend, lover and confidante that marriage is a lifestyle choice. Don't set up fences high enough to stop the right person from coming in, but dont marry just to seal the deal.

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                • #9
                  I still have trouble wrapping my brain around the idea of dating again, so getting remarried is so far beyond my imaginings it's downright impossible. I don't even have a lifestyle right now that involves any possibility of meeting new people!

                  As for more children, my ex took that possibility away from me when we agreed to have my tubes tied. Little did I know he was cheating on me and destroying the marriage when that decision was made! It's not that I necessarily want more children, I just really resent the choice being taken from me under false pretenses of our family being complete. If I should somehow end up with a new guy who wanted children, I think I would feel awful that I couldn't do that with him. But on the other hand, I'm getting too old for newborns!

                  But when the old dog peed on the carpet so much, it does make you leery of getting another dog. And if/when I meet that adorable potential new dog, I'll have forgotten what to do with dogs anyways. Sigh.

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                  • #10
                    I love the idea of being married and will absolutely do it again.

                    Marriage, for me, is really just a formal declaration that the person you chose (and who chose you) is worth the bad with the good, the sickness with the health, the worse with the better....

                    A wedding ring is a source of pride, and it symbolizes my desire to stand on a mountaintop and scream to the world that I love this woman and that (for some inexplicable reason) she loves me back.

                    As for more children, if it were solely up to me I would have a baby every 11 months. Being of the sex that has the easier role to play in L&D, though, I defer to the woman's veto.

                    Alas, I shall just wait for the grandchildren to start showing up. Er, or start buying babies like Brad and Angelina

                    Cheers!

                    Gary

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I am with a great guy now that was patient enough with me at first to show me that not all men were lying cheating sacks of poo. It's been 5 years and we're still goofy about each other. We have a new baby and it's wonderful to be with a man who actually helps around the house and with the kids. He treats my 3 with my ex like his own, no better or worse then our new little guy. I adore him and so do my boys.
                      That being said, I am perfectly happy living in sin. We are talking about a commitment ceremony sometime in the future, but not actually getting married. The idea of getting married again kinda gives me the heebeegeebees

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                        As for more children, my ex took that possibility away from me when we agreed to have my tubes tied
                        Ahem...

                        Oh, never mind. Not gonna bother

                        Cheers!

                        Gary

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Gary M View Post
                          Ahem...

                          Oh, never mind. Not gonna bother

                          Cheers!

                          Gary
                          Oh, please do bother, I could use some levity about it. It really weighs me down. It was a major life-altering decisions made without full disclosure of the true situation of my life. Had I known we would be splitting up a year later, I would totally not have had it done.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                            Oh, please do bother, I could use some levity about it. It really weighs me down. It was a major life-altering decisions made without full disclosure of the true situation of my life. Had I known we would be splitting up a year later, I would totally not have had it done.
                            I refused to have it done when the ex suggested it. My thinking was I was pregnant 3 times, had horrible labours/deliveries (first one I nearly died, third one baby nearly died) three times so the least he could do was get snipped. He disagreed. Until he met his new wife who doesn't want any more kids. Now he's fine with it and had it done.
                            My new sweetie and I have a beautiful nearly 6 month old. He was quite the surprise as we are both pushing 40 and I thought I was done and he didn't want any kids other then the ones I already have. Now he wants at least one more lol. Not sure my body can take it. May have to look into adopting

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                            • #15
                              Anything is possible.
                              but then again, nothing lasts forever.

                              Comment

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