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My teen son wants to live with me

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  • My teen son wants to live with me

    I've been divorced for about 8 years. The current court order has been in place for the last 5 where I have him just 1 day one week and 3 days the next.
    He is now 14 and has asked me to fight for custody of him. Lately he has been wanting to runaway from his moms house and come live with me, and I had to calm him down twice this week. He has been very unhappy there the last few years. We have joint custody. My question is if he does runaway and comes to me, what will happen to him or to me? Will the police come take him back? Will I get charged with child abduction? i don't want him to runaway but it seems it will be inevitable. if he is here on his will, is it ok even though I am only supposed to have him here on certain days?

  • #2
    Can the 3 of you talk about it together? Perhaps start by trying a 50/50 schedule?

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    • #3
      Most likely not. Since she got remarried which was like a day after the divorce was finalized she refuses to talk to me about anything. Any communication was through her new husband. He is a one of the reasons my son doesn't want to live with them. And as a request from my son he has asked me not to say anything about this to her as they will just yell at him and give him a hard time.
      What he wants is when he leaves he never wants to go back. He has stated he would only visit her but doesn't want to sleep there or see his stepdad.

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      • #4
        Well you're not going to have any choice but to talk to her about it, regardless of what your son wants. Your son doesn't get to dictate how this happens.

        Do you live in the same town or will his whole life be turned upside down by coming to live with you? At 14 a judge will basically listen to what he has to say and he would most likely get his way, but there are proper ways to do things and you need to do them the proper way. If he isn't old enough to understand that there are legal channels to go through he isn't old enough for a judge to listen to what he wants.

        What are his actual reasons for wanting to move?

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        • #5
          If your son wants to move out of his mother's home and if you are supportive of this, you have to talk to Mom about it, even if she doesn't want to. Try a registered letter to her saying that you would like to revisit the parenting schedule now that Kid is a teenager and has expressed a wish to spend more time with you. Propose a 50/50 schedule. Ask her to inform you within 10 days if she does not agree to this change of schedule. Keep the stepdad out of the matter - don't talk to him or about him. This is between you and Mom. Mom probably has a pretty good idea why Kid doesn't like living with her, and she may be agreeable to a solution which gets Kid out of the house more often.

          You might have to go to court on this, but at least you can give it your best try.

          If Kid runs away and turns up on your doorstep, you have to inform Mom immediately. I would let Kid stay overnight, then drive him back to Mom's in the morning, with a promise that you and Mom will talk about altering his schedule. He shouldn't be making the decisions here.

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          • #6
            I would suggest he wait till you go through the legal procedures before he moves.

            If your son cannot bear it then I would welcome him, send a letter to your ex that your son has moved in with you and that you aren't going to turn him away then let her file the motions...

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            • #7
              Thanks for the replies. Yes I know I will have to talk the mother about this. I called legal aid just to get some advice and basically they told me the same thing another lawyer said which was if he did show up at my door step I would be safe to know the police would not interfere since it's not written in the court order for them to act on. Then call her and tell her what happened and say he doesn't want to go home and she will most likely file charges in court where I would have to explain why I didn't return him. The legit way would be to go to the courthouse and make an application for a custody change. And then we would get our day in court. And yes you are right they also said they will most likely listen to what the teen has to say and try their best to grant him his wishes unless she can prove its not in his best interest. Now to find lawyer and get the ball rolling before he actually does runaway.

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              • #8
                Good luck with all of it. I went through this with my then D 13 a little over a year ago. Different circumstances but still a difficult couple weeks while it sunk in with dad that fighting it wouldn't LIKELY do much good.

                Everyone is happy now. Even dad Maybe your son can improve his relationship with his mom after the move. Maybe suggest that IF it works out, he must maintain contact.
                Last edited by kingstonmomof2; 03-17-2015, 11:52 PM. Reason: We went from week about to every other weekend

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