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  • #31
    Originally posted by Mess View Post
    That is not a reasonable expectation.
    Google it, take a course, get some therapy and ask the therapist for assertiveness training, whatever you have to do. Avoiding conflict is not resolving conflict.
    I agree, avoiding the conflict is enabling the abuse.
    At the end of the day this is what is happening.

    I don't know how others on this group would feel about this suggestion but perhaps they will agree.

    Go to the nearest police station, make a statement with a police officer, that your not making a complant, show them the text message, explain you are not trying to create conflict, and that you are completely stable and haven't been drinking, explain that you are going home to check on the children and that you need to be assertive to show that this sort of behaviour will not keep you from your children and that you are fully involved, Ask for the officers name and badge number and for him to create a police incident report. You then leave and go home, if things go wrong at home which I honestly don't think will happen, you have already protected yourself with police documentation about your state of mind before you went home. Plus lightly this police officer will likely stick around or inform other police officer before they actually get there that you were reasonable when you were with them.

    Again this is completely out of the box thinking, but thats the type of person I am.

    I did this once after my ex's father told me to get "f*&^%ing away from her car" I was putting my daughter glooves on her car as I forgot to give them to my ex in the restartant. I made a report showed the recording I had, and asked that no one be called, and that it simply was documented.

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    • #32
      I completely understand why you would not want to be there. It's an awful position she's put you in. There are several unfavourable outcomes possible.

      Part of being "assertive" is also rising above a given situation.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by momliz View Post
        My vote is grab a date and crash the party. If you and the date can't keep your hands off each other that's not awkward ...for you anyways.
        exactly.

        except given booze and emotions. maybe not.

        wouldn't that be fun, though?

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        • #34
          Originally posted by Mess View Post
          Avoiding conflict is not resolving conflict.
          Spoken like a lawyer, I imagine.

          Sage advice here.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by wretchedotis View Post
            Spoken like a lawyer, I imagine.

            Sage advice here.
            Nope just self represented myself during a 14 day trial against my ex and her lawyer.

            ;-)

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            • #36
              Originally posted by mcdreamy View Post
              Good grief, that's just as bad as what the FB's ex is trying to do. I have a gadzillion situations where I could play what "daddy" did... but I don't and never will play them. Are you serious?

              FB -go home.. Looks like there are a bunch of us up tonight, who will be there to talk you through it.

              Well thats reassuring that you don't, but that isn't always the case now is it. And as I said "if you choose to tell your children", so let's give FB some credit where credit is due. Considering the quandry he's in, I would think he's showing them all respect by not showing-up at the house - added to which his last comment re a DV charge, he's also showing he's being sensible about the prospects of that happening as well.

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              • #37
                lets just say its not the first time. in Oct 2011 3 Months after we seperated i came home and the guy my wife had the original affair with was hiding in my bathroom. he jumped out at me and asked me what i was going to do. i did the smart thing and called the police. police showed up and couldnt make him leave becuase my exs name was on title. the seargent told me it woukd be very smart for me to sleep elsewhere as all it would take was for them come up with a story and i would be leaving in cuffs. of course all was reported to CAS and the second of 3 investigations started.

                so i guess her fear of me calling the police is now gone.

                anway im just at a friends and will be heading home soon

                recorder is in my basement so that will be the first thing i grab when i get there and will use my phone in the meantime.

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                • #38
                  Good luck, and be careful.

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                  • #39
                    Hoping your night has been calm and uneventful.

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                    • #40
                      I cant believe her bringing guys into the kids lives like this isn't grounds to lose custody....

                      I would have told the kids lets go out for a super fun time and gotten out of the house and let her do her sick crap....

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                      • #41
                        Hey FB!

                        I've been through what you're talking about, sort of.

                        When I was still living in the house with my ex, she wanted me gone one night so she could have her friends over including her new boyfriend, who she had introduced to our daughter the very same day. Instead I threw my own birthday party and had a good forty people over, it was great.

                        You are in fact correct to worry about DV allegations, in the future think witnesses so ask for a close friend over.

                        Take a stand, and being emotional Teflon is key. Good luck brother.

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                        • #42
                          Spent most of the night at my friends house. I arrived home around 1:00 and there is no evidence of anyone still here. Based on the prints in the snow only one person was here, but that's only a guess.

                          1 more hour till I have to work.

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                          • #43
                            She sounds like the ultimate bitch.

                            I'd get the Jehovah's Witnesses to start coming around. They can be quite persistent.

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by FB_ View Post
                              Spent most of the night at my friends house. I arrived home around 1:00 and there is no evidence of anyone still here. Based on the prints in the snow only one person was here, but that's only a guess.

                              1 more hour till I have to work.
                              please let us know how it turned out. You have lots of support on this board and I dont think anyone thinks what she did was right.

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                              • #45
                                What you saw the footprints of were cloaven hooves! Seriously, keep reminding yourself how fortunate you are to be unloading this woman. She will reap what she sowes in the relationship department.

                                I'd send the guy a sympathy card. J/K. He's obviously a moron too and I'm positive there's a woman out there (his ex) that's glad to be rid of the idiot.

                                Concentrate on the kids and your parenting time. I hope you can get out of there soon and into your own place. The mat-home will eventually need to sell, right?

                                Comment

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