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  • #16
    Oh you are playing dodge the fight? I love that game ,not!.Be extremely careful and recording in your home should never be a problem.Would you consider putting hidden cameras in hallway living room ,your bedroom etc?If you cant be sure of what she could do it might be handy to have a way of proving you were where you said you were.Newer ones upload on to the web so the data stays secure.When she feels cornered and exposed she could say anything really.Stay focused on your kids and dont be drawn into the crazy....Good luck ,I hope you get this worked out soon!

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    • #17
      Originally posted by FB_ View Post
      I want to get a voice recorder to record our conversations but I was told to be very careful with this because if you record somebody else's conversations you could be in big "federal" trouble. I need to find a way to protect myself.
      Absolutely get a digital recorder, keep it hidden on your person, and have it going at all times you might interact with her. You are quite legal in recording anything you are involved in. Leaving it lying around recording things when you aren't home would be what could get you in trouble. But recording your interactions with her is the best way to protect yourself from her making false domestic violence claims against you, and to demonstrate that she is the one causing the trouble when the police get called. Without it, they will probably take her word over yours.

      It won't be a big help with the family law stuff, but it could be invaluable for criminal law.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
        You can't mediate anything with a person with this type of mentality...its good that you've filed so that you can get started on the process.
        What all mediators and arbitrators basically learn (well "good" ones that is) is that you can mediate anything so long as:

        1. One or both parties are not suffering from a mental illness.
        2. One or both parties are not suffering from a substance abuse problem.

        If you have either condition of #1 or #2 or worse... a combination of #1 and #2 the only option for many people is the courts.

        Good Luck!
        Tayken

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
          What all mediators and arbitrators basically learn (well "good" ones that is) is that you can mediate anything so long as:

          1. One or both parties are not suffering from a mental illness.
          2. One or both parties are not suffering from a substance abuse problem.

          If you have either condition of #1 or #2 or worse... a combination of #1 and #2 the only option for many people is the courts.

          Good Luck!
          Tayken
          After a year of trying to negotiate I am going to refuse any mediation if it comes up. Would be a waste of time in my opinion.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by FB_ View Post
            I want to get a voice recorder to record our conversations but I was told to be very careful with this because if you record somebody else's conversations you could be in big "federal" trouble. I need to find a way to protect myself.
            That is U.S. law. In Canada, consent is only required by one party. Or in other words, you may record yourself, along with the other parties.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Mess View Post
              That is U.S. law. In Canada, consent is only required by one party. Or in other words, you may record yourself, along with the other parties.
              I am aware of the single party consent in Ontario.

              However my lawyer told me to be careful I don't accidentally record a conversation that occurred and I was not a direct participant in even though I was still able to hear the conversation. Although if I can hear the conversation and am present in the room then that person would have no expectations of privacy.

              Thanks

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              • #22
                wow

                Wow, so sorry you are going through this. How exasperating. Must be incredibly difficult to live your life in an even somewhat normal way.

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                • #23
                  If by normal you mean.

                  - Being able to commit to anything without the fear of your ex doing something at the last minute to change things
                  - Being able to have any friends over to my house
                  - Being able to walk around your own house without feeling like you are walking on egg shells
                  - Being able sleep on a normal bed in a normal room.
                  - Being able to have any privacy

                  Yes it's pretty difficult to have a normal life. I was able to have a little bit of a normal life this summer but that will all stop tonight. She changed our summer schedule (refer to point 1) and is bringing the kids back to the house tonight. Which is a good thing as I will get to spend more time with them. I have only had to see my stbx twice and only for 15 minutes at pick-up / drop-off since June 29th. However she will be living in the house again as she gets ready to go back to work in September. I continued to live and sleep in the basement even though I had the whole house to myself. Didn't want to raise my standard of living and have to adjust again LOL.

                  Edit: Thanks for the sympathy Sax...My post sounds a little rude...it was not meant to be.

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                  • #24
                    So my stbx and kids came home last night from out of town. Kids were very happy to see me as I was them. Anyway this morning I got up and had a shower and my son said he was hungry. As the kids had not been home for a long time there were not too many groceries in the house. I told my son I would run to Tim Horton's and get them bagels for breakfast.

                    Before I left to Timmies I knocked on my stbx door and told her to get up as I had to go to work. I left and went to get the bagels. When I returned she was still sleeping in bed. I gave the kids their breakfast and woke her up again. She told me just to leave her door open which I did and she stayed in bed. I confirmed with my son if he remembered how to call me if he needed me. I had forgotten so I reminded him which speed dial my number was on. he agreed to call me if he needed anything.

                    It just pisses me off that she would rather sleep and let a 6yo and 3yo have free run of the house.

                    Anyway... it's all documented and conversations recorded.

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                    • #25
                      Normal ....

                      Your post doesn't sound rude at all. i can sense your frustration.

                      Just look after yourself and the kids!!!

                      All you can control is yourself - you cannot control anything she does or says.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Sax View Post
                        Your post doesn't sound rude at all. i can sense your frustration.

                        Just look after yourself and the kids!!!

                        All you can control is yourself - you cannot control anything she does or says.
                        Ok good, it most certainly is frustration LOL

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                        • #27
                          Hang in there FB. All things eventually end.

                          If you pmsg your email address today, I'll send copies of those files I promised when I get home today.

                          Best wishes!

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Keep your chin up! Even though documenting everything seems futile...and many many days I felt I didn't have the energy to do so, I plugged away day after day.

                            My journal showed a pattern and history of behaviour....which although wasn't used directly in court, was communicated to my lawyer and child assessor. It was instrumental in the outcome in my case.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by FB_ View Post
                              So my stbx and kids came home last night from out of town. Kids were very happy to see me as I was them. Anyway this morning I got up and had a shower and my son said he was hungry. As the kids had not been home for a long time there were not too many groceries in the house. I told my son I would run to Tim Horton's and get them bagels for breakfast.

                              Before I left to Timmies I knocked on my stbx door and told her to get up as I had to go to work. I left and went to get the bagels. When I returned she was still sleeping in bed. I gave the kids their breakfast and woke her up again. She told me just to leave her door open which I did and she stayed in bed. I confirmed with my son if he remembered how to call me if he needed me. I had forgotten so I reminded him which speed dial my number was on. he agreed to call me if he needed anything.

                              It just pisses me off that she would rather sleep and let a 6yo and 3yo have free run of the house.

                              Anyway... it's all documented and conversations recorded.
                              I'm thinking that due to her psych history, possible drug use, and evident inability to get up and supervise them, I would not want to leave the children alone in the house with her for great lengths of time. Can you get them registered in a daycare or have a neighbour check in frequently or something?

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                                I'm thinking that due to her psych history, possible drug use, and evident inability to get up and supervise them, I would not want to leave the children alone in the house with her for great lengths of time. Can you get them registered in a daycare or have a neighbour check in frequently or something?
                                Considering her stance is she wants sole custody that would not fly. This is the type of crap I've been dealing with for a year. My old lawyer basically said something has to happen before we can step in. I've sent an email to my new lawyer but he has not yet replied.

                                If I go to CAS then I'm the one causing problems.

                                If I say something to my stbx I'm accusing her of things which increases the stress on myself and the kids. I really don't know what to do.

                                If I wait at home till she actually gets up I can't do much to stop her from going back to bed once I leave. All I know is she called me at 11:30 telling me she was going to do groceries. I have no idea what time she actually got out of bed.

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