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  • #31
    she has a meeting with a counselor this thursday, will see what comes of that meeting and subsequent meetings.

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    • #32
      ***UPDATE***: Daughter texts me today, she had meeting with school counselor, the counselor called Child Protective Services because she thought my daughter and her 1/2 sister are at risk in mothers home. CPS coming Thursday, could remove kids from house. My exs new husband just texted me, wants to meet for a chat, not sure I should do that.

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      • #33
        If you do meet with him, bring a recording device and keep it on the entire time.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by dadof1 View Post
          ***UPDATE***: Daughter texts me today, she had meeting with school counselor, the counselor called Child Protective Services because she thought my daughter and her 1/2 sister are at risk in mothers home. CPS coming Thursday, could remove kids from house. My exs new husband just texted me, wants to meet for a chat, not sure I should do that.
          You should meet with him - no sense hiding or restricting communication.

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          • #35
            met him last night, was not pleasant but no raised voices. Daughter ended up coming with me. His version of everything that happened is totally different than what I was told. They are blaming everything on daughter, not taking any responsibility for their own actions.

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            • #36
              Teenagers are really good at manipulating the situation. Make sure you are considering the best interests of the 15 yrs old honestly.

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              • #37
                yes give it a good two months....sometimes enforcement agency just sends mom papers to verify child is no longer with her and hey subtract support with no need for a court appearance ( if mom signs them...if not...well...court).

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by dadof1 View Post
                  met him last night, was not pleasant but no raised voices. Daughter ended up coming with me. His version of everything that happened is totally different than what I was told. They are blaming everything on daughter, not taking any responsibility for their own actions.
                  did you watch your daughter when he was telling his side of the story? Hate to say this but your daughter wants away from your ex and maybe she is twisting it so she can leave and her mom cannot try and fight it.

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                  • #39
                    she has wanted to live with me for sometime, but she says her mother would cry and put the guilt trip on her and she would stay. She is now wise to this tactic, and you are correct, her mother cannot stop her from leaving, nor can the courts or the police.. Will give it a couple months, see how it works out. Not until we are sure she wants this will I have my lawyer take it to court. Since she will be with me, should i stop child support and ask for my October cheque back?

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                    • #40
                      My suggestions..

                      1) You didn't say how far apart you and your daughters mother reside. I presume you want your daughter to stay in school. Can she GET to school easily form your place?

                      2) As a parent, you have an OBLIGATION to ensure that your door is open so that if your daughter WANTS to stay at your place, then she can. However, you also have an OBLIGATION not to interfere with mothers custody, and I would think that means you need to advise yoyur daughter that if she needs a place to stay, your door is open, but you should not be trying to convince her to move to your place. Tough to do I know.. but there you have it.

                      3) At 15, your daughter is no doubt imposing her own independance on ALL of those around her. Are you 100% SURE that you are fully ready to house a 15 year girl who:
                      - won't clean up after herself
                      - won't put food away after she eats
                      - won't get up when you think she should
                      - may not go to school when you think she should
                      - won't do her homework when you think she should
                      - may attend a party at her g/f place.. with boys present
                      - may bring a female friend to your home that you might not like
                      - may bring a male friend to your home that you might not like
                      - and so on
                      Are you ready to handole these things.. and much more? Not nearly the same as having her for a weekend access visit.

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                      • #41
                        Thanks beentheretwice,

                        some answers to your post:
                        Mother lives less than 5 minutes from my house, same school bus that picked her up at mothers picks her up right in front of my house.
                        she started 1 on 1 counseling yesterday, will be very good for her low self esteem issues.
                        she has ben with me about 1 month now, so far so good, some bumps along the way but she follows my house rules pretty good. I pay her an allowance and for her to collect it, she has a list of chores she needs to complete, no chores, no allowance and since I had to sign for her cell phone and she pays me monthly for it, the phone would be mine also, so theres her motivation to do chores... OMG NO CELLPHONE!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!
                        she has brought home some gfs I wasn't overly pleased with, she has a bf, dating 2 months, asked if he could sleep over, said no, don't think it's appropriate, she was ok with that.
                        told her we will just take day by day

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                        • #42
                          Sounds positive...

                          With my own daughters one key thing I've done is to ensure we eat one meal together at the table at least 3 or 4 times a week. Kids always know if mom or dad is making dinner, and if they'll be eating in mom's kitchen or dad's kitchen. When in my basement kitchen I knock on the celing to as a "dinner bell" and they come pretty much right away and help get the table ready.

                          The dinner together (or weekend breakfast) provides an opportunity to just talk. I have found that my kids, especially my 15 year old, frequently come to the table with specific things that THEY want to talk about. Been doing this pretty consistently for 5+ years now, so it's become routine. It's REALLY made it MUCH easier to talk about all kids of things.

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                          • #43
                            We eat a sitdown dinner every weekday night and we talk about whatever she wants to talk about, am a pretty good cook so she eats everything I put infront of her. She is responsible to set the table and get stuff out of fridge when she sees me start dinner, she is then responsible to clear the table and put everything back in fridge. on occasion I ask her to wash the dishes. On weekends we usually sit for lunch and chitchat.

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                            • #44
                              Sounds very similar to my own experience.

                              My girls seem to enjoy the conversation. Seldom in a hurry to get back to whatever else they are doing.

                              Doesn't change the fact though that at 15, your daughter, and my own, are both on the threshhold of moving on with their own lives. Perhaps not quite there yet, but it's coming quickly now.

                              In my case I'm thankful that there doesn't seem to be any "special boys" in the life of my 15 year old. Yet !!.. But it will come.

                              My mother has 6 sons (no daughters) and 17 grandchildren, of which 14 are girls and only 3 boys. 7 of the girls have now past their 16th birthday, so as a family the stories pretty much run the full range of what we might expect. Boys.. yes.. But no teenaged pregancies yet.. so that's a good thing.

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