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How to explain I cannot visit daughter at ex's

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  • How to explain I cannot visit daughter at ex's

    My 3yo is making increasingly frequent requests for me and my partner (and our friends) to visit her at my ex's place. We split before she was born, so she has no experience of us being together except at exchanges, where there is generally no communication. Ex has made accusations of abuse, so there is no way I'm going anywhere near her place.

    Anyone have any suggestions on good explanations/reasons that make sense to a 3yo and are non-negative? Maybe we just need to reinforce the concept of mummy-time and daddy-time without further explanation?

    (From what I can gather, it seems my ex's responses to these questions is to tell her that daddy cannot come because he is bad, or because daddy is a boy and we like only girls.)
    Last edited by dinkyface; 09-07-2010, 05:06 PM.

  • #2
    I think you answered your own question Mommy time and daddy time works well, reassuring her that you also want to spend time with her

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    • #3
      Not sure what your custody arrangement is but perhaps she just wants to spend some time with you in 'her' space or show you her space there, perhaps she would be happy enough if she were able to take pics of her space there and show you?

      Hard to say what she's really after without knowing more but it may just be something very simple she wants, she is only 3 after all. The best thing I could suggest would be try to root out what she wants and find another way to meet her needs rather than trying to explain more grown up concepts to a child so young.

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      • #4
        My sentiment is as above. I often tell my child that they have two homes, and are lucky to celebrate a particular holiday twice including their birthday. Not all kids get to do this.

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        • #5
          Does she have her own space at your home? Could you do something special to show her that you have your own special place with her? Maybe decorate the room or buy bedding together?

          I know it's hard explaining to a child that young. My daughter kept asking when we were going to move back into our old house and be together again.

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          • #6
            Definitely she has her own room, that is hers alone. Furnished with items brought or made specially for her (and enthusiastically received), and tonnes of toys and clothes and family pictures. Bath toys abound in the bathroom. Also has a play room on main floor, and a kiddy swing, and kiddy watering can and ball outside in the garden.

            I'd guess that she feels that mum's place is her 'main home', as she spends overall 65% time there (although days are split pretty evenly between dad, mum and daycare) . I don't think she remembers anything different than this current arrangement.

            I think she's just a very social creature, and loves party/attention/company. home. Recently we've been travelling and visiting, and almost always at the end of the evening, when it's time to go home, she wants to invite people to come back with us.
            Last edited by dinkyface; 09-14-2010, 02:48 PM.

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