Denial of access again

[Paytable2]

My X is denying access this weekend, July 8-12 (my weekend).
Her self-justification for this revolves around a winter vacation I took the kids for 10 days that included 4 of her weekdays (but NO weekends).
I have stated in writing that I do not consent to her including my weekend in her July 1-8 vacation however she refuses to listen.

A similar occurrence happened last year only she took the kids in Feb. for 2 weeks that DID include not one but TWO of my weekends (16 days) yet refused to give me a weekend in the summer to make up.
To top that off, last year on her vacation week (first week of July) she denied access claiming my weekend at what should have been the end of her vacation as "hers".

Bottom line here is that I'm sick and tired of worrying every year about how she is going to try and intentionally screw up the summer.

I suggested mediation to work out an equal and fair schedule but that has been flat our refused. I was told to deal with her lawyer yet she has not spoken to in months nor retained her previous lawyer therefore, he will not discuss it with me as technically he has not been authorized to do so by her. (aka he's not getting paid).

I want to file a motion to have a court order a schedule for summer vacations as well as all other vacation/holidays etc. THere is a constant battle surrounding holidays and who gets the kids when, it's got to stop and the only way I can think of is with an order.

Background:
- Have a S/A but it is a little vague on details in this area. We are each entitled to 2 weeks winter and 2 weeks summer vacation, it does not specify what a week is (although I would thing that should be typically 7 days) nor does it specify who chooses the weeks etc. or that a "week vacation" should not include the other person's weekend(s). All holes that need to be filled.
- 50/50 parenting time
- Joint custody
- Divorce final

- What do I need to do to file a motion to have a schedule enforced?
- should I come up with a reasonable schedule in detail to file with the motion?
- Is it likely to have an emergency motion to for instance order that My weekends for July/Aug are_ _ _ and hers are _ _ _ ?
- What about denial of access (now 2 times in 2 years). Can I recoup my lost time?

It's unfortunate that something that has to be equal in the end no matter what has to end up in court because one party is too pig headed and will not bother to cooperate to fix the "grey areas" but so be it.
Your advice on where to start with this is appreciated.

[wretchedotis]

twice in two years?
LOL.
Sorry. but I wish my boy was so lucky.
What can you do?
You can attempt to exercise your access, and call the police when she refuses.
You can file a motion for a more stringent access schedule to reduce conflict between parties.
You can document every occurance, with police report numbers, and after a few times in a reasonably short amount of time, you can file a motion of contempt. You need more specific access details in your agreement/order first, before you'll be able to pull of a contempt order (Sounds like anyways).

In the meanwhile, bend over and take it.

[dinkyface]

Generally when you specify vacation allocations in an order, this means NO makeup time. Otherwise, it would just be a swap of days (which is NOT in your best interest if you have < 50% time!)

Simplest, and most flexible for 1-week vacations: Parent X can take ANY 7 days - there's no rule that the 7 days must include X's regular weekend. You could even adjoin 7 days on to a regular access LONG weekend to make it 10 days. Very useful for travelling on charter sun/ski flights, where you actually need 8 days due to flight schedules. She can do it, and so can you. Nothing unfair about it.

For 2-week vacations: again, no limitations, can conjoin with regular weekend to give 16 or 17 days. At MOST this can deprive the other parent of ONE of their weekends (assuming your regular schedule is alternating weekends)

I don't understand how you lost 2 weekends due to her 14 day vacation (16 including her prior weekend)....
- herSaSu M-F (her vacation starts M morning, adjoining her usual wkend)
- yourSaSu M-F (your usual weekend is lost)
- herSaSu M-F (her vacation ends M morning after her usual wkend)

It's a good idea to alternate 'first choice' between parents each year.

Just realise ... the rules that she is 'claiming' apply to you too. And it seems that her interpretation is not out of the ordinary... EXCEPT for the July 8-12 - is she making this one of her vacation weeks? Make up (if that's what she wants to call it) must be agreed on with the initial change i.e. when you agreed on your winter vacation ... you cannot just say 5 months later ... oh, I'm TAKING makeup for such and such.

[Paytable2]

How I lost 2 weekends...
She began her trip on Friday of my weekend.
She returned 16 days later on the Sunday of what would be my next weekend.
This deprived me of 2 weekends consecutively of seeing my kids. I had them only 1 day per week at that time so that amounts to 2 days in that entire month I had my kids.

Our S/A calls out 2 week winter/summer for all.
I have a problem if she decides to take 7 days anytime as you mention. I don't see it as reasonable that if she decides to take 7 days that she can make that commence at the end of one of her weekends and extend that to 9 or 10 days. That is essentially 'stealing' weekends from the other parent and it becomes more of an issue in the short summer months. That really is what she is doing this time though. Her weekend was the long weekend so she decided to take the week and my weekend as well making it a 10 day stint. Now the next weekend will be hers as well so for July I will not have my kids until 3 weeks in?
It might not be that bad if she were fair. I offered to trade her this weekend for next. I would start my 2 week vac early (on her weekend) then in exchange. Answer was flat out no, I somehow owe her my summer for the 4 weekdays in the winter I took them away this year.

I totally agree, alternating years for first choice is the way to go.

A 'week' should be 7 days and that it should be arranged that the vacation doesn't fall on either parties normal weekend. That is very easy to plan. If one party does want to take a weekend belonging to the other, the other party must consent and it is reasonable that a similar trade-off be made. Fair would be winter for winter, not winter for prime summer.

If party A takes a week at a time (such as my X) and the 7 days is tagged onto Party A's normal weekend then Party B actually loses 2 weekends in the summer.
In my case my X is very unreasonable and she actually is doing just that but expecting me to take NONE of her weekends. I have 2 weeks planned but my '2 weeks' was to begin on a Monday and end on the next Friday starting her weekend. To me that is unreasonable but please tell me if I'm wrong here.

As for a court order, is it not reasonable enough to state that:

- An allowance of 2 weeks winter and 2 weeks summer vacation for each party
- A week shall be 7 calendar days and shall not not include a normal weekend of the other party without written consent. A make up weekend if desired shall be granted within 4 weeks of the end of the vacation and the date must be stated in the letter of consent. No other compensation shall be acceptable except where agreed to by both parties in writing.
- 2 week vacations are allowed but exclude weekends of the other party unless consent is granted as above.

I realize it should work both ways.
How do you deal with someone that looks back at 4 what would have been school nights in March/April that they missed and then just take a prime summer weekend to 'get even'? It's a little like giving me your Chevette and taking back my Mercedes.

Are the vacation examples you noted in your post some sort of precedent or 'template' or just your thoughts?

[dinkyface]

So the problem is that she took 14 days PLUS 2 of YOUR regular days (as opposed to 14 days plus 2 of HER regular days). That's not right, and would not be permitted under the terms I suggested.

Re your proposed terms: Sure it would be fair, since it seems like the rules apply equally both ways ... but I'm still not sure why you would want to limit your own vacation time in this way. I wouldn't agree to it myself.

I understand you are very unhappy about losing the weekend time, and missing 3 weekends in a row is tough (I'm currently in that spot right now - it is a long time), but are you really wanting to handicap your OWN vacation time to prevent it? You're only talking about max 4 weekends lost (which you can make up with your OWN vacation time). It evens out...

The terms I suggested are from our own order, and are consistent with what I've read on this forum (actually, by some fluke of negotiation, my ex has to offer make up for 2 of her 4 allocated summer vacation weeks, but I don't - however she can regularly do 6 day vacations within her regular time)

Another suggestion to include in your order: Makeup time for a weekend day lost must be a weekend day; Makeup time for a weekday/overnight must be a weekday (i.e. no trading chevette for lambo)

[Paytable2]

Yes you have it right. She is trading a chev for the lambo this time around too.

I don't want to limit time, just trying to make it "idiot proof". If it is arranged that NO weekends are exchanged then I figured it's a pretty clear that we don't have this weekend stealing thing.

I'll have to think about the flexibility vs easy of management. It SHOULD be easy to figure out but as has proven to be the case, common sense and logic don't rear their heads much in dealing with her.

I agree with the like for like time addition I will do that.

Now, any idea if this type of thing can be heard/ordered as an emergency?

[dinkyface]

Funny - my ex was against permitting 7 days adjoining own weekend = 9 days, saying that it meant missing 3 weekends in a row. So I proposed switching a weekend so that each parent would skip only 2 weekends in a row. It was refused. So, it appears her motive was to make sure I only got an extra 5 days of parenting time from the '7-day vacation' week.

Your weekend switching/limit proposal seems like it might cause unnecessary additional negotiation. If you are concerned, then make the limitations clear e.g.

"Each parent is entitled to one summer vacation of 14 consecutive days. This is 14 24-hour periods, from handover to handover. Extension to 17 consecutive days is permitted, but only if the extension falls on the parent's own regular access time e.g. adjoining to a long weekend or weekdays.

In addition, each parent is entitled to two vacations of 7 consecutive days. This is 7 24-hour periods, from handover to handover. Extension to 10 consecutive days is permitted, but only if the extension falls on the parent's own regular access time e.g. adjoining to a long weekend or weekdays.

Neither parent may conjoin their 14-day or 7-day periods. At least 4 days must pass between the end of one vacation and the start of the same parent's next vacation.

No make-up is required for these vacation periods."

But even with the clearest terms, the other parent can still screw with it. Then (assuming polite and firm logic fails) you only have recourse to the courts ... who will be more helpful if there is no ambiguity in your agreement.

No, this is not an emergency motion issue ... unless you have flights (or similar unchangeable plans) booked imminently.

[dinkyface]

One thing I haven't figured out... We are both to finalise summer vacation plans by June 1st, and first pick alternates years. This means that when my ex has first pick, I cannot plan any airline travel in June... because she can refuse to agree/commit to ANYTHING before June 1, making it impossible to book flights before June 1... which practically means flying in July at the earliest. No, this is not just a hypothetical problem. Ceases to be an issue after kidlet starts school though...