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  • Can anyone help with the calculations?

    Can anyone help me with the proper calculations of both child support and spousal support?


    1. Married for 5 years.
    2. He makes $130,000 a year
    3. I make $24,000 a year
    4. I have sole custody of my 3 children from a previous marriage.
    5. He acted as a full parent to my children. Helping financially, emotionally, etc. etc.
    6. The kids bio dad does pay some support.


    How are calculations done in this situation?

  • #2
    There is such a thing as "in loco parentis" where a spouse will pay support for non-bio children if they acted as a parent. This is NOT automatic, you have to make your arguments, he will make his and a judge will decide on a case-by-case basis. 5 years is considered a short marriage and not a long relationship with the children. Spousal support would be no longer than 2-2.5 years for this length of marriage. The amount of spousal support would be affected by whether there was child support paid or not. There are no clear answers to your questions and you would need to speak with a very experienced attorney to get proper answers. You may not necessarily be able to afford a senior attorney but it will be worth your money to pay for an hour consultation and get proper answers to these questions.

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    • #3
      If bio-dad is paying child support, then I don't see how your new ex would be responsible for anything other then spousal support.

      I agree with Mess, you definitely should speak to an attorney.

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      • #4
        I guess though, I didn't really explain how the kids don't have much to do with bio dad.
        This man (their step dad) has been part of their lives for 7 years. They call him dad, etc. etc.
        Can someone really emotionally and financially walk in and promise kids and treat kids like his own and then suddenly just walk out because they want a single life?
        I get and understand what some people's views are in this, but as a mom seeing the effects that it has on a child there is so much more to it.
        Their step dad has been part of their life, and lived with them way longer than their bio dad.
        How can even morally someone be able to just up and decide "oh I think I just want the single life age!!) What about the effects of everyone else?

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        • #5
          Do you really want an answer to your questions, or are you just venting? As Mess says, you should seek a lawyer's advice, and be cognizant to the fact that you may only get SS for 2 - 2 1/2 yrs. Possibly no C.S. as thier Bio father is paying. This is why you might need a lawyers help in figuring out a course of action.

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          • #6
            There isn't a staightforward calculation for child support for step parents. First of all, as Mess says, the court has to find that he stood in the place of a parent. Then, if he has, the court will look at the child support guidelines, the amount of the support paid by the dad and your needs.

            So, there isn't a clear answer to your question.

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            • #7
              Forcing him to pay child support will not keep him involved with your children. He has to choose that for himself. Having step-parents move in and out of a child's life is not good, but if you try to keep a positive relationship with him, maybe he will continue to want to play a role in their lives. This should not be financial. you have your financial support from the bio-dad.

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              • #8
                If he has stood in loco parentis, he may be required to pay some CS, though at best it would likely be a portional amount. I had stood in loco parentis to my stepson for a longer period and was actively trying to gain equal custody rights towards him and the judge said that if it had went to trial, I'd probably be asked to pay 1/3 table amount. If your ex is fighting in loco parentis designation and abandoning all parental rights then it might be a much tougher haul for you.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by About_Time View Post
                  If he has stood in loco parentis, he may be required to pay some CS, though at best it would likely be a portional amount. I had stood in loco parentis to my stepson for a longer period and was actively trying to gain equal custody rights towards him and the judge said that if it had went to trial, I'd probably be asked to pay 1/3 table amount. If your ex is fighting in loco parentis designation and abandoning all parental rights then it might be a much tougher haul for you.
                  So it is possible to fight for custody rights for a step child? How long were you involved with your stepson for? And what was the outcome if you don't mind me asking?

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Zhoozhelitsa View Post
                    So it is possible to fight for custody rights for a step child? How long were you involved with your stepson for? And what was the outcome if you don't mind me asking?
                    Yes, it's absolutely possible to fight for custody rights of a stepchild. That said, if a step-parent is fighting for access and custody rights it would be hard for them to turn around and also say that they have no responsibilities re: CS, etc.

                    I met my ex when my son was only 9 months old. As the biological father was not involved, my son was unaware that I was not his biological father until he was about 11 or 12. I had always (and continue to) treat him as though he were my son.

                    After a long and expensive fight, I managed to get joint custody of both my stepson and my biological daughter. This was, however, a negotiated settlement with my ex. Had it gone to trial, it's tough to say how it may have worked out - which is why I didn't take that chance. I pay full table CS for my daughter and 1/3 the table difference between one and two kids for my son. The ex also gets full table amount from the bio dad now, so she actually comes out with far more CS in total than she would had it been simply "one payor - two kids". We split expenses for both children 50-50 (the bio dad is off the hook for these).

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by About_Time View Post
                      Yes, it's absolutely possible to fight for custody rights of a stepchild. That said, if a step-parent is fighting for access and custody rights it would be hard for them to turn around and also say that they have no responsibilities re: CS, etc.

                      I met my ex when my son was only 9 months old. As the biological father was not involved, my son was unaware that I was not his biological father until he was about 11 or 12. I had always (and continue to) treat him as though he were my son.

                      After a long and expensive fight, I managed to get joint custody of both my stepson and my biological daughter. This was, however, a negotiated settlement with my ex. Had it gone to trial, it's tough to say how it may have worked out - which is why I didn't take that chance. I pay full table CS for my daughter and 1/3 the table difference between one and two kids for my son. The ex also gets full table amount from the bio dad now, so she actually comes out with far more CS in total than she would had it been simply "one payor - two kids". We split expenses for both children 50-50 (the bio dad is off the hook for these).
                      Do you think things would have played out differently if your step son was older (say, 3+) and he had an established relationship with his bio dad?

                      Also, say, your ex gets re-married. Ok, let's say an ex wife gets re-married in order to de-personalize this scenario. She has joint custody and her home is the children's primary residence. Will her new husband have a say in parenting the children since he physically lives with them now, cares for them etc. If the three disagree on a decision involving the children, will the new husband have any legal say? Just curious. Thank you!

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Zhoozhelitsa View Post
                        Do you think things would have played out differently if your step son was older (say, 3+) and he had an established relationship with his bio dad?

                        Also, say, your ex gets re-married. Ok, let's say an ex wife gets re-married in order to de-personalize this scenario. She has joint custody and her home is the children's primary residence. Will her new husband have a say in parenting the children since he physically lives with them now, cares for them etc. If the three disagree on a decision involving the children, will the new husband have any legal say? Just curious. Thank you!
                        I think I was definately helped by the fact that I acted as my son's father from a very early age and for a long period of time. It also helped that his bio dad was largely out of the picture and not paying support. I was basically a poster boy for in loco parentis.

                        If he had been a little older and had a relationship with his bio dad, it would have factored in, but it's hard to say to what extent. It's entirely possible for a step-parent to come into the picture when a child is older and still be in loco parentis - even with a bio dad in the picture. Obviously, a lot depends on the particulars and there are too many factors to say for sure. I'm kind of on the extreme end of the spectrum and as you add in these layers of complication, you start drifting closer to the middle or the other end. Where you fall is up to the judge.

                        My ex isn't remarried but has been living with a guy for about a year, so I'm already sort of in that situation. As it happens, the new guy (aside from his choice in women) is fantastic. He has a daughter himself, so I find that he is very mindful of my role as the kids' dad. He does discipline them occassionally and has a say in the parenting, but he leaves the big decisions to us and generally accepts his ... I hate to say "lesser status", but I think you know what I mean here.

                        From a legal perspective, I would think that major decisions would still be between the ex and I to haggle out. Ultimately, she and I have that authority in law - not him, even if they get married. From a practical perspective though, I have to accept that he lives there and has to deal with my kids on an almost daily basis - so a respectful, inclusive discourse is in everyone's best interest.

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                        • #13
                          About_Time
                          I am very impressed with how you feel regarding your son. You are a true gentleman and father.

                          I see what my STBX has done to my children emotionally and it honestly isn't a game walking into children's lives being a dad in every possible way, and then decide its time to move on to have the single life.

                          Emotionally I don't know how I am going to get my kids over such a tramua and then yes it is financially as well. The kids don't understand yet how hard its going to hit us as a family. They won't be able to play hockey, take horseback riding lessons etc. Then of course all the financial stuff that as only us parents really know.
                          Long story short its just nice to hear someone say that care and that they didn't rip a childs heart out.

                          Comment

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