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  • What are my chances?

    19 yr. old, has lived with me full time, in college and dorm with food plan. X says he doesn't have to pay CS. My lawyer has sent 2 letters asking for a payment of CS (1/2 of what it normally would be). The sep. agreement does not have CS for her because we didn't know what her plans were and it took 2.5 years to get the agreement. Should I just go to court... looking at the expenses for sep. agreement and I'm frankly tired of fighting with him. Is it worth it or will the judge agree no support is needed. He makes about 13,000 more than I do. On one income it is hard to help her out with clothing, travel and spending money because she was not a good student. She is finally doing well and does not want to jeopardize her grades. I'm sure the court would not agree with this. She has been home 3 weekends since Sept. Opinion please. Or should I just suck it up and leave it as is. She has another year after this.

  • #2
    Ok...so there are lots of questions that come to mind with this post.

    However...

    1. Your daughter is living away in a dorm on a food plan. This indicates that perhaps she is working towards a degree while seeking independance...a good thing.

    2. Your ex has stopped supporting his daughter through CS to you.

    So...

    1. Does he support her in other ways? Is he giving her $$ directly?

    2. Is he paying for part of her education? ...are you?

    3. Is she getting student loans for her education?

    Really...at 19 she should be figuring some of this out for herself. If she is coming home every other weekend or so because she is seeing a boyfriend or friends, well that is her choice and you are in no way obligated to fund it. If she wants new clothes and spending money a "mcjob" would be the answer...

    If this is really about clothing, travel money and spending money...think about the $$$ you will be investing by going to court. It is going to cost you $$$ either through lawyer costs or if self-represented the filing costs, loss of wage costs, etc.

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    • #3
      Does the child declare primary residence with you? Any college, with students who live in residence, have to declare a primary residence outside the campus. Is this your residence? If so, then the NCP is still required to pay CS. And it would be the full table amount in accordance with the guidelines amount.

      You mention that the separation agreement doesn't mention CS, which is somewhat irrelevant. You can sign away your SS support, but you can't sign away the rights of your child in terms of CS.

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      • #4
        My daughter's primary res. is mine on all paperwork at school and her ID. Her father and I pay for her school percentage according to income. He helped with food and other basics before she left- we both did. He does not give her money and we both agree she should get a job for spending money at least. I can't make her get a job. I give her 100 a month spending money so she can get what she needs.
        Since he hasn't responded to both letters to his lawyer... what then, wait it out indefinitely, keep sending letters. I know this is going to be a waste of money too. It's just soo frustrating and I can't in any way talk to him. I presume he'll just ignore the letters.
        Last edited by momiss; 10-26-2012, 08:49 AM. Reason: Corrections

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        • #5
          You say she had trouble in school... did she cease to be a child of the marriage before she started post secondary?

          I agree...she should get a job, if she wants spending money, that should be on her own accord. I have only been out of college for 2 years... during those two years, I worked a part time job during the school months and a full time job in the summer. I applied for student loans and OSAP.

          No one can force her to do anything, but you are enabling her, by giving her spending money. He should be helping out with school expenses, but depending on what happened before she started post secondary, he may not have to pay CS. You state she has only been home 3 weekends since September...in my opinion, a reduction in CS (like you proposed) would be reasonable.

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          • #6
            Berner-faith, I have always thought you were somebody who was in her 50s for some reason. Good on you for doing everything you could to support yourself through school. We do our children no favors by not expecting them to take some financial responsibility for their post-secondary education.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Nadia View Post
              Berner-faith, I have always thought you were somebody who was in her 50s for some reason. Good on you for doing everything you could to support yourself through school. We do our children no favors by not expecting them to take some financial responsibility for their post-secondary education.
              Thanks Nadia...I know it is not the case for everyone, but I truly felt those who worked hard to be in the school, were the ones who succeeded... those who had their parents pay for everything, were usually the ones who did not care and often dropped out... my program started with 124 people...at the end of the 2 years, only 53 of us graduated. I can honestly say, most of the ones who dropped out were the ones who had their way paid for them. It is unfortunate, but it seems to be the way things go now a days.

              I think it is important for young adults to learn the value of money and the responsibility of working for and having money. That is not to say that whenever I had a hard time during college, my parents didn't help me out, because they did in a heart beat, but they have received every penny of it back.

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