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  • Psychologist councelling

    I have a shared parenting agreement with my ex-husband. He doesn't wish to communicate with me other than through lawyers. He filed a court order motion with request for my consent to send the youngest child to the psychologist for councelling. He states that child is depressed and generally is unhappy and makes comments like "My life is hell" and "I wish I were dead". I was forced to accept the week-on, week-off arrangement after my husband started to fire off the motions to court filled with upright lies about my parenting skills and he admitted that he's not going to leave me in peace until I agree to his requests. I did so hoping that he will calm down and be satisfied with whatever he wants even I didn't believe this arrangement will work out. My ex refuses to meet and talk with me about any child related issues, so I found out about the counselling request through the lawyer who was served with the court order motion. He stated the name of psychologist he wants to use for councelling. I am afraid that if I consent to councelling with this particular psychologist it can end with another court order motion from my husband that would be based on psychologist report which will state that child should be taken from me and my ex would have a sole custody. I'm just scared. My ex is a very controlling man and totally obsessed with his only child. He doesn't have any interest in life except our son. What should I do? Should I concent to everything he wants? Should I file a motion requesting a different psychologist? I'm afraid that no psychologist councelling can help if father is openly hostile to the mother and child feels that.

  • #2
    malvina,

    as you mentioned,

    I have a shared parenting agreement with my ex-husband. He doesn't wish to communicate with me other than through lawyers.
    This arrangement somewhat suggests that a shared parenting arrangement might not be workable to the child or children's best interest unless it was a parallel parenting regime. ie: Each parent has the authority to make reasonable decisions in regards to the child's best interest when the child is in their respective care and control. One thing is certain is if communication is occurring through lawyers it could become a quite expensive ordeal and additionally when all the litigation settles, is each parent going to retain their respective lawyers for this sole purpose? Other options are available such as using a communication journal.

    He filed a court order motion with request for my consent to send the youngest child to the psychologist for councelling. He states that child is depressed and generally is unhappy and makes comments like "My life is hell" and "I wish I were dead".
    This is a rather aggressive approach and further suggests by taking same that a shared custody regime may not be unworkable. Was there any previous discussion upfront on this issue before the motion or did the individual just file the motion requesting the intervention of the physiologist. At this point in time, the statements that are being made are opinionated and the verbal statements are heresay. Have you noticed anything along the same lines and behaviour when the child is in your care and control?

    I was forced to accept the week-on, week-off arrangement after my husband started to fire off the motions to court filled with upright lies about my parenting skills and he admitted that he's not going to leave me in peace until I agree to his requests. I did so hoping that he will calm down and be satisfied with whatever he wants even I didn't believe this arrangement will work out.
    A rather aggressive tactic. If it was myself personally, I would of only agreed to the current regime if I felt it to be in the child's best interest. I wouldn't worry about what steps or threats of litigation the individual was going to take especially if they advised upfront in a threating intimidating way.

    My ex refuses to meet and talk with me about any child related issues, so I found out about the counselling request through the lawyer who was served with the court order motion. He stated the name of psychologist he wants to use for councelling. I am afraid that if I consent to councelling with this particular psychologist it can end with another court order motion from my husband that would be based on psychologist report which will state that child should be taken from me and my ex would have a sole custody.

    I agree with your fears. You should have some input to the choice of the psycologist. Their final report may have significant influence with the court.
    If it was me, I would agree to the psycologist but have more of a say in the selection process. Who knows the current one they have selected may be tennis buddies with your ex's lawyer and I suspect they would give a biased report. It appears they have done some homework already on the selection process upfront.

    What should I do? Should I concent to everything he wants? Should I file a motion requesting a different psychologist? I'm afraid that no psychologist councelling can help if father is openly hostile to the mother and child feels that.
    From what you have described, he is setting the scene up for perhaps that he will be bringing forth a motion to vary your agreement on shared custody.

    ie: no communication, psycologist intervention, lack of co-operation etc.

    If it was me, I would bring forth forth a request to have the office of the children's lawyer involved in the matter and subsequently have them represent the child. They would most likely complete an independent parenting assessment on the abilities of each respect parent and would interview third party colaterial witness's. I would agree to a psycologist intervention in principle, but not the specific one they have chosen.

    Some parent's deliberately choose not to communicate or co-operate then cite this as a viable reason to not have a shared custody regime in regards to the child. They will also generally point the finger and blame towards the other parent. Bring an open offer that you would like to communicate in regards to the child through a communication journal. If one parent refuses this technique, this somewhats bring the light who does not want to communicate with whom. It further questions their ability to act as a parent in the ongoing responsibility of same.



    lv
    Last edited by logicalvelocity; 11-16-2006, 08:23 PM.

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    • #3
      Thank you for your reply.
      I found today that I'm in a bigger trouble than I thought. I requested my lawyer's office to fax me all the documents pertaining to the court order motion and found out that 3 !! letters were sent from my ex's lawyer to my lawyer requesting my consent to the psychological councelling for my son. Letters were dated October 19, October 30, and November 8. My lawyer called me on November 15, first time in last 2 months, and told me about the court order motion but never even mentioned those letters.
      The motion states the request to "directing that child commence counselling with Mr. so-and-so (psychologist) on an immediate basis, without the necessity of consent of the Defendant (me)." and also says the following "The Defendant has refused to consent to this counselling".
      I can't get my lawyer to comment on the matter as he is in court all day.
      What do you think about these situation in general and is there anything I can do now under the circumstances?

      Comment


      • #4
        Malvina
        Youir ex sounds identical to mine and I am dealing with the psychological counselling for the children right now- I believe it is an attempt to attack my parenting..AGAIN. He's tried already through CAS and an unsuccessful attempt to get a court ordered psychiatric assessment of me. I believe that a local (ottawa) men's group is fueling his vicious attack on me. Sorry I can't help you, except to say that your story is sounding so familiar...
        Ottawa Mom

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        • #5
          What do you think about the councelling that your children are having? Are you satisfied with results? Are you happy with the psychologist?

          I am worried that the psychologist will have a power over the child's mind and there is no guarantee that this power will not hurt the child in a long run.

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          • #6
            I am refusing to go with the psychologisty he found, fearing that she is part of the anti-mother movement I am becoming increasingly aware of. So far it is stale mate and it will fall on the children's lawyer to decide. Stand firm. Believe in yourself and fight for your child. Don't cave to the harrassment and intimidation. The men are so angry that we left that they will continue to control us through our children. Don't let him.
            Ottawa Mom

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            • #7
              Malvina,

              I found today that I'm in a bigger trouble than I thought. I requested my lawyer's office to fax me all the documents pertaining to the court order motion and found out that 3 !! letters were sent from my ex's lawyer to my lawyer requesting my consent to the psychological councelling for my son. Letters were dated October 19, October 30, and November 8. My lawyer called me on November 15, first time in last 2 months, and told me about the court order motion but never even mentioned those letters.
              The motion states the request to "directing that child commence counselling with Mr. so-and-so (psychologist) on an immediate basis, without the necessity of consent of the Defendant (me)." and also says the following "The Defendant has refused to consent to this counselling".
              I can't get my lawyer to comment on the matter as he is in court all day.
              What do you think about these situation in general and is there anything I can do now under the circumstances?
              It appears they have a paper trail in place and in all your lawyer should of informed you in regards to these letters when they received same.

              If it was me, I would send them a letter outlining my stance. which would be that I agree and consent with the psycologist involved in principle, but not the one they have unilaterally chosen. I would present a list of 3 to 5 different psycologist.

              If there intentions of having a child psycologist involved to complete a parenting assessment then section 30(3) of the Children's Law Reform Act would apply.

              Under the children's Law Reform Act, The assessor may be appointed on consent of both parties but, if there is no agreement, the court may choose and appoint the assessor. (s. 30(3) Children’s Law Reform Act.) The court may not appoint an assessor unless he/she has agreed to do the assessment. (s. 30(4) Children’s Law Reform Act.)

              If you are in Ottawa, attached below is a list of assessors and psycologists that will complete court reports

              lv
              Attached Files
              Last edited by logicalvelocity; 11-16-2006, 08:21 PM.

              Comment


              • #8
                I thank everyone who replied to my posting.
                My lawyer still didn't return any of my calls and didn't answer to my e-mail message. Meanwhile I called the person whose name was stated on the court order motion as a councelling professional whom my ex wants my child to see for therapy sessions. Apparently, this person is not a chartered or registered psychologist but a social worker with private practice who is doing a lot of work with courts in regards to custody and access evaluation. According to him, he is well known in legal circles and I guess, my ex's lawyer recommended him to my ex. I'm asking myself a question, if my ex is so concerned about my child depression, why is he insisting on the involvement of the social worker instead of a professional psychologist? Am I paranoid or it is really a subtle way to evaluate my parenting abilities?

                Comment


                • #9
                  malvina,

                  why is he insisting on the involvement of the social worker instead of a professional psychologist? Am I paranoid or it is really a subtle way to evaluate my parenting abilities?
                  No your not paranoid. I suspect they are attempting to vary the current custody regime and I do suspect you have stumbled on their hidden agenda. I already see that they are refusing to communicate with yourself ie: only through lawyers. From what you have uncovered, I believe you have grounds now to contest the specific psychologist/social worker they have chosen. Be aware that you may have to pay a pro-rated share of this assessment if ordered and as such you should have a voice in the selection of same. Any report given for a parenting assessment may have a significant impact on your case. I did attach a list of court recommended psychologist/social workers for the Ottawa area that are specialized in parenting assessments. If you consent to their choice, you may receive a biased report that may work against you.

                  lv

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Same boat...confused re Letter this Friday

                    Hello everyone,

                    I just joined not long ago (my post is in 'Introduction).
                    Btwn > thanks Lv for your previous replies.
                    Keeping my story in mind, I have a letter advising that ex wants to bring a motion and suggested some 2 names for assessors.
                    I don't know what to do.
                    Initially we had applications in for Office of C L to be involved. So I patiently waited for response. BUT somehow...somewhere....I never quite understood, I was told by lawyer we should toss out that approach since there was some error on endorsement as to language {'shall' or 'may' get involved}.
                    Again, as I say, I never honestly understood what "went wrong".
                    Three months later, ex is threatening motions and private assessors.

                    Should I re-open the issue of OCl?
                    For one, I can't afford private assesors...for info sake, kindly please share with me a list for Toronto.

                    Thank you all.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      inlimbo,

                      as you mentioned,

                      Initially we had applications in for Office of C L to be involved. So I patiently waited for response. BUT somehow...somewhere....I never quite understood, I was told by lawyer we should toss out that approach since there was some error on endorsement as to language {'shall' or 'may' get involved}.
                      Again, as I say, I never honestly understood what "went wrong".

                      A court can recommend that the office of the children's lawyer be involved, but ultimately the office of the children's lawyer has the final word whether or not they will take on the case.

                      with the wording - shall or may - shall is an an absolute word and as such would be an incorrect usage in an order as the discretion rests with the office of the children's lawyer to be involved. "May" would be the better word to use.

                      In a private assessment, the parties absorb the costs of same, generally on a pro-rated basis reflect of their income where as the OCL assessment would be completed at no charge to the parents. The private assessment may cost thousands of dollars to complete.

                      lv

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Thank you very much for your reply, logicalvelocity.

                        Inlimbo.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          IL,

                          np, glad to help

                          lv

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