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  • Enforcement of Parenting Plan clauses

    Facts:
    Male
    8 years separated.
    6 years divorced and remarried
    3 teens.
    Detailed separation agreement includes specific parenting plan provisions.
    Joint legal custody with joint decisions making for major decisions including activities. Consent is required.
    Equal access to appointments etc.

    Long history of mother making unilateral decisions. Hates having to consult so does not. Then makes claims for cash for activities without consent. Activities all started after separation agreement (no history during marriage).

    Long history of belligerence, withholding kids, making demands, nasty conduct.

    Mother sued for sole custody 2 years ago and also claims unsubstantiated arrears plus some really weird other claims. Sole custody is based on assertion that step-mom interfered by sending 2 emails to tell he to comply with the parenting plan over a 6 year period.

    Latest offer from them (only one) is for joint custody and a Parenting coordinator. Redundant since agreement already has Joint so WTF???

    Lawyer refuses to discuss, only wants to appear at trial. 4 pre-trial conferences that went in circles. I am very confident in my response that now has hundreds of exhibits proving wilful breach of parenting plan and likely malice. Judges so far are kind of shaking their heads. Final conference is in 2 weeks with trial set in 3 weeks. Not hopeful for any settlement especially unenforceable.

    What I really want in the end is some kind of an order to enforce the existing parenting plan. Someone suggested a motion for a contempt order.

    Any experience here? I want something I can enforce.

  • #2
    Enforcement of Parenting Plan clauses

    I didnt suggest a motion for contempt. I said to look into whether or not you can add language that allows you to file for contempt without having to deal with the mountain that is filing for contempt.

    Contempt is one of the hardest things to win. There are very few successful motions for contempt.

    You hadn’t mentioned how old your kids are. Now that you state they are teens, sole custody or joint decision making is going to be difficult. The kids get to decide. You don’t have to pay for activities she unilaterally enrolls in but you will have to pay for expenses. Time with the kids will also be a crapshoot as they are old enough. At this point you are looking at minimum sports activities and then school expenses.

    You need to stop worrying about enforcement and simply work towards strong language in the order on what is an eligible expense and how you pay for it. She offered a parenting coordinator because it won’t work. You are wasting your time trying to find clauses. The only things you need in your order are what will be an eligible section 7 expense, what will be eligible post secondary expenses, what kids portion of the expense will be and what the break down between the two of you will be.

    Stop spinning your wheels. Focus on all the things she has done to leave you out of the decision making on the expenses she is claiming, how she is marginalizing your relationship with your kids and how this will be going forward as the kids age out of the family law process.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by rockscan View Post
      I didnt suggest a motion for contempt. I said to look into whether or not you can add language that allows you to file for contempt without having to deal with the mountain that is filing for contempt.

      Contempt is one of the hardest things to win. There are very few successful motions for contempt.

      You hadn’t mentioned how old your kids are. Now that you state they are teens, sole custody or joint decision making is going to be difficult. The kids get to decide. You don’t have to pay for activities she unilaterally enrolls in but you will have to pay for expenses. Time with the kids will also be a crapshoot as they are old enough. At this point you are looking at minimum sports activities and then school expenses.

      You need to stop worrying about enforcement and simply work towards strong language in the order on what is an eligible expense and how you pay for it. She offered a parenting coordinator because it won’t work. You are wasting your time trying to find clauses. The only things you need in your order are what will be an eligible section 7 expense, what will be eligible post secondary expenses, what kids portion of the expense will be and what the break down between the two of you will be.

      Stop spinning your wheels. Focus on all the things she has done to leave you out of the decision making on the expenses she is claiming, how she is marginalizing your relationship with your kids and how this will be going forward as the kids age out of the family law process.
      Good advice thanks!
      This process is 4 wheel drive wheel spinning,

      Anyone have draft wording "that allows you to file for contempt"? I'd like to see if I can get that appended to the agreement as and where applicable.

      I have a long list of specific incidents where the agreement was clearly breached, often with he lawyer chiming and not stopping it.

      My final statement at trial is it is virtually certain that if she were to be granted sole custody that she would fail to involve me.

      Comment


      • #4
        Keep step mom out of it. It should be you sending those emails...not her.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
          Keep step mom out of it. It should be you sending those emails...not her.
          Absolutely. That said step parents are marginalized. My wife has been subjected to malice with one child in particular being influenced very negatively by my ex. And my ex is a family therapist! She calls my wife derogatory names in front of the kids, tells them that my wife has no authority, is not their mother etec etc etc. And my wife has witnessed nasty garbage for 7 years and has been subjected to all manner of stress as a result.
          So ya, she has no standing, but she pays the price.
          The one email she sent was completely in he interests of the children, but I know she should never do that.
          The second I forwarded as she had made excellent points about the impact on the children of the shenanigans of my ex.
          We have made many efforts to come to accord to show the kids what adults can do to come together.
          Not a chance.

          Comment


          • #6
            I wish I had good advice, I only had one child and had many clear breaches of my order. Although I brought them up... absolutely nothing was done. Maybe I am just a complainer, but I'm of the opinion that the only thing that is ever enforced is child support / spousal support. The court isn't really interested in dealing with decision making. Keep in mind you are the father and "mom knows best". Best of luck, but I suspect that little will happen with these violations... but I will be curious if they are dealt with in the way we would hope the system should operate.

            In my case, non of the material was read by the judge which was plainly obvious, hard to make a decision when you don't know the facts and believe a great story based on fiction.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Gilligan View Post
              I wish I had good advice, I only had one child and had many clear breaches of my order. Although I brought them up... absolutely nothing was done. Maybe I am just a complainer, but I'm of the opinion that the only thing that is ever enforced is child support / spousal support. The court isn't really interested in dealing with decision making. Keep in mind you are the father and "mom knows best". Best of luck, but I suspect that little will happen with these violations... but I will be curious if they are dealt with in the way we would hope the system should operate.

              In my case, non of the material was read by the judge which was plainly obvious, hard to make a decision when you don't know the facts and believe a great story based on fiction.
              The justices seem to have very little time to review submissions, that besg the question why bother crafting with care?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Abba435 View Post
                She calls my wife derogatory names in front of the kids, tells them that my wife has no authority, is not their mother etec etc etc. And my wife has witnessed nasty garbage for 7 years and has been subjected to all manner of stress as a result.

                Just in case it is not obvious, the court will not care at all about the hurt feelings of an adult stepmother.

                The one email she sent was completely in he interests of the children, but I know she should never do that.
                The second I forwarded as she had made excellent points about the impact on the children of the shenanigans of my ex.
                Your wife should never be writing to your ex. It is completely inappropriate.


                Also, do you think anybody would care about the opinion of the new spouse of an ex? Seriously? I cannot imagine a less effective form of communication.



                We have made many efforts to come to accord to show the kids what adults can do to come together.
                Not a chance.
                Yes, you and your wife need to grow up.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thanks for your comments. I will ask you to not comment on this or any other thread. Your input is not constructive or helpful. Thank you

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Janus is actually right. Your wife should not be involved at all from a front end perspective. She can support you, talk to you, work with you but should have zero communication with your ex.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                      Janus is actually right. Your wife should not be involved at all from a front end perspective. She can support you, talk to you, work with you but should have zero communication with your ex.
                      My wife does not have regular contact with my ex.
                      She sent her 2 harmless messages over 8 years. Last one was 2 years ago. First was 6 years ago. All innocuous.
                      Is that grounds for suing for sole custody because that is their claim (although they are back pedalling fast - can't wait to hear what the final conference judge has to say)
                      I know that there is no pleading for someone being a nasty person.
                      Just pointed this out for context.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Abba435 View Post
                        Thanks for your comments. I will ask you to not comment on this or any other thread. Your input is not constructive or helpful. Thank you
                        Which part bothered you?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Janus View Post
                          Which part bothered you?
                          I don't tell people to "grow up", most especially when I know very little about them.
                          You seem intelligent and well read, but that does not give you license to be rude.
                          Not helpful, not supportive, not welcome thank you.

                          Comment

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