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What happen's after an OCL report is disputed?

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  • #16
    Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
    Based on what was said, I think most evidence supports ex's position:

    - always loved, cared for, been present and have great relationship with child
    loved? yes. Cared for? no. I have evidence that I'm confident that will show mom has been primary and pretty much only caretaker. I don't feel like going into all of it- but an example would be a list of all the medical appointments child attended before separation. Dad went to two (out of something like 27)- never met her pediatrician, etc etc. Her pediatrician does not like dad. When he went a couple of months ago- he almost shouted down the pediatrician- asked 500 redundant questions, and finally pediatrician basically said "If you had been attending her appointments regularly- you would know the answers to your questions- ask for her file". My ex is an idiot that just needs to be given enough rope to hang himself.

    - said something horrible 2 years ago and have taken ownership of it
    nope. History of domestic violence- documented. OCL believes it. Co-parent therapist believes it. Most importantly- ex admits it.
    [quote]- brought application and fought for child right away, nonstop
    - completed anger management, PAS, therapy, co-parenting counseling, cas, ocl, etc
    - cas open and closed the file with me seeing child twice weekly
    wrong. OCL referred the file to different local CAS; they called me and told me they're keeping it open but not investigating right now. Based on Toronto CAS report and referral from OCL, they want to know how custody and access plays out. I told them there has been nothing new and both parties are working with co-parent therapist and visits are supervised for the near future. Key take away- OCL thinks it's important enough to refer to local CAS.

    - supervised center had no concerns
    - supervision continued with family with no issues, time increased
    You don't read very well, do you? Never used an access centre. Used private company.

    - supervision is supposed to be short term, but mom won't agree
    that's a subjective and arguable point. both parties agreed to supervision until neutral third party (OCL) or respondent dad's therapist (private) said he's not a danger to kid. No one is ready to say that. To repeat- because I think you're being purposely obtuse on this point- he has not been able to convince anyone that he's safe enough to be around his child unsupervised. He had the power to do this- no licensed professional (social worker or registered psychologist) will sign off on this. Will they in the future? Probably. Is mom driving the bus on this? No. I'm just asking someone take a look at him and say "he's good. don't worry".

    IMO, it would be gradual but there is no reason ex shouldn't have joint 50/50. The only way he'll get less is if he agrees to it.
    IMO- you're wrong.

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    • #17
      Update

      So in co-parent counselling yesterday- Ex said he is not disputing the recommendations of the OCL- he's disputing how he's characterized and is basically saying she was biased against him, and the report prejudice's him. To be fair- the report doesn't have him coming off sounding very good- and I should be cognizant of that fact- it DOES read like she thinks he's an idiot.

      I don't get why they would say the report is biased, but not dispute the recommendations?

      But more importantly- his lawyer sent my lawyer a letter that says 'don't get your knickers in a bunch about the dispute- we're just doing that to preserve ex's rights. Applicant dad really wants to work with mom- to that end, he's ready to give her sole custody".


      I don't trust his lawyer one bit. I don't trust that he's willing to compromise on custody. I'm going to instruct my lawyer to tell them to put it in writing in a counter offer.
      Last edited by iona6656; 04-17-2019, 11:12 AM.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
        So in co-parent counselling yesterday- Ex said he is not disputing the recommendations of the OCL- he's disputing how he's characterized and is basically saying she was biased against him, and the report prejudice's him. To be fair- the report doesn't have him coming off sounding very good- and I should be cognizant of that fact- it DOES read like she thinks he's an idiot.

        I don't get why they would say the report is biased, but not dispute the recommendations?

        But more importantly- his lawyer sent my lawyer a letter that says 'don't get your knickers in a bunch about the dispute- we're just doing that to preserve ex's rights. Applicant dad really wants to work with mom- to that end, he's ready to give her sole custody".


        I don't trust his lawyer one bit. I don't trust that he's willing to compromise on custody. I'm going to instruct my lawyer to tell them to put it in writing in a counter offer.


        That’s great!!


        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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        • #19
          Originally posted by gettingexpensive View Post

          I want the kids to see their mom, when she's in good shape but am not ready for 50-50. I need to retain some control. I feel an uphill battle as well...
          I feel like there has to be some kind of compromise to this- that it doesn't have to be all or nothing when it comes to custody.

          Common sense would tell you- if 50/50 is not possible now- with your ex's challenges...could it be later? How do you structure a parenting plan or agreement to allow for some re-evaluation in the future? There IS a way- Family Court just isnt' the way to do it, in my opinion.

          It IS an uphill battle- because the starting presumption is that it is in the best interest of the children to have equal time with both parents. And that is a laudable position. But there has to be an equally weighted position where one parent poses a danger (physical or mental harm) to the children. That danger should be objectively assessed by a neutral third party- not the other parent. But all this costs $$$, and time, and an emotional toll on all parties involved. Someone on here once said "there are no winners in family law- just varying levels of loss and dissatisfaction". It's grim, but true.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by gettingexpensive View Post
            I need to retain some control. I feel an uphill battle as well...

            Here’s the rub: control = battle.

            You can start with supervised access, parenting courses, medical evaluation. That will help to determine if her problem is being your wife or being their mom. If she hates you and has trouble with you that does not automatically mean she is a challenge with them. My parents hated each other therefore they were difficult to EACH OTHER. Their hatred of each other made them bad parents. Take one out (and treat my mothers mental illness) and there were no problems.

            Your thinking needs to be “I want to do what is best for the kids” not “I want control over all decisions”. She is their mother. What happened as your wife is different.

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            • #21
              "What happen's after an OCL report is disputed?"

              You put money in a pile. Pour gasoline on it and light it on fire.

              Comment


              • #22
                What happen's after an OCL report is disputed?

                Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                "What happen's after an OCL report is disputed?"



                You put money in a pile. Pour gasoline on it and light it on fire.





                Correct.

                First read the steaming pile of garbage that IS the Notice of Dispute first- then light it on fire.


                I cannot believe my idiot of an ex actually decided to dispute the report based on what they wrote in the Notice. He basically calls her biased, BUT partially admits that the reasoning she based her recommendations on were true. The investigator said he missed an opportunity to discuss his threat against his daughter and wife- and he said in the notice that that’s not true. He did discuss his actions that night- but acknowledges that he didn’t discuss the threats made against D2 and me. He instead chose to focus on moving forward and ways to de escalate the situation he finds himself in with me. So basically he admits the very thing the OCL based their recommendations on. He spends almost an entire page writing about how her description of our parents home are so vastly different (she called my parents home “well appointed”, that’s it). And my sister was SO mean to him in her interview.

                Edit- actually let me keep venting, cause I’ve been keeping this in since Thursday. He goes on and on about the home visit and how the investigator incorrectly assumed his mother didn’t appear to speak English, as she sat in the other room and didn’t interact with D2 and him during the visit- how she’s been in Canada for 40 years and worked for decades and speaks English fluently. No she does not. She can barely speak English. But more importantly it has no bearing on the report. He said if the OCL had bothered to speak to his mom or sister during the visit they would’ve learned that they purposely stepped back so that he could show what a great dad he is. How he’s got everything handled. Contrast with my home visit- the report says D2 spends time running from room to room visiting with her grandparents and then comes back to mom for dinner. You know why I planned the visit when I did? And let D2 show how connected she is to my parents- because my good lawyer told me to. He told me to actually be natural and invite her during a meal time to show how well she eats with me. How is it the OCLs fault that my ex got shitty prep on the home visit???! And for that- it costs us extra time and money.


                Not to mention the litany of lies peppered throughout the notice. How the report doesn’t mention all the terrible things I did to escalate the situation - like calling his mother to “stress her out” hoping that she’d die. Yep, he wrote that. None of it is true. Actually easily proven in court. Had his stupid lies been included, he claims, “it would have provided a more nuanced description of the nature of the conflict that characterized his marriage to me”.

                Why the fuck would his lawyer include all those idiotic, non-consequential, descriptors? Muddy the waters? Red herring? Ultimately the report never actually says “I believe respondent wife on the allegations of abuse”- the investigator was very careful to always say “respondent wife reports that applicant husband did this”.

                But. Whatever. His money to burn. Of course it will cost me at least $1k to have my lawyer look over that pile of dog doo doo. But that’s fine- I just claimed D2 on my return. And I’m filing a small claims court action against him for the assault and threats. Time to double and triple down.
                Last edited by iona6656; 04-21-2019, 03:56 PM.

                Comment


                • #23
                  His lawyer probably told him all this but his attitude is he is right and they should have everything he says in there.

                  Comment

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