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  • Agreements Falling apart

    STBX and myself were trying to be amicable. We don't argue over kids but his thing seems to be about money. For personal reasons I agreed to take less than what I would be legally entitled to through equalization. We are talking well over 100K. We had it all written up to take to lawyers and then we could be on our way. For whatever reason the ex is now taking the stance that this is all unfair to him and he has paid more over the years than I have and it isn't equal etc. I have tried to explain and he has already had a lawyer consult that now matter what we were married and even if he paid for the entire house and contents (which he hasn't) it is still included as my property too. He is now being a bully and threatening to get me for alimony and says he can't pay me anything as agree upon despite keeping an expensive house, boat, seadoo, 75k car and cottage. Its almost laughable his requests. Now I will have to pay a lawyer thousands to sort this matter out. I am just wondering what a judge in family court would typically think of this? We agreed to a settlement and now the wind blows the other way and his mood says this is all unfair. What is fair and what is legal are way different. He is wasting the courts time with this and my money on a lawyer. Could I ask for court costs for this nonsense?

  • #2
    My partners ex did the same thing. Walked out of mediation and refused any negotiation. He finally had to file an application where she proceeded to tell the judge they were wrong because she was the only one who worked and contributed. Judge told her if she didnt accept what my partner was agreeable to then they would award more plus costs.

    Go see a lawyer and file an application. If you have a “sort of” agreement ready to go then its a simple application to have a judge decide. Or you can self rep using the guides online if you feel confident enough.

    Not sure if you could get costs but it may be allowed. Others should be able to chime in.

    Stop worrying about what he has and what he says. All bluster no bite.

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    • #3
      I'm pretty sure that any assets between the day you married and the day you separated are split 50-50 no matter who paid for them. I don't know of any wiggle room. As such, I would think that a judge would laugh at, mock, or scold your ex at any sort of case conference or settlement conference.

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      • #4
        You can ask for court costs and the way this would be handled is pretty cut & dry. Something you might want to mention to your ex.

        The only way for him to negotiate a better deal is for him to go the mediation route and make an agreement with you. If the court does it, its basically a formula and he can argue until he's blue, it won't matter. And I would "threaten" him with that because he's going to run up court costs for both of you. You might get some costs back but the reality is that is he goes this way, its going to cost you money...perhaps significant money...so if he does it, do not hesitate, go for whatever you're entitled to under the equalization laws. If he doesn't have the available money, he'll have to sell assets because it will accrue interest after a certain date.

        I'd warn him....and tell him what the consequences will be if he goes that route...and then you just have to take action based on his decision. His coming after you for SS may or may not be valid....if he's earning a fair amount of income and can support himself and hasn't had his career damaged by child rearing, he may not have an argument...its hard to say. Equalization, however, is not subjective...its just a formula based on marriage date, separation date, assets and debt. His trying to make an argument about what he did in the house, etc...just won't be listened to.

        One tip, rough fill out a financial statement...maybe try to fill one out for him too. You'll list all assets, all debt and effective dates...and calculate what the equalization would be. Once he actually sees it on paper, even in estimate, it might look pretty bleak for him to continue down the lawyer route....because on top of that, he'll have legal fees.

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        • #5
          It could be that he doesn not realize that if he takes it to the courts you are likely going to ask for what you are actually entitled to. If you are actually taking 100000 less than what you are entitled to and you spend half of it on a trial, you arent loosing any money. Probably it wouldnt go to a trial once you begin negotiating. As others have said equalization is pretty much 50/50 with no wriggle room. Spousal support is a grey area and you might want to talk to a lawyer and get some advice on whether you would be expected to pay it, before you make any decisions or assumptions about that.

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          • #6
            IF the two of you have an agreement (with independent legal advice as you previously stated) judges take note of these agreements.

            I would wait until he hires a lawyer, actually files a Notice of Motion and outlines his basis for claiming SS from you. The onus is on him to prove his entitlement.

            Sometimes its good to take a step back and not react/reply to one's ex's emails. Always remember that what you put in writing can, and like will, be used against you some day.... much cheaper to hire a lawyer if you lack in ability to block out your ex's attempts to draw you into an argument.

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