Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 01-27-2012, 01:54 PM
Harold Callahan Harold Callahan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 59
Harold Callahan is on a distinguished road
Default Best path for changing status quo?

I don't mind doing the work on this but I think I may need a lawyer for this since it seems tricky. I have touched upon this perviously but wanted to present my problem more specifically..I'm sure this is common for Dad's who start EOW and then would like to have 50/50

I am a Dad who has had EOW arrangement with Ex. Could not help that. Son is now 11. I have moved 2 blocks away from my son's school. I beleive my son needs to have a dad in his life more than just EOW - epecially at this age moving forward. e.g. he has some peach fuzz developing and his mother bought him an electric shaver for xmas. Luckily I explained to my son why it's not time to use that and he understood! Funny I know, but illustrates the problem. 11 yr olds need a male figure in there life to help them as they grow from a male perspective. No offence to single moms this is just my case and my belief. I respect the job that single mom's do. but that is part of my reasoning for wanting to change the present situation.

We do not have a custody order in place or a valid separation agreement any longer and any change I impose is a change in the "current arrangement" as it has become the status quo now. Some have advised to change the current arrangment while I can which makes sense but her lawyer has stated that any unilateral decision I make will force his hand and bring the current status quo arrangment to court and have it turned into an order.

Yes I can try to work out a new arrangment but it's become clear to me that anything providing my son with more access to me will not be agreed to, even him walking over after school every day, so I have to decide my best course of action.

If I create a situation where I end up in court could I not then argue for more access or should I be the one going to court seeking more access.. etc.

Ultimately I would like 50/50. What's the best approach? Aside from the obvious answer of getting a good lawyer..

thanks

H
  #2  
Old 01-27-2012, 02:00 PM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,406
blinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the rough
Default

Single mom here, offence taken. Undercutting Mom and her efforts is NOT the way to do it. You left Mom on her own to handle raising the boy and she has. NOW you decide he needs a male figure in his life and it's convenient for you to be around more and you make your first move to undermine Mom?

Your son needed you in his life more than EOW weekend from the start. WTH was your effort then???

You sir, are an ass.
  #3  
Old 01-27-2012, 02:20 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,937
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

When did you move to the your current residence and how far did you live prior?

Your move may constitute a material change in circumstances. If you are in your kids school district, even better.

But yeah, the material change in circumstance is about the only place you can hang your hat. Try to work with your ex in the best interests of your child. Try to mediate if you can. I don't see her being very receptive, but you have limited choices.
  #4  
Old 01-27-2012, 02:42 PM
Harold Callahan Harold Callahan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 59
Harold Callahan is on a distinguished road
Default

I knew i might offend with my comment - again very sorry. I was left in such dissarray when my wife moved out, and 80km away, I was in no position to do anything else. I tried but couldn't afford it and lost the house in the process.

I moved recently (Dec 2011)

regardless of what myself or my wife might want, would the court not agree that spending more time with his dad is in the best interest of the child?

Would the court agree to a family assesment? I can't see why they wouldn't support more time.. here I am..?

H
  #5  
Old 01-27-2012, 02:56 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,937
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Harold Callahan View Post
spending more time with both his parents is in the best interest of the child?
Fixed your post...

Think gender neutral and child centric. The last thing you want is to go into court saying that the boy needs a father figure to teach him man stuff, only to end up with a single mom of boys as a judge.......

Gender is irrelevent. What is in the best interests of the kid is to have a solid relationship with both parents and to have two parents that are trying to facilitate said relationship.
  #6  
Old 01-27-2012, 02:57 PM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,406
blinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the rough
Default

I don't disagree that EOW isn't enough, however you'll need more of a case then 'he's hitting puberty so now's a good time to have dad around'. And you'd best re-think your approach of undermining mom simply because she's female and couldn't possibly relate to a male child.
  #7  
Old 01-27-2012, 03:15 PM
Harold Callahan Harold Callahan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 59
Harold Callahan is on a distinguished road
Default

I thank you both and agree I may be presenting it wrong, I do beleive strongly that he needs to have more access to his Dad. He may not have had it for the last 3-4yrs but having a good healthy relationship with both parents moving forward is better than not having that in terms of positive development.

The gender related comments are a reference to what is becomming noticable now as opposed to 3 yrs ago. It's not trying to undermine anyone just pinpoint one reason why having two parents to model from are important growing up.. (now I'll hear from same sex marriages lol)

I think its valid..? but no it's not my main issue and thanks for reminding of that.

Now - however short sighted my comment may have been, my son's future is still in the balance. I'd like to make it the most fullfilled future with memories of a father (not just a mother) who loves him.. I know what not having a father around is like. It's a big hole in someones' life. There is no need for that here if I can help it.

What do you think of getting the court specialists involved and let then make thier recommendations? (in terms of access arrangments etc)

thx

H
  #8  
Old 01-27-2012, 03:23 PM
FightingForFamily FightingForFamily is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 994
FightingForFamily will become famous soon enough
Default

Offer mediation, cite the change of material circumstances (your moving) as cause for the change, and declare your goal of 50/50 right from the start and don't accept anything that doesn't end in it if that's what you want. However be flexible and prepared that it happen gradually.

Your son is nearly old enough that his opinion should be considered but it's not ultimately his choice until he's 12-14+.

Don't go to court. Just don't. Nag her about mediation every month for a year until she attends. If she won't attend by then, you at least have a chance of costs awarded for trying to negotiate.

But overall it's very hard or nearly impossible to break status quo.
  #9  
Old 01-27-2012, 03:31 PM
Harold Callahan Harold Callahan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 59
Harold Callahan is on a distinguished road
Default

Thank you FightingForFamily, what is the main reason to avoid court? Costs? Waste of time..?

Both me and my ex understand the need to avoid unnessesary costs..

This forum has now given me a frame of reference at least to start from which is - the change in my situation.. that is a good place to start..

H
  #10  
Old 01-27-2012, 03:56 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,937
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by slughead10 View Post
as a single father of 4 kids 2 boys and 2 girls i would say gender is relevant and puberty is a case in point and if you think otherwise than you are the ass......
While it may be relevent, it isn't winning strategy or a material change in circumstances.

My point is not to make it part of the argument. Judges don't care and in today's politically correct world, it will not look good one that does try to make it an issue.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Stbx paying for speech path that could be free formyGirls Financial Issues 1 02-10-2011 12:23 AM
Shared parenting, Status quo, Imputing income, Court costs & Protection form ex lies Underdog Divorce & Family Law 7 04-03-2010 07:39 AM
Status Quo Trumps Family Law - We Give Up #1StepMom Divorce & Family Law 6 01-16-2010 02:43 PM
An interesting Judical View of Status Quo logicalvelocity Divorce & Family Law 2 04-05-2007 06:39 PM
Status Quo serrona Divorce & Family Law 3 11-16-2006 09:18 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:42 AM.