Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Communication problems

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Originally posted by Janus View Post
    I think it is telling that you describe the situation in terms of your entitlements.



    In what world is "not texting" equivalent to "forgetting about her mother"? Save the hyperbole for your sympathetic mommy groups, it doesn't work on me.



    I am shaking my head, mostly at the fact that the forum didn't come down hard on a mother who insists on helicoptering her kid during the father's restricted time with the child.



    To be clear, I think the father is wrong. He should let your kids text you. However, that is his decision to make, not yours. The father gets to decide how his kids spend their time during his parenting time. That is the quintessential parenting duty after all...


    So by this logic, I should be able to deny my kids the chance to talk to their dad too. Even though he has less than 40% parenting time. My time, my prerogative right Janus? But you know what that would make me? That would make me a dick. And I’m not. Therefore I do allow the kids to text him when they’d like. They FaceTime him just about every morning and text at night.
    They ask their dad when they are at his house if they can communicate with me and he lays the guilt trip or tells them no. My kids have both come to me to complain about this as it bothers them. Is that looking out for their best interests? It’s looking out for dad’s best interests for sure....
    So by your incredibly flawed logic, the next time a dad comes on here complaining about his ex wife not allowing communication between him and the kids you’re going to post your unwavering support for her freedom to do what she wishes on her parenting time then? He should just stop helicoptering because who cares what the kids want. Right?
    But then you’d need to revoke your membership in the angry dad’s club.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

    Comment


    • #17
      Shame on your ex and the g/f for using the kids to 'punish' you .
      This said, there is little the court or you can do about this.
      I know how upsetting this must be (I would be very upset too). However, try to take it easy, relax, and as long as the kids are safe, enjoy your free time and the satisfying thought that you are no longer sharing your life with this freak.

      Also...enjoy the thought of how this is going to play out when the kids grow up and the father tries to keep teenagers away from the wifi and cell phones!

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
        So by this logic, I should be able to deny my kids the chance to talk to their dad too. Even though he has less than 40% parenting time. My time, my prerogative right Janus? But you know what that would make me? That would make me a dick. And I’m not. Therefore I do allow the kids to text him when they’d like. They FaceTime him just about every morning and text at night.
        They ask their dad when they are at his house if they can communicate with me and he lays the guilt trip or tells them no. My kids have both come to me to complain about this as it bothers them. Is that looking out for their best interests? It’s looking out for dad’s best interests for sure....
        So by your incredibly flawed logic, the next time a dad comes on here complaining about his ex wife not allowing communication between him and the kids you’re going to post your unwavering support for her freedom to do what she wishes on her parenting time then? He should just stop helicoptering because who cares what the kids want.

        Yep. He's a dick, and you aren't. He limits device usage and communication, and you don't. The kids will learn that people are different, households are different, and lessons taught by parents are different. His controlling their communication may backfire on him someday, or maybe the kids will learn restraint in their online communication. Who knows.


        Meanwhile, you send messages when you want, and they'll see them later.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by ele110 View Post
          Shame on your ex and the g/f for using the kids to 'punish' you .

          This said, there is little the court or you can do about this.

          I know how upsetting this must be (I would be very upset too). However, try to take it easy, relax, and as long as the kids are safe, enjoy your free time and the satisfying thought that you are no longer sharing your life with this freak.



          Also...enjoy the thought of how this is going to play out when the kids grow up and the father tries to keep teenagers away from the wifi and cell phones!


          I’m trying not to make a big deal about it. I don’t make them feel stressed about not texting me because I don’t want them to feel like they’re disappointing me by not being able to do so. I just tell them it’s ok. But they aren’t stupid. They know that it’s not ok for one parent to control this. As satisfying as it would be for the whole karma thing to come around and bite him, it’s my kids who lose because a)they are denied what they are asking for and b) they’re on their way to realizing dad’s a jerk. That’s a sad realization.


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

          Comment


          • #20
            My partners ex would text and call constantly while they were with him. To the point where he wanted to institute a no cell phone rule at the table. The dinner table! He was so frustrated and upset by the constant need to communicate with the kids when he only got 48 hours every other month or even every four to six months. Yet she played the game of “theyre busy” or “their phones/computer are broken” etc. Its really unfortunate how some divorced parents can be such jerks about communication. It will come back to bite him in the end. Count on that.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
              So by this logic, I should be able to deny my kids the chance to talk to their dad too. Even though he has less than 40% parenting time.

              Of course you can, it is your parenting time. However, as I said...


              Originally posted by Janus
              To be clear, I think the father is wrong. He should let your kids text you.

              Back to you...


              Originally posted by Thin-skinned Ange
              My time, my prerogative right Janus? But you know what that would make me? That would make me a dick. And I’m not. Therefore I do allow the kids to text him when they’d like. They FaceTime him just about every morning and text at night.

              I'm glad that you do. I'm not sure what that has to do with the situation at all. I don't let my kids eat much sugar, my ex does. I disagree, but it is not my choice. She gets to parent as she sees fit on her time. You let your kids text, that's great. The father doesn't, that sucks... but that is his call.


              Originally posted by Ange
              So by your incredibly flawed logic

              My logic is rarely flawed. At best you can attack my axioms.


              Originally posted by Ange
              the next time a dad comes on here complaining about his ex wife not allowing communication between him and the kids you’re going to post your unwavering support for her freedom to do what she wishes on her parenting time then?

              I will say pretty much the same thing. If the father wants to contact the kids more, he should get more parenting time. The mother can do what she wants during her parenting time, since that is what parenting is about.


              Originally posted by Ange
              He should just stop helicoptering because who cares what the kids want. Right?

              I have over a thousand posts on this forum. Not once have I ever advocated for a parent contacting their kids during the other parent's parenting time. I think helicoptering is very damaging to children, and especially so in a divorce situation.

              Originally posted by Ange
              But then you’d need to revoke your membership in the angry dad’s club.

              You must be confusing me with some other posters. If it makes you feel better to assign a label to me, no matter how inaccurate, then go ahead, but that doesn't make me wrong.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally Posted by Ange
                But then you’d need to revoke your membership in the angry dad’s club.

                You must be confusing me with some other posters. If it makes you feel better to assign a label to me, no matter how inaccurate, then go ahead, but that doesn't make me wrong.
                Janus is quite far from being in the "angry dad's club". Janus is a member of the "well informed parent's club".

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                  Janus is quite far from being in the "angry dad's club". Janus is a member of the "well informed parent's club".


                  Super. It doesn’t make his opinion right.


                  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Janus View Post
                    Of course you can, it is your parenting time. However, as I said...





                    Back to you...





                    I'm glad that you do. I'm not sure what that has to do with the situation at all. I don't let my kids eat much sugar, my ex does. I disagree, but it is not my choice. She gets to parent as she sees fit on her time. You let your kids text, that's great. The father doesn't, that sucks... but that is his call.





                    My logic is rarely flawed. At best you can attack my axioms.





                    I will say pretty much the same thing. If the father wants to contact the kids more, he should get more parenting time. The mother can do what she wants during her parenting time, since that is what parenting is about.





                    I have over a thousand posts on this forum. Not once have I ever advocated for a parent contacting their kids during the other parent's parenting time. I think helicoptering is very damaging to children, and especially so in a divorce situation.




                    You must be confusing me with some other posters. If it makes you feel better to assign a label to me, no matter how inaccurate, then go ahead, but that doesn't make me wrong.

                    hel·i·cop·ter par·ent

                    a parent who takes an overprotective or excessive interest in the life of their child or children. (Source: urban dictionary)

                    On the topic of labels, you’ve gone ahead and assigned one to me as well. Which I would also deem “inaccurate” as a characterization of me. Remember how I originally posted my question and then came back to add that I don’t think daily communication is necessary? I’m not excessive or controlling. My kids want to touch base when they’re away from me, just as they do when they’re away from their dad. It isn’t excessive or helicopter-ish at all to expect a few messages during the time they’re away from either parent. Especially if the kids are indicating that they want to do so. I think it’s in their best interests in fact.
                    I think the reason the forum isn’t attacking this one is because it’s generally reasonable with most that this should and would occur between both households on their non-access times.
                    I’m probably not as “well informed” as you Janus. I don’t have 1000+ posts I’m sure, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong about that.



                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      I think people aren’t engaging because theres nothing that can be done. Your ex has proven himself to be a jerk when he feels slighted and its no different than some of the other difficult ex’s posters here have. You’re just going to have to take a deep breath, remember why you are divorced and know that one day his actions will screw him. As far as the kids are concerned, just let them know that its ok if they don’t speak to you while with dad because you are sure they are having a great time. If they keep asking him then he will know its bothering either you or them and he will just continue the jerk behaviour.

                      There’s also no sense in getting into circular arguments with others on here. You feel one way, janus disagrees. Lets all agree to disagree. [emoji108]

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                        I think people aren’t engaging because theres nothing that can be done. Your ex has proven himself to be a jerk when he feels slighted and its no different than some of the other difficult ex’s posters here have. You’re just going to have to take a deep breath, remember why you are divorced and know that one day his actions will screw him. As far as the kids are concerned, just let them know that its ok if they don’t speak to you while with dad because you are sure they are having a great time. If they keep asking him then he will know its bothering either you or them and he will just continue the jerk behaviour.

                        There’s also no sense in getting into circular arguments with others on here. You feel one way, janus disagrees. Lets all agree to disagree. [emoji108]


                        Yup. Good point.
                        It’s infuriating that much of a separation agreement means nothing, but also not worth court. I’ve also tried the “stern lawyer letter” before; however, this just costs me and it doesn’t mean he’ll change.
                        Sigh. And so it will continue.



                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Sorry your kids are going through this, Ange when the kids are older (sorry I forgot their ages) and they dont want to go to Dad's because of his controlling ways and hate towards you, I hope you don't go out of your way to accommodate him. He obviously has little respect for the Mother of his Children and doesn't deserve yours.

                          Alienating a parent is child abuse, and Dads are equally capable of doing this too. We just seem to hear more of the Mom doing it on this forum.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                            Alienating a parent is child abuse, and Dads are equally capable of doing this too. We just seem to hear more of the Mom doing it on this forum.

                            You cannot engage in effective alienation when you have less than 40% custody. There is no alienation happening here. Ange wants to have constant contact with her children. The father does not want it. He is not alienating the kids, he simply wants her to butt out.


                            If the father had them 80% of the time and was engaging in this behavior, I would be substantially more critical. However, that's not the case here.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Ange71727andJanus View Post
                              hel·i·cop·ter par·ent

                              a parent who takes an overprotective or excessive interest in the life of their child or children, such as insisting on contacting them when they are with their father for no reason other than her own gratification. (Source: urban dictionary)

                              Damn straight


                              I’m probably not as “well informed” as you Janus. I don’t have 1000+ posts I’m sure, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong about that.
                              I never claimed that, at best I said that I wasn't illogical. I can't control what others say

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Janus View Post
                                You cannot engage in effective alienation when you have less than 40% custody. There is no alienation happening here. Ange wants to have constant contact with her children. The father does not want it. He is not alienating the kids, he simply wants her to butt out.


                                If the father had them 80% of the time and was engaging in this behavior, I would be substantially more critical. However, that's not the case here.


                                Ridiculous. I never said I wanted constant contact. In fact, I made a point of adding that I don’t believe constant contact is necessary. Go back and read if you want to maintain credibility.


                                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X