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Hi! I am new to this forum and i have a question about transportation. I have a 2 year old and i left her abusive father a year ago and had to move 1 hour and 45 minutes away from him due to financial reasons, and i had a free place to live here ( i was a SAHM for the first year and a half, worked part time and couldn't afford to live in the city). Her father told me to get out numerous times and was very verbally abusive and manipulative toward me in front of her and i didnt want her to grow up seeing that. we made an agreement when i moved up here that he could see her 3-4 weekends a month and he would drive half the time and i would drive every other weekend. a year later, he hasnt come up here once because he says he cant afford it (he can) and i have been driving her down there 2-3 weekends a month. we dont have a separation agreement but i would like to go to court and have everything on paper as far as custody, access, child support, etc. I am going to ask for joint custody, drive our daughter 2 weekends a month and child support, half of activities and day care (she started 1 day a week and is getting full time when a spot comes available in the fall). is that reasonable? i currently work part time on weekends in the city and plan on getting full time work in my town when a day care spot comes avail (been waiting a year). my question is will i be made to pay anything towards his transportation costs? i resent the fact that i have been trying to make an effort for him to have a relationship with his daughter while he sits back and does nothing. it is very frustrating when he is putting no effort forward. i have an email from him when we first broke up saying he would drive half of the time too. any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you.
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Stop driving.
If he wants to see his daughter he can come and get her.
At the end of the weekend you go pick her up. -
thanks, i was thinking about doing this until he pulled his head out of his you-know-where and started to contribute to the driving. even though he is a jerk, he does want to be a part of our daughters life and i really want to encourage that. if we go to court i was wondering since i am driving her down 2-3 weekends a month and he refuses on all other weekends will me driving be the status quo and i will be expected to do this forever? or will the court see he is putting absolutely no effort in and tell him he has to contribute? i have a car (a gift from parents) and he would have to rent one ($30 a day if he books in advance).Comment
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It is his responsibility to pick up his daughter for his own parenting time with her. You are not obligated to take her to him. I don't believe any Judge would order you to do so. The fact that you have a car and he doesn't means diddly poop.
A Judge may allow a decrease in child support do to the costs incurred by the father to pick up the child, but I think that's about it.
I believe that a Judge will see that you tried to facilitate a relationship, but that it got to be too much for you.
The truth is best route.Comment
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thats what i am afraid of.. him getting to subtract the amount off of the child support which i cant afford. it is frustrating that i am putting all the effort forth and he is not helping. i wonder if there is a set amount that transportation can cost ie. a $30-$40 limit on renting a car or he can just go to town and show up in whatever he wants and subtract it off of the support. i know he will be a dick and rent a hummer or something just to spite me.Comment
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I don't think for a second that a Judge will order you to pay for a car for him. I'm just thinking that hey will give him a small allowance for gas costs since you moved and hr and a half away.
So ... stop putting all this effort in ... he's a big boy.Comment
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thank you so much for your advice. a small allowance i can handle but it is hard to know how these things will play out in court and it makes me nervous!Comment
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Of course it makes you nervous!
But do you really think he's going to initiate a court action? He doesn't seem to have enough money or umph to come get his own daughter ....
Don't give him anything - stop driving ... it's too much for you. Tell him to come and get her and you will pick her up .... and stop worrying about it, you are not his mother.Comment
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LOL u must know him. there is no way he will get off his butt to go to court. i just feel bad for moving so far away but i really had no choice. i hear all the time about guys who you couldnt pay to have something to do with their kids. he says he does and i don't want our daughter to grow up without her father in her life. i know, guilt, guilt, guilt! he does have money and spends $400-$500 a month (at least) partying and says hes broke. i will have to take him to court eventually because he refuses to pay anything for day care or our daughters activities.Comment
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at least you're willing to share in the driving. My ex makes me drive an hour to pick the boy up for access, and calls the police on me if I don't drive him back to her. Some ppl are morons.Comment
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did u move away or did she?Comment
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she did. during litigation. to hijack the case and get full custody. sorry - its a sore point.Comment
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jeez.. good for you for making the effort to see your kids. what did the judge say about it? they just let her move? she must have gotten an ear full from the judge for pulling that move.Comment
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he asked her why she moved and who she lived with when my motion was heard. Then he restored my access (she had terminated access at the same time), and that was it. brutal.Comment
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damn! your ex has some balls moving and terminating access for no reason. i can't believe a judge would allow that. i feel for you!Comment
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