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I'm leaving country - handover timing conflict

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  • I'm leaving country - handover timing conflict

    The situation:
    - I am non-custodial father with 40% access.
    - I am leaving the country tomorrow (Sunday) for 4 weeks to take care of my mother.
    - This weekend D9 is with me and my partner (of 8 years).
    - Our agreement indicates that if either of us is away overnight, then the other parent has first 'right' to care for the child, and there are timelines given for how much notice times to give, and how much time for other parent to respond (I have given more notice than necessary, she responded late, but no matter). We have agreed in this case that she will look after D9 while I am away.

    I have indicated that handover can be done between my partner and her anytime after they get back from the airport (any time after 6:30pm), or my partner can take D9 to school Monday morning. We live very close together so handover location is not an issue.

    There is no history of hostility between her and my partner, and they have occasional direct (uneventful, cordial) contact thru the school. My partner and D9 have a good relationship also.

    Custodial mother is asking for details of my flight, and is claiming that if I don't agree to handover BEFORE I leave for the airport that she will pursue termination of my access rights.

    And, she holds D9's passport, so no concern that I might be abducting D9. Though we 3 did fly last-moment this March Break without passports to ski out west (because there was no snow here). Over the years, we have both traveled out of country with D9 with no issues. Consent letters and passports duly requested and provided.

    Thoughts, recommendations?
    Last edited by dinkyface; 05-14-2016, 11:38 AM.

  • #2
    Is there any reason why you can't execute the handover prior to going to the airport?

    I don't think she'd have any luck cancelling your access, if anything she would look ridiculously petty.

    Comment


    • #3
      She REALLY REALLY REALLY wants the child from you before your flight for some reason! So much so that she is willing to bring out the biggest bluff she can possibly imagine.

      Her threat is completely empty though, as I can't imagine any judge would allow her to terminate liberal access over one non-standard exchange that you did your best to communicate about.

      I would just tell her that the child is keen to see the airport and say goodbye to you there, and you'd like that extra couple of hours with her before you are absent for a month. But since it sounds like having her daughter early is important to her, you are happy to accommodate with the 6:30 Sunday drop off instead of the Monday morning at school one.

      Sometimes it's useful to look at things from the perspective of what would happen if there was no other partner in the picture. Probably you'd be dropping the child off to your ex and taking a cab to the airport. So if your ex harbours ill feelings towards your partner being a second mom to your child, that could be what's driving this.

      Comment


      • #4
        For that type of threat I would do exactly the opposite and tell her to do her worst. Lay the smack down.... Being firm, post divorce has worked better than I could have imagined... Bullies always back down.

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        • #5
          Sure, we could do handover before I go to the airport. But I'd rather have D9 see me off at the airport. And I can't see any reason why not to.
          I don't know what the issue is - abduction fears, having D9 worked up by the airport good-bye, the idea of D9 in my partner's care for 1-2 hours, some misunderstanding of our agreement. I have asked and she won't say.

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          • #6
            She needs to grow up. Most likely the time with your spouse will be driving back from the airport. Keep to the plan and tell her that if she limits access that you will bring action and seek cost. End of story child will be available for pick up at x time.

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            • #7
              Your ex has to understand you are leaving for a month and seeing D9 till the last moment is not just for you but for D9 and that what matters, not about ex feelings about seeing your spouse for what 2 mins. Or the fact that D9 will be with her for what a couple of hours. Giving in to the threat will only continue to be used every time she wants to get her way.

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              • #8
                Uneventful handover via my partner, at time&place I proposed. Apparently she had made a nuisance of herself with the police, they warned her not to contact them again or be charged with mischief. Police were supportive once I described to them our court order and forwarded the email trail INCLUDING what I had sent.
                She's still claiming I'm in contempt.

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                • #9
                  Your ex tried to involve police over this incident????

                  Certifiable nut job. I'd be sure to keep the file #

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                  • #10
                    Way to lay the smack down

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                    • #11
                      Just another parent trying to get her way by hanging your parenting time over your head. If she cuts access over this she's in some trouble.

                      Your daughter can see you off on the plane. Anything else would be ridiculous. This is about your child's best interests .. and seeing you off is in her best interests.

                      Your ex needs to relax, you're following the order and honoring the right of first refusal clause. She's getting her when you leave. What's the issue?

                      Let her threaten that you won't see your child again for this .. and DOCUMENT it. What a nut.

                      This is an example of her "decision-making" abilities .. so in my humble opinion she shouldn't have custody.

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                      • #12
                        This has got to be one of the dumbest ex antics ever - Mom went to the police? Over a difference of one or two hours between doing the handover BEFORE your departure and doing it AFTER? That's beyond ridiculous. You are so not in contempt.

                        (And especially if you're going to care for a sick parent for a month - this is so not the time for Mom to be acting like a princess).

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                        • #13
                          Same issue is arising for my return, because it is a PD day.

                          This is an exact parallel to the routine situation where my partner picks up D9 from afterschool care and gets home 30 mins before I get home from work. If I were to argue it.

                          Nothing I can do about this one though, she's in the driver's seat this time.

                          Comment

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