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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 03-09-2016, 02:35 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Default Frustrated...

Again asking on behalf of my husband.

Separated from his ex for 6.5 years. Regular parenting schedule is EOW.

Their agreement states that in even numbered years he is to have March Break. For the past 6 years, the status quo has been that March Break is from the Friday the kids are done school, until the Sunday before school starts and then the regular schedule picks up. Which means, in odd years, he misses a weekend with the kids, but it has always worked out. So this is his year for March Break, which should include both weekends as in the past.

Their agreement also states that if Easter or Thanksgiving fall on his weekend and it is his ex's year for the Holiday, he is to get a make up weekend. This has also been the case for the past 6 years.

Well he emailed his ex last week stating he would like his make up weekend for Easter to be the first weekend in April. She responded and said he was NOT getting that weekend because he already gets an extra weekend with March Break. He emailed her back and stated he disagreed and that March Break has always been from the Friday to the Sunday. Her response is that "she has been generous in the past"

So obviously she isn't going to allow the make up weekend. This is so frustrating this happens to so many people, especially since this agreement has been in place for many years.

His question is, this summer's holiday weeks have already been picked by both of them. Her last request for vacation is Aug 19-26, and he would pick the kids up August 26 for his regular weekend with them. Would it be unreasonable for him to inform her when he picks them up on August 26th that he is keeping them a couple extra days due to his missed Easter weekend with them? If he informs her before hand, she will withhold the children, as she has done in the past.

Something similar happened about 4 years ago, except it was about the actually Easter weekend. She stated he could only have the kids if he met her Sunday morning, rather than Monday afternoon. He refused and she didn't show up for the Thursday drop off. He ended up getting them Friday morning, only because he stated he agreed to her request. Then once he had them, emailed her and told her that no he didn't agree and would be meeting Monday afternoon, as per their written agreement and he did not consent to her attempting to hold his parenting time above his head because he doesn't agree with her requests. She ended up calling the police, which in turned called him, but the officer told him there was nothing they could do and if they had a written agreement to follow it.

He doesn't like doing this, but how else can he get his make up time?
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Old 03-10-2016, 10:46 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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If you don't mind massive escalation:

Pick up kid from school Friday April 1st at noon. Send email to that effect once the kid has been retrieved, indicating that you are taking that weekend as per your interpretation of the separation agreement

I think your summer idea is reasonable too. If one party is willing to ignore the agreement, you can do likewise. I agree with not providing any warning.

This is why my agreement has a specific procedure for makeup time, with lots of defaults in place. Anything that involves "discussion" has no place in a separation agreement. Every situation needs a default, especially custody time. I know, barring mutual agreement, what my schedule is for the next 10 years. Any agreement that doesn't have that level of accuracy is a recipe for litigation and acrimony.
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Old 03-10-2016, 03:10 PM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
... Anything that involves "discussion" has no place in a separation agreement. Every situation needs a default, especially custody time. I know, barring mutual agreement, what my schedule is for the next 10 years. Any agreement that doesn't have that level of accuracy is a recipe for litigation and acrimony.
I couldn't have said this better myself. The devil is in the details and if your agreement/order isn't detailed it isn't worth the paper it is written on.

Excellent point.
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Old 03-10-2016, 05:13 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
If you don't mind massive escalation:

Pick up kid from school Friday April 1st at noon. Send email to that effect once the kid has been retrieved, indicating that you are taking that weekend as per your interpretation of the separation agreement

I think your summer idea is reasonable too. If one party is willing to ignore the agreement, you can do likewise. I agree with not providing any warning.

This is why my agreement has a specific procedure for makeup time, with lots of defaults in place. Anything that involves "discussion" has no place in a separation agreement. Every situation needs a default, especially custody time. I know, barring mutual agreement, what my schedule is for the next 10 years. Any agreement that doesn't have that level of accuracy is a recipe for litigation and acrimony.
I doubt he will do that. We don't need to involve the school. It is just so silly. She signed the same agreement he did, had just as much say as to what went into it. I think he will just do the summer thing. He is going to email once more stating he expects his make up weekend, if she refuses, he will make it up in the summer.

There are many parts of their agreement that are unenforceable or not clear enough. But without spending a ton on lawyer fees or court, nothings going to change.

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