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  • Yes there is a tone monitor on OFW for a price of course!

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    • Thinking about these e-mails, I feel like it might be wise to close them up with something like:

      We can revert to the court ordered schedule if you prefer that to trading the 4 hours on Christmas Day to gain New Year's Eve in my proposed access schedule. However, I thought that in exchange for you having the extended time around New Year's that it would be fair for me to have extended time around Christmas. This way, both of us can travel with D3 to our families' celebrations.

      I'm always going to be happy to be flexible with the schedule to suit both our needs, but how about we start figuring it out sooner, so it's not so stressful for us and we can plan ahead better and give D3 more time to adjust to the upcoming transitions.
      That leaves me looking friendly and reasonable. I wouldn't want the judge to see hers last. Thoughts?

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      • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
        Thinking about these e-mails, I feel like it might be wise to close them up with something like:



        That leaves me looking friendly and reasonable. I wouldn't want the judge to see hers last. Thoughts?

        IMO you're overdoing the "friendly and reasonable" part. It's verging into smarmy. You have the outcome - you're going to stick to the court-ordered schedule - so just leave it at that. You don't need to include justifications for why you suggested something and how much you want to work together: your ex won't believe it, and as for a judge, s/he will form his/her opinion based on your actions, not on your statements of how much you want to be a nice guy. You should be polite and solution-oriented, but use as few words as necessary. Remember that your correspondence should be businesslike above all. If you were ordering a refrigerator, would you include justifications for why you initially suggested one delivery day, and then decided on another, and then express your happiness and desire to work together with the appliance store? I know it sucks to compare arrangements for your child to arrangements for an object, but I think that's the tone you need to adopt.

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        • Couple things. You are saying way too much in the emails.

          No parent wants to give up all of Christmas Day, Easter, Birthdays. It doesn't matter if they are celebrating that holiday on another day. The official day is important. You know what that feels like. You haven't been able to celebrate a single holiday with D3 since Valentine's Day (except Hallowe'en?).

          Someone up-thread said you can't split the holidays for the rest of the kids life. Why not? I've done it since mine were very little. We still share the day, and our kids have their own kids now. LF32 is trying to keep his child in his location, so that makes it easy enough to manage.

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          • Agreed. Half days are doable. In this case I'd love to give both her and I the opportunity to enjoy our holidays with our families with uninterrupted travel. I'd give up my new years eve for her 4 hours x-mas days. She wants no part of that.

            I understand Christmas day is special. If it's one thing I've learned in these months it's that dates are just that .. dates. If had to celebrate her b-day a few days later, so be it. That's just the way it goes.

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            • I am taking everybody's advice and ignoring my ex's e-mails.

              Her main goal is to be instigative and continue to falsely reveal herself as victimized. I offered to give up my New Years Eve for her 4 hours at X-Mas.

              New years eve dinner had been planned for quite a while. She was not okay with that. So court-ordered it is. I haven't responded since her last e-mail.

              I however, am not looking forward to the 3 pick up/drop offs the next few days. She's NOT happy. Only witness I have today is D8. Also my recorder. Something tells me she's going to go off the deep end. More false accusations to come? Honestly, this girl scares me. I hope she's civil. Because I sure am.

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              • who is D8???

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                • Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                  who is D8???
                  GF's daughter. GF is working.

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                  • As I mentioned on another thread - 48 hours from now Christmas is over. 8 days from now it will be 2015.

                    Before you know it, you will have an onslaught of new accusations. Some people get squirely (sp?) around Christmas time. Police departments are usually kept on their toes because people over-indulge in egg nog and start bickering. Too often people are trying to keep up Christmas traditions that they "think" they had themselves as children. Unrealistic expectations are the driving force for many Christmastime confrontations IMO.

                    Simply try to enjoy time spent with your daughter and other family and close friends. You are smart to keep a recorder handy LF32. Your ex is a nut-job.

                    The snake put this whole scenario in play at the start. All you did was get an order to ensure you had access to your daughter (thank God for that!).

                    Yeah I wouldn't be responding to her in any way. She's merely trying to entrap you into saying something she can use in court.

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                    • Just because 1 person here can manage HALF DAY special occassions....I guess the entire planet can

                      This is the begining of the process for LF32 it's the time for stepping back and focusing on the ultimate objective.

                      Later when custody is finalized the parties can go forth and work on special occasions. (fight or get along)

                      You have to ignore the posters that want you to continue "debating" XMAS.
                      Last edited by MrToronto; 12-24-2014, 11:35 AM.

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                      • She wants me to engage here. I feel like its a good idea to let her have her digs plus the last word. (last e-mail)
                        Because we all know that any narcissistic, abusive, controlling ex husband would always have the last word and final digs. Not me. Not worth it. She's not dragging me in to it.

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                        • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                          She wants me to engage here. I feel like its a good idea to let her have her digs plus the last word. (last e-mail)
                          Because we all know that any narcissistic, abusive, controlling ex husband would always have the last word and final digs. Not me. Not worth it. She's not dragging me in to it.
                          good for you.

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                          • Sitting at meeting spot now. Pretty nervous considering her current temperament. Always afraid of the false accusations. Even with a recorder, an 8 year old (and of course my puppy) in the car. She scares the hell out of me.

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                            • Keep your resolve and do not engage. You are much bigger and better than her. Don't lower yourself. My mother always told me to be extra nice to those who dislike you - drives 'em nuts!

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                              • Hope your exchange went well. Enjoy Christmas with your little one... all the best!!

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