Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #11  
Old 11-12-2013, 02:48 PM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,857
dad2bandm is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Weary View Post
...
Sufficed to say, we have a parenting agreement and financial agreement in place that affords him 3 nights of the week with the chidlren and i have them 4 nights...
As others have stated, basically, he has the kids at least 40% of the time, with this arrangement, depending on how a judge wants to interpret this. Not digging into details, you have "shared custody". You mention, "not really". I suppose you would have information, that would show a judge "not really". I'm sure your ex also has info to show "really".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Weary View Post
...
For my part, i initially did not want to change custody/access but in light of all that i have come to understand this summer from my children i have changed that and would like him to have a more traditional "every second weekend" role...
"more traditional", meaning antiquated? What you deem as traditional, is hardly anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Weary View Post
...
It would provide the children with alot more stability. He has had the children for years in the present arrangement and his relationship wtih
Probably, even less likely, for you to push the "more traditional" access regime onto your ex, given you mention he's had more time than this, "for years" already.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Weary View Post
...
we had our case conference and i was warned by my lawyer prior to going in that the judge that we had was very "pro men" and that she was not a fan of women lawyers. She also said that she was very challenging and would likely "ream out" everyone. She did behave as my lawyer indicated. I am concerned about my lawyer in how she was in the courtroom and i am considering changing lawyers. I just really dont know if i should and i would like guidance...
Given what you have described in your original post, it does sound like everyone needs to be "reamed out". Especially, if both parents are dragging the kids into this, as much as they have, requiring the kids to have counselling, and the involvement of the OCL.

I'm not sure why a lawyer would warn you a judge is "pro men". What specifically did you not like about your lawyer, so far, that you want to change? These comments throw up red flags for me.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11-12-2013, 02:49 PM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,857
dad2bandm is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
Your spouse shouldn't be a go between for you and your ex. That isn't their job. They are there to support you. It is your job to communicate with your ex...
Strongly agree.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-12-2013, 03:05 PM
Weary Weary is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 18
Weary is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
I mean the allegations made must be something extremely concerning because your children are fairly close to being able to decide where they want to spend their time without court intervention. If the judge assigned OCL and they actually accepted your case to potentially change the access arrangement, it must be something that they feel can't wait until they're fully independent.
This was originally filed as an uncontested divorce..which he then contested. In his initial response, he requested the OCL and i agreed. That was the order of events. It was after that that CAS became involved. I thought it was common practise to involve the OCL. no?
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11-12-2013, 03:08 PM
Weary Weary is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 18
Weary is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
Describe/define "neglect"?

The children are 12 and 14, they should be able to provide for themselves for the most part. There should be food in the house which they can access when they are hungry.

Allowing the children to play video games (even if for extended periods of time) is not neglect. Heck, I have been know to sit on my xBox for hours upon end now....

So long as they have clothes to wear, there is food in the fridge and they have a place to sleep, if dad chooses not to spend time with them when he has them. He is allowed to parent (badly) as he sees fit. Being a parent who pays limited attention to the kids is a far cry from neglect. If the kids had no food to eat, no clean clothes and were left in their own filth, that is neglect.

Your ex should be paying offset c/s. Your spouse shouldn't be a go between for you and your ex. That isn't their job. They are there to support you. It is your job to communicate with your ex. I would never ask my wife to speak to my ex about a matter relating to our child.
Oh i forgot to address my partner communication with him. He refuses to communicate with me and called the police to file a "harassment" complaint against me. There was no justification for it but i complied in order to not aggrivate the situation more. Initially he was pleased to communicate with my partner but when he didnt give my ex the audience he wanted in terms of hearing how horrible i was, my ex has made the same allegations against him now. I agree it is inappropriate but i cannot communicate with him or he will call the police. I tried initially to have all communication go thru the lawyers and his lawyer refused communication from mine on transfering information about the chidlren (ie. medical updates, or school updates etc).
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 11-12-2013, 03:08 PM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,702
DowntroddenDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Weary View Post
This was originally filed as an uncontested divorce..which he then contested. In his initial response, he requested the OCL and i agreed. That was the order of events. It was after that that CAS became involved. I thought it was common practise to involve the OCL. no?
In non contested divorces, it isn't at all common, where there is a fight over custody, then more common, but still not mandatory.

If someone is alledging that the other parent is unfit, it would be pretty much mandatory.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 11-12-2013, 03:13 PM
Weary Weary is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 18
Weary is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dad2bandm View Post
As others have stated, basically, he has the kids at least 40% of the time, with this arrangement, depending on how a judge wants to interpret this. Not digging into details, you have "shared custody". You mention, "not really". I suppose you would have information, that would show a judge "not really". I'm sure your ex also has info to show "really".




"more traditional", meaning antiquated? What you deem as traditional, is hardly anymore.



Probably, even less likely, for you to push the "more traditional" access regime onto your ex, given you mention he's had more time than this, "for years" already.

Given what you have described in your original post, it does sound like everyone needs to be "reamed out". Especially, if both parents are dragging the kids into this, as much as they have, requiring the kids to have counselling, and the involvement of the OCL.

I'm not sure why a lawyer would warn you a judge is "pro men". What specifically did you not like about your lawyer, so far, that you want to change? These comments throw up red flags for me.
I know you think that he has evidence to support his claim but he really doesnt. Look, just please take what i am asking on face value because im not on trial here. IF what i am saying is the complete truth, just address that please. I would appreciate it on the basis of that. If im lying then it will come out in the courts and i will be dealt with. It doesnt benefit me to lie at the moment, i genuinely want to just understand what i can work with. I do have alot of emailing back and forth on scheduling and him asking me to watch the kids or address their needs on his time. I have 3 years worth. In anycase, im not worried about what he is paying. I dont care.

i really cannot express to you enough that the arrangement was "amicable" in the past and within one week, he changed the locks on the door (we had access to each others homes for 3 years) and called the police when i arrived the following access exchange. He wanted me off his property and to wait by the curb. Now he wont even allow me on his street..all of which i comply with. The children carry their effects to the end of the street at times if he refuses to show up at the agreed access drop off that was implimented after this started. Its really combative, and it really is one sided. Everyting he has demanded over this summer, i have agreed to becuase he is continually threatening to call the police.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 11-12-2013, 03:23 PM
Weary Weary is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 18
Weary is on a distinguished road
Default

[
I'm not sure why a lawyer would warn you a judge is "pro men". What specifically did you not like about your lawyer, so far, that you want to change? These comments throw up red flags for me.[/QUOTE]

thats the problem, shes very good at getting back to me and following up. I just felt that her focus on the proceedural aspect was short sighted when there was so much in other areas that she could have focused on. I dont know if she didnt focus on the fact that he is not in compliance because i havent focused on the money aspect of it. I just felt like her court presentation was incredibly ...weak. I dont know if this is something i should be concerned about. Is court presentation important? Or does it matter?

At this time i am confident that i have alot of evidence to support all of my comments, claims and assertions. I just need to have someone actually read it and see the trend and pattern. I have never refused access to my ex. I have allowed him extra time for events that were special even to the point of cancelling my own if i felt like his "trumped". For example, i cancelled an event to a demolition derby with the kids in the fall of 2012 so that they could go to his girlfriends surprise birthday party. I felt that was more important for them. It was *that* sort of relationship. Even now, despite it absolutely killing me to allow it, i hold my tongue and let the chidlren go to his christmas party even though its during my access time. On his part, i requested the children exchange be delayed by 3 hours so that i could take the children to my work christmas party and he refuses.
It really is that one sided.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 11-12-2013, 03:24 PM
Weary Weary is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 18
Weary is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
Describe/define "neglect"?

The children are 12 and 14, they should be able to provide for themselves for the most part. There should be food in the house which they can access when they are hungry.

Allowing the children to play video games (even if for extended periods of time) is not neglect. Heck, I have been know to sit on my xBox for hours upon end now....

So long as they have clothes to wear, there is food in the fridge and they have a place to sleep, if dad chooses not to spend time with them when he has them. He is allowed to parent (badly) as he sees fit. Being a parent who pays limited attention to the kids is a far cry from neglect. If the kids had no food to eat, no clean clothes and were left in their own filth, that is neglect.

Your ex should be paying offset c/s. Your spouse shouldn't be a go between for you and your ex. That isn't their job. They are there to support you. It is your job to communicate with your ex. I would never ask my wife to speak to my ex about a matter relating to our child.
I am missing a post where i addressed this? I am new posting on the forum, would have done something wrong?
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 11-12-2013, 03:30 PM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,702
DowntroddenDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Weary View Post
I know you think that he has evidence to support his claim but he really doesnt. Look, just please take what i am asking on face value because im not on trial here. IF what i am saying is the complete truth, just address that please. I would appreciate it on the basis of that. If im lying then it will come out in the courts and i will be dealt with. It doesnt benefit me to lie at the moment, i genuinely want to just understand what i can work with. I do have alot of emailing back and forth on scheduling and him asking me to watch the kids or address their needs on his time. I have 3 years worth. In anycase, im not worried about what he is paying. I dont care.

i really cannot express to you enough that the arrangement was "amicable" in the past and within one week, he changed the locks on the door (we had access to each others homes for 3 years) and called the police when i arrived the following access exchange. He wanted me off his property and to wait by the curb. Now he wont even allow me on his street..all of which i comply with. The children carry their effects to the end of the street at times if he refuses to show up at the agreed access drop off that was implimented after this started. Its really combative, and it really is one sided. Everyting he has demanded over this summer, i have agreed to becuase he is continually threatening to call the police.
Truth or no truth, you need to document what the status quo is and how long it has been in place. You need to make a diary of every day you have had access, noting which ones you that were his. Assume he will do the same, and assume that if they don't match there will be an issue of credibility with the judge.

On calling the police, if you are following the separation agreement, or a recent court order, you have done nothing wrong. Don't be bullied, it only leads to more bullying. If the order specifies dropoffs at his house, you should be allowed to knock on his door. Unless the order specifies somewhere else as the dropoff, then assume it is the house. You don't have the right to enter, but unless he has no tresspassing signs out front, you can knock on his door. No police officer would deny you that. And of course he has no right to tell you you can't park in front of his house and watch the children get into the house.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 11-12-2013, 03:46 PM
Weary Weary is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 18
Weary is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
Truth or no truth, you need to document what the status quo is and how long it has been in place. You need to make a diary of every day you have had access, noting which ones you that were his. Assume he will do the same, and assume that if they don't match there will be an issue of credibility with the judge.

On calling the police, if you are following the separation agreement, or a recent court order, you have done nothing wrong. Don't be bullied, it only leads to more bullying. If the order specifies dropoffs at his house, you should be allowed to knock on his door. Unless the order specifies somewhere else as the dropoff, then assume it is the house. You don't have the right to enter, but unless he has no tresspassing signs out front, you can knock on his door. No police officer would deny you that. And of course he has no right to tell you you can't park in front of his house and watch the children get into the house.
Ahh i understand now, thank you for clarifying. I dont have a diary but i do have many emails and texts of him asking me to pick up the children, did i feed the children, can i feed the children, did i take them to *insert event here on his day*, can i pick them up from school etc etc. Its emails and texts where he is making the request and/or i am acknowledging that i have followed through on something. I am under the impression that this counts. What i can do, which you just gave me the idea for is to take all lof them and submit a calender or spread sheet with all the requests with the email supporting it attached. That alone would be a large document but i can do it. Even so, i am really only interested in showing that i have been the *only* caretaker and all of the doctors, dentists etc have all written notes supporting that from their clinical notes. They dont even know what he looks like.
As for the exchanges, we agreed to exchange the chidlren at a local coffee shop after the first time he called the police. And yes, they came to my house and because i had left his premises with the children *I* got into trouble for "leaving the scene". But they came already with the position that i was creating trouble for him and treated me initially in a disrespectful manner. Once they saw that i was not in fact a screeming banshee as he claims and polite, calm and articulate their attitude to me shifted. Since then hes called for anytime i have emailed him according to our parenting agreement and my lawyer has told me to back down on all accounts each time and comply. This weekend wiht my partner it came to a head because he told him that he wont communicate with my ex any longer becuase he is incredibly rude to him. But im at a loss, i know his lawyer will reject all communication.

Im rambling. Im sorry.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
alienation, clinical, investigator, ocl


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Arbitration Process Nationcaps Divorce & Family Law 5 09-15-2011 03:45 PM
Have you had to end the process due to running out of money? Human Way Financial Issues 12 06-26-2010 11:27 AM
Scared and Need Help!! Hurt Divorce Support 2 01-23-2007 02:27 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:08 AM.