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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 04-16-2012, 08:50 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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[QUOTE=dinkyface;92212]- I'd say Conrad is still in school and is NOT self-sufficient. 10h/wk is a typical high-school job load.agree with his claim.
- Suggest just adding a line that CS will be adjusted automatically on June 1 each year based on the most recent NOA, which he will provide each year.

[QUOTE]
i thought to be considered to be "in school" it has to be full time studies, he is only at school part time.
  #12  
Old 04-17-2012, 07:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hadenough View Post
M.K. - how long have you and your husband been separated for? You definitely have the lion's share of the debt. You raise some valid concerns. Allow for some members here to give you some wise advice before you proceed with anything (of course).
Thank you very much for your response Hadeough. Me and my husband are still living in same house and although he claims that we have separated 2 years ago I do not agree with this. Until now I am still doing his laundry, cook for him and arrange his affairs - traditionally in our marriage I was and still am the one how would look after management of our household: I took care of investments, financials, career (I always looked for and applied for his jobs and prepared him and his portfolio for job interviews). I helped him to find his latest job at which he has been for a year and a few months now. We do sleep in separate rooms however. I would agree to our separation date being January 1, 2012 because that is when we both agreed to put our house on sale which (once again I arranged everything) we did in February. My debt is really big and I feel that my ex should participate in paying 1/6th of it (considering 1/3 of the debt being house expenses - I also spend $1500 on two crowns on my front teeth - but I will not challenge that). I need to find a place for me and our sons: although Alex and Conrad have an RESP account set up (which once again I started and made sure that money was put aside there) but there is not a huge lot there for the two boys considering high cost of education now. I estimate the fund to be $20K. If Alex will continue his education at University as planned and if Conrad gets into college next year - this money will not last too long. That i why I would NOT agree for my EX to just "brush himself off" from participating in paying for my sons' education.
And I am really worried about my financial situation - looking after two teenagers and dealing with my illness and Conrad's problems with addiction - all these challenges make it even more difficult and my ex told me many times that MY Financial situation WILL be MUCH better than his when we separate... (My income is $2000 per year more than his).

  #13  
Old 04-17-2012, 07:24 AM
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Originally Posted by hadenough View Post
No, you would be the Respondent. There was a thread posted awhile back (I believe responded to by "Tayken") that outlined some advantages of being the **Respondent. Check into that. I think the letter should be acknowledged, as a courtesy but that doesn't mean you are agreeing to it. The thing here is: clearly - neither of you can afford for this thing to go through the Legal Wringer (Court). The sky won't fall if you don't respond - but you will need to attend Court after they have filed the Application. If you can sort out a fair distribution of the debts - stay as far away from going to Court as possible. You will both be a lot better off, financially. That's a given... (P.S. I think the thread that had "Respondent info" was titled "Ex Filed First" - can't remember who posted it)
Thank you so much for your input hadeoungh! This information really changed my mind about feeling almost like "lucky-go-happy" chick not hesitating to go to court. I will definitely try to settle, although I do not have any money (or credit available) to hire a lawyer so I need to do this all by myself. I will go to a legal clinic but that is all I can do as far as lawyer's advice goes.

  #14  
Old 04-17-2012, 07:32 AM
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Originally Posted by dinkyface View Post
My opinions - whether you want to fight on this is your choice
- I'd say Conrad is still in school and is NOT self-sufficient. 10h/wk is a typical high-school job load. HOWEVER - you are fighting over $2400 i.e. an extra $200/mo for maybe 1 year (unless you think it likely that he will go to university after finishing high school)
- Don't agree with delaying CS - unless you are benefiting from cheap living in the house until the sale closes. If you don't put it on record NOW that you feel that CS should be payable now, then you make it very hard for yourself to pursue retro-CS later.
- Give up on the health plan - no longer his problem (especially if he finds a new partner)
- Give up on the insurance on his life (it's only a matter of 5 years before kids are out of school)
- No comment on the debt (not enough info), but you are fighting over $5K (1/2 of 1/3 of $30K). If you pursue it, you will need to give some hard numbers by cranking through all your past statements.
- WHO put money into the RESP? If he put in a significant portion, then I agree with his claim. Do the math to figure out if his contribution will cover at least 1/3 of the tuition/books.
- Suggest just adding a line that CS will be adjusted automatically on June 1 each year based on the most recent NOA, which he will provide each year.

Sorry I can't comment on anything else that was missing that you expected to see there (don't presume that responders are reading all your old posts).
Thank you for your response. I am taking your advice to heart. You really opened my eyes here. It feels now that I am on my way to see more clearly through this muggy legal swamp of rules, rights and what you "can" and "cannot". Thank you again. By the way, I put all the money into RESP. A lot of the money I received from my mother and I set up a monthly contribution of $100 for the last 12 years - the money however was taken out from our joint account.
  #15  
Old 04-17-2012, 08:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hadenough View Post
How is he affording a lawyer on his salary? How old is eldest son? 10 hrs a week at Wendy's hardly implies he is self-sufficient. Are there any costs associated with the counseling your son is getting?
Has your ex's income historically been under 35k per year?

It would be best to avoid Court if at all possible. If you each have equal debts and can split the assets down the middle - would be good to consider settling. I didn't know lawyers gave drop-dead dates like that, as a rule. What is YOUR gut feeling about the proposed offer? What (if anything) would you accept about it - or not accept? Finally, if you were to propose an offer to him - what would that offer include, point by point? Jot this down as an "exercise" and just be really honest with yourself. See what you come up with.
Headeough this note is re: "how can he afford a lawyer on his salary". I know how expensive it is to hire a lawyer so I was wondering that myself, however keep in mind that my ex will cash approximately 130K from the proceeds of sale of our house. The house was almost paid off thanks to my mother's help. She gave me over 50K over the last 12years, some of which I deposited into my sons' RESP. My mother also gave us 10K to pay off our Honda which my husband is keeping now. So, that is why my EX is probably not extremely worried about where he is going to get the money from for the lawyers. Also, he has a big property parcel in Poland worth almost 1 million Canadian dollars. The property is 75% in his mother's name and 25% in his. He is trying to sell the land but has a hard time (he is asking too much money for it - offers come but not to his satisfaction). As you can see my ex is not in danger of being homeless yet he is quite stingy with giving anything (unfortunately this also includes love and affection... sorry if I appear a self-pity chick here...). And having known him for 25 years I know that he would rather part with his money than lose a battle - ANY battle - and he is the kind of person who considers anyone who does not agree with him a "silly" guy/gal, will critisize them and definitely will not stay in a good relationship with these people.
And I just realized, that I maybe I am too descriptive of my situation... Please forgive me if this is so - I am going through a very emotional time now - anger is still strong - especially that my ex has been openly searching for a "new" woman to replace me for the last two years. and he does not understand that it hurts me when I see this - he just laughs at me that I am "too sensitive" and should forget about him as his partner. It it just hard to be under one roof in this situation and he was not willing to move out because "it would not be convenient" for him - this is exactly what he said.

  #16  
Old 04-17-2012, 09:04 AM
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I'm preparing an offer to settle to my ex. This is an exert from my proposed CS sections (my children are all young):

h. Child support requirements will cease at 12:01 am the day each child reaches the age of majority, but shall not affect the amount of any support payment required to be made the first day of the month in which they reach the age of majority.
i. The parties agree to support the children, as necessary, after they reach the age of majority but it will be done individually and not in association with the Ontario child support tables.
  #17  
Old 04-17-2012, 09:27 AM
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MK; I don't know a lot about the equalization topic. You need to read up on that - make a list of all assets and debts - include the property (Poland and Canada), the monies you contributed to RESP's etc (all the things you mentioned here).

There's a book I find helpful for quick reference - it's called "Surviving your Divorce" 5th Edition, by Michael G. Cochrane. It's $29.99 at Chapter's or check the Library. You need to inform yourself. Many people on here can understand your emotional state and anger is all part of that. Hopefully you have one or two close friends who are a support to you.

As for husband looking for someone else.. Good - let them do his laundry etc. Being divorced/single is not all that bad. There is a peace that comes with it, and a chance to live your life in a new way. Your job now is to decide what is a fair arrangement for you and the kids based on all of the facts/matters to be considered. Are you able to consult with a Family Lawyer for an hour? Would be a well-spent $300 (approx). Court should be a very last resort.
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Old 04-17-2012, 10:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SingingDad View Post
I'm preparing an offer to settle to my ex. This is an exert from my proposed CS sections (my children are all young):

h. Child support requirements will cease at 12:01 am the day each child reaches the age of majority, but shall not affect the amount of any support payment required to be made the first day of the month in which they reach the age of majority.
i. The parties agree to support the children, as necessary, after they reach the age of majority but it will be done individually and not in association with the Ontario child support tables.
Sorry I should have mentioned I'm asking if this is sufficient for the termination of child support and reasonable for situations after they turn 18.

I also have section 7 expenses continuing until 23 or their first post secondary program is complete.
  #19  
Old 04-17-2012, 10:33 AM
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MK:

With respect to all of the legal rules and law mumbo jumbo: While it gets a nod from everyone involved, it applies most strongly in court and less so when it comes to settlement.

I found the settlement process to be more or less dependent simply on what you think you can get the other person to agree to and less on what might be 100% fair.

That being said, the offer you received looks fairly acceptable. If the situation with your son in adult high school changes and he wants to attend college then that would be a material change in circumstances which would warrant adjusting CS if it should occur.

With respect to the RESP and school expenses, what I generally consider fair is:

-Post secondary expenses to be paid firstly from RESPs, bursaries, scholarships and such.

-Of the remaining balance, 1/3 is to be paid by the child.

-Of the remaining 2/3, it is split in proportion of the income of the two parents. In your case this sounds like it would be roughly 1/3 each.

Other things to consider: It is highly likely one or both of your sons will qualify for generous student loans living with a single parent with low income. If they want to attend school they will find financial assistance, though it's likely they will have to work part-time too.

Lastly, with respect to the family debt: I notice there was no mention of net family property, financial statements or equalization payment. This is a process that should definitely be completed and the opposing lawyer knows this. This paperwork is very helpful for all parties to see many aspects of the finances.

Don't worry about the 2 week deadline though to comply all you have to do is acknowledge that you received it and are considering it. As others have stated, in your situation there is very little money up for grabs outside of the home equity and the core of the offer sounds pretty reasonable.
  #20  
Old 04-17-2012, 10:34 AM
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SingingDad, you should probably start your own topic for that question, so as not to derail this one. Just a courtesy around here!
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