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  • #16
    Originally posted by Selfrepmom View Post
    Then reword it so it makes more sense to you, and include it in your next offer.



    In your ex’s/his lawyer’s eyes though, it probably already does make sense. I’m guessing the clause says something along the lines of “NCP is able to make emergency medical decisions on his parenting time and must inform the CP within 2 hours”. That’s nothing to get hung up on, and still seems fairly reasonable to me (plus have you ever been in a serious medical emergency with your kid? By the time you perform first aid/call 911/rush to hospital/talk to doctor/make sure kid is stable, an hour or two has probably flown by- and all your adrenaline will let you focus on is your kid. I’d actually prefer if my ex took an hour or two to focus on making sure my kid is in competent medical hands and ok before calling me, because let’s face it, my presence probably isn’t going to make much of a difference. It might reassure me/my kid, but medically speaking, my presence will make no difference)

    If you want to get even more technical and explain the steps your ex must take during an emergency then reword and send back (although unless your kids are high risk like Iona’s, this is probably unnecessary) I wouldn’t completely laugh this one off as ridiculous though.


    Well if you met my ex you would understand why this is not going to fly. Obviously yes get the kid medical help first. But the second thing you do is call the other parent. Don’t think it takes 2 hrs to do that. I would not trust him as he doesn’t understand enough to make a life changing decision. Anyways glad you trust your ex to handle this. As I would not. He can’t even give or ask a question to a dr when the dr asked him why he was there and what he would like to know? He shut down and his face went all red and then no words come out.

    I will try to go through the offer and reword some of the things.. but some of them are just ridiculous and not necessary. Like they put I can’t go near my kids at sports on his time. Which only confirms what the kids told the OCL. That he won’t allow them to come near me which causes them anxiety. I always encourage the kids to say hi to dad if and when he shows up.


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    • #17
      Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
      Well if you met my ex you would understand why this is not going to fly. Obviously yes get the kid medical help first. But the second thing you do is call the other parent. Don’t think it takes 2 hrs to do that. I would not trust him as he doesn’t understand enough to make a life changing decision. Anyways glad you trust your ex to handle this. As I would not. He can’t even give or ask a question to a dr when the dr asked him why he was there and what he would like to know? He shut down and his face went all red and then no words come out.

      I will try to go through the offer and reword some of the things.. but some of them are just ridiculous and not necessary. Like they put I can’t go near my kids at sports on his time. Which only confirms what the kids told the OCL. That he won’t allow them to come near me which causes them anxiety. I always encourage the kids to say hi to dad if and when he shows up.


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      For what it’s worth... when my brother was 1 he had a high fever that broke and sent him into a seizure... my dad was at work... my mom called 911 and it never even crossed her mind to call my Dad as she was focused on my brother... it wasn’t until she was at the hospital that she asked to use a phone to call my Dad... this was basically an hour afterwards... she forgot her cell phone at home as after she called 911 she simply put it down and it was the last thing on her mind. Let’s face it, at the end of the day the medical professionals are going to do what they have to do to stabilize and transport a patient regardless of whether mom or Dad are there.


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      • #18
        Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
        Well if you met my ex you would understand why this is not going to fly. Obviously yes get the kid medical help first. But the second thing you do is call the other parent. Don’t think it takes 2 hrs to do that. I would not trust him as he doesn’t understand enough to make a life changing decision. Anyways glad you trust your ex to handle this. As I would not. He can’t even give or ask a question to a dr when the dr asked him why he was there and what he would like to know? He shut down and his face went all red and then no words come out.

        I will try to go through the offer and reword some of the things.. but some of them are just ridiculous and not necessary. Like they put I can’t go near my kids at sports on his time. Which only confirms what the kids told the OCL. That he won’t allow them to come near me which causes them anxiety. I always encourage the kids to say hi to dad if and when he shows up.


        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
        If I can offer a suggestion- don't get caught up in the minutiae. Even if the agreement read as you wanted it to...do you think your ex or his gf are actually going to follow it? Even if it's as clear as day...from what you say- they're not going to care.

        My suggestion, for what it's worth, is focus on getting something that

        1. clearly shows you have sole custody - with NO restrictions.
        2. clearly deals with parenting time
        3. clearly sets out the CS amounts and section 7 expenses

        All the other stuff- it's noise.

        Even our OCL report. My ex disputed it. And while it was instrumental in my securing sole custody...even the judge at our SC (she was really good- Madame Justice Gilmore if anyone is in the Toronto courts) said it was informative but not instructive enough.

        Send over another offer. When you get to the SC. Have your lawyer go aggressive and have the offer separate- three copies- ready to give to all parties.

        The tactic my lawyer used? He didn't let our judge compare the two offers in our SC briefs- he had my last one- that he'd discussed with opposing counsel 25 minutes before we started- ready to go and asked to pass up to the Judge. She wasn't stupid- she knew what he was doing. But she just wanted something easy to follow along. Then he was really aggressive and did most of the talking in the SC.

        BUT BUT- key for me was that the majority of parenting schedule had been tentatively settled through our PC.

        It may be worth it to use a PC for one or two sessions- and this sounds crazy, I know- but maybe invite the gf to attend as well. If it doesn't work- then, yes it was a waste of money. But if it does work? SO. MUCH. SANITY & MONEY. SAVED.

        As to all the nitty gritty details. I'm not kidding when I say my lawyer just pushed hard. It wasn't pretty. But I didn't choose him because he was known to a be a nice and reasonable lawyer. That being said- I saw him interact with my ex's lawyer after- they're friends. Their styles are just different.

        Also- think about what your ex's motivations are. Divorce is the biggest mind game ever. I knew my ex was motivated by $$$. So I knew if I caved an took $0 for myself, he'd be more inclined to give in on the other areas.
        Last edited by iona6656; 08-21-2019, 11:25 AM.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
          If I can offer a suggestion- don't get caught up in the minutiae. Even if the agreement read as you wanted it to...do you think your ex or his gf are actually going to follow it? Even if it's as clear as day...from what you say- they're not going to care.



          My suggestion, for what it's worth, is focus on getting something that



          1. clearly shows you have sole custody - with NO restrictions.

          2. clearly deals with parenting time

          3. clearly sets out the CS amounts and section 7 expenses



          All the other stuff- it's noise.



          Even our OCL report. My ex disputed it. And while it was instrumental in my securing sole custody...even the judge at our SC (she was really good- Madame Justice Gilmore if anyone is in the Toronto courts) said it was informative but not instructive enough.



          Send over another offer. When you get to the SC. Have your lawyer go aggressive and have the offer separate- three copies- ready to give to all parties.



          The tactic my lawyer used? He didn't let our judge compare the two offers in our SC briefs- he had my last one- that he'd discussed with opposing counsel 25 minutes before we started- ready to go and asked to pass up to the Judge. She wasn't stupid- she knew what he was doing. But she just wanted something easy to follow along. Then he was really aggressive and did most of the talking in the SC.



          BUT BUT- key for me was that the majority of parenting schedule had been tentatively settled through our PC.



          It may be worth it to use a PC for one or two sessions- and this sounds crazy, I know- but maybe invite the gf to attend as well. If it doesn't work- then, yes it was a waste of money. But if it does work? SO. MUCH. SANITY & MONEY. SAVED.



          As to all the nitty gritty details. I'm not kidding when I say my lawyer just pushed hard. It wasn't pretty. But I didn't choose him because he was known to a be a nice and reasonable lawyer. That being said- I saw him interact with my ex's lawyer after- they're friends. Their styles are just different.



          Also- think about what your ex's motivations are. Divorce is the biggest mind game ever. I knew my ex was motivated by $$$. So I knew if I caved an took $0 for myself, he'd be more inclined to give in on the other areas.


          Very good advice... my lawyer is friends with the ex’s as well... ex’s lawyer uses a newbee but will be the senior guy for a trial I am sure.

          I like your sole clause. And will include it.

          I keep trying to remember I have sole custody already. For the last 6 years he agreed to. And all the while it worked. I get it he is entitled to want more time. But he should have to do the work to repair his relationship he ruined with our boys.

          He can take them for therapy. Great. But fair is us both agreeing to who it is. not he chooses and I follow what therapist says. He put that in there. That’s nuts.

          I gave him opportunity to have input when i chose the current ones and he consistently ignored the requests.

          But your right. A lot of it won’t be followed. Although If i don’t follow they will point it out at each turn.

          Like they even put I can’t give my child food at hockey if it’s on his time.

          This happened once as my son didn’t eat breakfast with dad and was feeling sick and hungry. I always have snacks as I know he doesn’t feed them properly. So I gave my kid some olives and cheese before he went on the ice for 1.5 hrs. Lol. And they redeemed that in an offer to settle.


          I will not give up sole.

          I have tried talking to the gf... twice in past 2 months. Her way or highway and she constantly lies and sticks up for ex and makes excuses. Or says lawyers advised them not to do this or that.

          Thanks again for all the help.


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          • #20
            Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
            ....

            Like they even put I can’t give my child food at hockey if it’s on his time.

            This happened once as my son didn’t eat breakfast with dad and was feeling sick and hungry. I always have snacks as I know he doesn’t feed them properly. So I gave my kid some olives and cheese before he went on the ice for 1.5 hrs. Lol. And they redeemed that in an offer to settle.
            This right here sounds like a lawyer tactic. It's called a red herring. Make you riled up about something that is essentially inconsequential and so blatantly offensive that you are distracted from what is more important.

            My lawyer and I did the same thing- I said that D3's before and afterschool care must be provided by my mom, at a rate commensurate with our daughter's preschool...it works out to $100 bucks a month for him. He took HUGE issue with it- and his lawyer was like "He will ABSOLUTELY not agree to that- she's not a licensed daycare, etc etc etc". I caved on it- and said the provider will agreed upon by both parties. Do you think I care? I don't. It's a $100/month. Plus, I pay my mom $300/month now- it's in MY budget. Do I care if he will share this with me? No. Not at all.

            But my ex and his lawyer focused on that- rather than other more important things- like fighting me that the meeting with our PC when our daughter hits 6 should actually count as material change in circumstances. But he didn't, he was focused on money.

            So don't do that. Don't focus on how he's trying to put in weird restrictions....because, play that scenario out. Say you do give your son some food- what's he going to do? take you to court on contempt? Is he going to win?

            If you say it creates the opportunity for conflict- well, it sounds like your ex and his gf don't need a clause in an agreement to create that conflict...they're going to do it anyways.

            Like Rocksan said to me- her husband's agreement is clear as day- and his ex STILL finds a way to misinterpret it on purpose.

            At the beginning of this whole matter- my ex's lawyer- in a really dirty manner- put in writing that my ex is worried about my mental state (re: PPD) because I adamantly refused his genuine offer to help me lose weight I had gained with our daughter. She put that in writing. As a lawyer- I wanted to fly off the handle and get really pissed. I did. But I spoke to a good friend of mine who's a litigator and he said- she's just trying to rattle you- and it's working if you spend an ounce of time and money on getting your lawyer to respond to that shit. He was 100% right.

            My long winded point is that you cannot get rattled. It will cost you money and may make you lose focus on what's important.
            Last edited by iona6656; 08-21-2019, 12:55 PM.

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