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  • Help, am I going about this the right way?

    Sorry this is long.
    I have been in along term common law relationship for 17 years. No kids. I had found out my spouse was screwing around on me with a prostitute that works for an escort service. It has been going on for over 2 years. I was going to confront him when I found out, but decided to get all my evidence and what I would do and be entitled to. I had to get all my ducks in a row before I confront him. This has taken me awhile and I'm very stressed out. I had since found out that he has been frequenting internet sites looking for sex.
    I knew something was going on because he as not acting himself for some time. I think he is mentally unstable. He did attack me during an argument in January by pushing me hard to the ground. I hit my head hard on the hardwood floor and ended up with a lump that lasted a couple of months. He said I deserved it. He has never done anything like that before. He has been though treating me like crap verbally.
    So tonight I went over to his brother's house and told him what was going on. He agreed that he needs help. I told the brother that there only 2 options, one he stops all this and gets phsycatric help and I'm willing to go with him to try and work everthing out. The other is to give me a settlement and I will leave. I don't think he will go for either, but I think a settlement will be the end result.
    I will be confronting him on friday. I have to do it. I can't live like this anymore. I am a little scared about what he might do. I will voice record the confrontation just in case.

    As for a settlement I would be going for Unjust Enrichment. I do work but not a full 40 hours because I have a disablity that was caused from a car accident 5 years ago. I would not be able to afford to live on my own without receiving a settlement. How would I go about figuring out the amounts of everything I have done to give him the enrichment. For axample I bought food, household items etc... Helped him with his buisness. Where as he was able to purchase some land, do renos on the house etc... increase his buisness. Any thoughts would be helpful.

  • #2
    Speaking as a woman who was verbally abused for 10 years and one who was beginning to get physically abused prior to me leaving...if you are going to confront him have someone there with you, for your own safety and protection, and his brother may not be the best idea. I had the very supportive brother of my ex in my corner until push came to shove, he even told me to leave him, but when it came down to it blood was most definitely thicker than water and he has been nothing but rude and uncivil to me whenever we cross paths.

    If you seriously think he can work through this and you are willing to stand by him I think you are an amazing woman, but really think long and hard, he is an abuser and you certainly don't need that. I am paying for my years of abuse in weekly counselling sessions right now and it is going to be a long hard road but in the end I am worth it and don't ever forget you are too.

    As for the settlement, I can't help you there as I am not as skilled in that area as others in this forum but you have definitely found the right place to ask the question!

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    • #3
      An update as to what had transpired. Well my CLS's brother called him and informed him about what I knew. He then proceeded to distroy all the evidence linking him to the escort. I still have photo copies of everything. CLS confrmted me and denied everything. He agreed to a settlement and would give me enough time to find a place to live. We just could not agree on an amount. There as no yelling, screaming or any violence. Just civil.

      About 10 days after the conforntation CLS found me crying in my office in the basement. With everything that had been going on I found out that I was going to be laid off from work. He told that he did not want me to leave and agreed that he has been very mean to me and that he will change.

      Things have been getting better except for a couple of weeks ago when I found out he had been in contact with the escort again. I told him flat out that it was either her or me. If he wants me to stay then he is to never have any contact with her ever again. And to build trust again no secrets, so when I ask a question he has answer it.

      It is a work in progress, so there is hope.

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      • #4
        Not to try to sound unsympathetic, because it sounds like you deserve some, but his infidelity is not going to matter at all if it gets to the lawyers and/or the court. So keeping the pics and evidence of his unfaithfulness will not help you if it gets that far.

        On the other hand, from what you write, your inability to work full time and the length of your relationship would seem to create a need for spousal support.

        You already appear to have done some reading on property division, as you use the term unjust enrichment. Keep reading and posting here and educating yourself. There is lots to digest.

        You may benefit from some counselling to help you work through your concerns. If he refuses to go with you, go alone. It will assist you in clarifying what you want. A neutral third party will be able to give you objective non-partisan advice you can't really find with your (or your spouse's) friends and family.

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