16 Days without seeing the children/hearing from the children

[Tayken]

cant suck and blow at the same time.

Better way to put it... (And how the judges often put it into case law...) is "You can't blow hot and cold at the same time."

On the other hand, in the interests of expedient and responsible litigation, a party should not be permitted to blow hot and cold…”

Epstein Equestrian v. Cyro Canada et al., 2012 ONSC 4653 (CanLII)
Date: 2012-08-13
Docket: 00-CV-197311-000A
URL: CanLII - 2012 ONSC 4653 (CanLII)

The other quote is a bit crude for case law but, they do!

To put it in colloquial terms, the Tenants cannot suck and blow at the same time.

TSL-27181-12 (Re), 2012 CanLII 45061 (ON LTB)
Date: 2012-06-20
Docket: TSL-27181-12
URL: CanLII - 2012 CanLII 45061 (ON LTB)

CanLII is so funny some times.

[baldclub]

Baldclub:

After reading the clarification of your post. Let me re-state what I said the first time...

You should be exercising ALL your visitation time. If you had to be out of town this weekend...then you should have gotten a babysitter or (dependent on distance) taken the kids + guest (babysitter) with you...so that you could spend some time at the hospital with your dad and have them watched by the sitter until you got back. Its highly unlikely you're going to be at the hospital for the entire duration of a weekend. I'm sure if you think about it long enough...there are a number of ways you could have juggled this.

You know, I reread your posts too and what I see is you repeating the same point, perhaps more condescending, as if it was not understood the first time. Let me repeat, I understand your point of view and you're definitely entitled to it. Maybe I feared for my dad's life, maybe I was scared shitless, maybe this, maybe that. I get your point, do you think maybe it's time to move on?

Forgive me for saying so but you sound like you have a lot of excuses. I remember a post not too long ago where you were discussing why you couldn't pay child support and I thought the same thing then.

I think that's been said before here. I've been called a parassite once here too, such a constructive forum. In real life, I mean outside the forum, there has never been anything more difficult for me than separation. Not even getting shot at overseas. Am I full of excuses? Maybe I am, once again you're entitled to your opinion, can't honestly say I've heard that before in the real world.

Kids don't want to hear excuses...and you need to stop making them and do what you're supposed to do as a dad. Its probably the reason that you're getting shhh'd in court...cause judges hate excuses too.

Just my opinion.

Your second post really hit me today, on my mind all the way back home. But I remembered something I read today that "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts." Or since we're in the mood to quote:

"Opinions are like assholes. Everybody's got one and everyone thinks everyone else's stinks."

Just saying, let's try to be a bit more open to seeing different points of view that's all. When you have all the facts, I invite you to judge me but till then I think I'll take your opinion with a grain of salt.

[mcdreamy]

baldclub, you ASKED about perceptions.

I get that it was important for you to be with your dad, but as I said, I spent the last 8 weeks of my dad's life with him in his condo, and our child was a part of those plans. I never called the ex and said, sorry, can't take her this weekend, can you keep her please?

I made alternative arrangements.

We aren't judging you. We are telling you how we perceive your actions could be interpreted.

I'll take a boo at your other posts re: your proposed parenting plan to see if I can offer some assvice, but honestly my ex and I didn't and don't seem to have half of the issues you are working on in your proposed parenting plan.

[Pursuinghappiness]

Bald:

I didn't call you a parasite. I wasn't being condescending either.

I'm simply telling you what I'm reading in your posts as an observer and I don't think I'm the only one.

The benefit of this place is that sometimes you get the perspective of someone not involved in your situation. Take it or leave it.

[baldclub]

To put it in colloquial terms, the Tenants cannot suck and blow at the same time.

TSL-27181-12 (Re), 2012 CanLII 45061 (ON LTB)
Date: 2012-06-20
Docket: TSL-27181-12
URL: CanLII - 2012 CanLII 45061 (ON LTB)

CanLII is so funny some times.

Et tu, Brute? Glad to hear I'm giving you a good laugh, Tayken.

Let me give you another example of my "sucking and blowing at the same time":

In the second year into separation approximately, I would see the children mid-week on top of whatever weekend I got. The mid-week visit would change based on what the kids wanted me to do with them, check out this or that activity, whatever.

However, I also volunteered for Big Brothers and Big Sisters, as I had before 'married' life. This event took place on Wednesdays, it was a group activity that was fixed. When the court order stated I only had fixed days, and my ex refused to change those specific days I had the group activity, I was in a bit of a dilemma.

I stuck to my commitment to the boys from BBBS and missed out on what Pursuinghappiness calls "what you're supposed to do as a dad." I don't regret it one bit either.

[Pursuinghappiness]

I stuck to my commitment to the boys from BBBS and missed out on what Pursuinghappiness calls "what you're supposed to do as a dad." I don't regret it one bit either.

I'm sorry...let me get this straight. You didn't see your own children because you were playing big brother to someone else's?

I'm sorry but I'm in the middle of a custody battle and there's no f'ing way I'm making any of those types of commitments with my time until I have a final access order. My kids will always be the primary focus of my life and I will put them first before anyone or anything else.

Are you trying to suggest that this was a noble thing to do?

[Berner_Faith]

I don't understand how you can complain about never seeing your kids, but then state that you will pick other kids over your own... yes the BBBS is a great program, I have been apart of it also, however your children should be your number one priority, not other kids.

What would happen if your ex had plans on the day you just decided you didn't want the children? You are working very hard on this parenting plan, yet you don't seem to be able to stick by the set in stone dates.

[baldclub]

baldclub, you ASKED about perceptions.

I get that it was important for you to be with your dad, but as I said, I spent the last 8 weeks of my dad's life with him in his condo, and our child was a part of those plans. I never called the ex and said, sorry, can't take her this weekend, can you keep her please?

Come on mcdreamy, were you told to pick up the kids as you're heading out to take your dad, for surgery after not hearing about any sort of schedule? You had plans. I have asked for a schedule for sooo sooo long so I could have a plan in place, for sure. I would have taken my kids with me to the hospital, my children need to be aware of death too, but not under those ridiculous circumstances. Why put the kids through days of all the crap when there mother is right there, a better alternative than a babysitter any day of the week?

We aren't judging you. We are telling you how we perceive your actions could be interpreted.

Haha, that's a crock, you (as in plural) are not judging me, of course you are!!! But really, really I appreciate any constructive perception to my actions.

I'll take a boo at your other posts re: your proposed parenting plan to see if I can offer some assvice, but honestly my ex and I didn't and don't seem to have half of the issues you are working on in your proposed parenting plan.

That would greatly be appreciated mcdreamy, give it a gander please. I seriously need to detach myself from this thread to get my paperwork complete before all hell breaks loose.

[baldclub]

I don't understand how you can complain about never seeing your kids, but then state that you will pick other kids over your own... yes the BBBS is a great program, I have been apart of it also, however your children should be your number one priority, not other kids.

My kids are a huge priority in my life, let's just say that is a given if not this whole discourse is a waste of my time. But I see things quite different than you obviously. Maybe that's why I'm in the military. Maybe that's why I decided to put myself in harms way for others, not something everyone is willing to do. Maybe I have a different sense of social responsibility than you do Berner_Faith.

And to be honest, the more I have this conversation here on the forum, I realize how I see this dichotomy so clearly in my head.

What would happen if your ex had plans on the day you just decided you didn't want the children? You are working very hard on this parenting plan, yet you don't seem to be able to stick by the set in stone dates.

You hit it on the head my friend! I don't really believe life is about this confrontational bullshit "set in stone dates"! I truly want a schedule with my ex that works for both of us, but would love to have the level of cooperation that I know some of my friends have with their exes that precludes the need for in your face pieces of paper.

I guess in the ideal world I would be seeing my kids on a regular basis and would make a quick call to my ex to explain my concern with my dad's health. In the real world, if I had this problem with a fixed schedule, I would still just contact her to work things out.

Thanks for your feedback.

[baldclub]

I'm sorry...let me get this straight. You didn't see your own children because you were playing big brother to someone else's?

I'm sorry but I'm in the middle of a custody battle and there's no f'ing way I'm making any of those types of commitments with my time until I have a final access order. My kids will always be the primary focus of my life and I will put them first before anyone or anything else.

Are you trying to suggest that this was a noble thing to do?

Read it however you want. I've been years without a final access order. Do you think I'm going to stop volunteering? No f'ing way.

[Tayken]

Et tu, Brute? Glad to hear I'm giving you a good laugh, Tayken.

Nope. Just a general comment outlining the source of the whole you can't suck and blow at the same time. I was more pointing at the use of the phrase not the relationship to you.

The whole "suck and blow" comment when used in the wrong context before the court generally gets a big laugh though. To blow "hot and cold" is a much more polite statement to make in a court of law.

[baldclub]

Bald:

I didn't call you a parasite. I wasn't being condescending either.

Never said you called me a parassite Pursuinghappiness.

I'm simply telling you what I'm reading in your posts as an observer and I don't think I'm the only one.

I don't particulary like your simple way of telling me. And no, it's clear to me you're not the only one, hahaha!

The benefit of this place is that sometimes you get the perspective of someone not involved in your situation. Take it or leave it.

I'm ok with constructive perspective.

[Pursuinghappiness]

Baldclub:

Honestly, I'm baffled by your comments. I'm totally confused at how you structure your priorities. I can't imagine that you think its ok...i just don't get it.

No one said you couldn't volunteer..that's a nice thing to do. But when you have two conflicting priorities:

1) Your Kids
2) Volunteering

You picked 2? Seriously? And then came in here to complain about not seeing your kids?

Its unfortunate that you don't have a more flexible ex and that its taking you so long to get a schedule. But you still have a responsibility to prioritize your time. Why didn't you move your volunteering day? Or choose a volunteering action that you can do on a flexible day so that you can be available for your children?

If you don't see the irony of being on a divorce forum complaining about not seeing your children..while at the same time talking about all the other things you do instead of seeing them...including the being a big brother to other people's kids...well, I guess I can see why you are where you are.

[arabian]

Baldguy - I just skimmed back over some of your first posts on this thread. Your first few sentences of your first entry indicated you hadn't seen your kids in 16 days. Further on in the thread you indicated you didn't have a fixed schedule for your kids, rather it was based on your ex's work schedule. Correct?

Don't know what all the hoopla is about. Seems to me you are working to get your separation agreement and everything else organized so you can have a "normal" life.

Your ex has been uncooperative and you had to be with a family member through their illness/surgery. Totally understandable. Don't think anyone is going to put you on the rack for that.

[baldclub]

Thanks for your feedback, arabian.