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  • #16
    Yes of course for now on I will continue to ask for make up time if she keeps the kids on my weekends for any reason.

    I can't control what she says about me to the kids other than to tell them the truth when they bring it to my attention and then leave it at that.

    I am glad to hear that she "most likely" can't reduce my visitation. That's all I really care about right now is having the kids as much as I am allowed.

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by Janus View Post
      You trade time, you don't give up time.



      You consented to be an EOW Dad. I have a hard lump of coal in my heart for fathers who willingly give up their kids like that.



      If I could quadruple my salary, but it would force me to become an EOW father, I would reject that opportunity in an instant. Clearly you don't see things the same way.

      My point is that you barely see the kids now. The courts won't consider you to be a parent. You have no chance of winning anything legally. You have no evidence that their stepfather beats them. You don't have a doctor willing to testify that your ex has Munchhausen. You consented to not be a big part of their life, and you have willingly missed time with them. It looks terrible.

      If you don't like the picture I'm painting, then change your situation so I can't paint that picture.
      Well said, Yanus....kids should always be #1 priority in every way.

      Comment


      • #18
        Back to your original questions:

        1. I don't see parental alienation. Alienation is when a child refuses to have anything to do with a parent (won't see them, speak to them, etc). If your kids are talking to you, they aren't alienated. The problem is that their mom is being a jerk.

        2. I don't know what court is supposed to accomplish here (other than possibly deal with the hockey issue). From what I've read, you see your kids a couple of weekends a month, and over the last year you haven't exercised all of that time. You've allowed a situation to develop in which Mom does 90% of the parenting, which doesn't put you in a good position to ask for changes. Like the other posters, I think you need to be much more assertive in ensuring that you get your time with your kids - e.g. if she takes them for two months to visit her relatives, set up makeup weekends for you. If she won't do it, that's when your lawyer might come in handy.

        3. Because of #2, your 12-year-old saying he wants to live with you doesn't carry much weight. He's comparing visiting Dad every couple of weeks with day-to-day life at home. He hasn't had the chance to develop an informed opinion compare the two households. I would interpret this as your son saying he wants to spend more time with you - all the more reason to be assertive with Mom.

        4. If you are concerned about the situation at Mom's home, specifically whether the children are being abused or neglected, call your local child protection agency.

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        • #19
          True...but the person(s) have to be rationale in the first place

          Originally posted by Links17 View Post
          What I learnt is if you ask nicely and just wait everything works itself out

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          • #20
            You are getting flamed. You will get flamed in court for taking a vacation with your wife and missing your weekend access with your kid. Get over it. Vacation is clearly more important to you than time with your kid. If your plane was delayed or something to that extend and you didn't make it back on time for the access then different story. Did you still get the remaining of the weekend? What's the full story with this missed weekend access.


            You gave up your time with your kid for your ex to go on vacation with an abusive father - how can you state you have concerns with your child with the step father but give up your time with your kid for him to go with step dad?


            I would suggest you have counselling and discuss your situation with them, they will tell you how to best deal with it out of court. They will tell you how to handle certain situations and what to say to your child.

            As per the legal aspect. If you really want more time with your kid, or if you want to take full custody, then you better get to court before she get's there - the act of going to court to expand access will look good on you.

            Keep in mind, you need a material change in circumstances to change the current order. What is your current material change? Are you in contact with your kids school, doctor, and other 3rd parties? Do you have copies of their records? That's where you may want to start - you need hard evidence.

            As per physical discipline, if your child discloses to you that he is being physically discipline, then you can contact the CAS and share your concerns. Get your emotions together first though.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by trinton View Post
              You are getting flamed. You will get flamed in court for taking a vacation with your wife and missing your weekend access with your kid. Get over it. Vacation is clearly more important to you than time with your kid. If your plane was delayed or something to that extend and you didn't make it back on time for the access then different story. Did you still get the remaining of the weekend? What's the full story with this missed weekend access.

              You gave up your time with your kid for your ex to go on vacation with an abusive father - how can you state you have concerns with your child with the step father but give up your time with your kid for him to go with step dad?
              The OP has stated, more than once, that his vacation with his wife was Monday- Wednesday during the week when he would not have had the kids anyways. He did not give up his time with the kids to go on vacation with his wife, it is his EX who is telling the kids that.


              As for the OP, I strongly disagree with parenting schedules being made around work schedules. As usual, my suggestion is to consider what you would do if something happened and the other parent was not in the picture making you a full time, 24/7 parent. Whatever you would do with your work arrangements in that situation is what you should be doing now. Then, and only then, does it show you are ready and willing to be, at minimum, an equal parent.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by trinton View Post
                You are getting flamed. You will get flamed in court for taking a vacation with your wife and missing your weekend access with your kid. Get over it. Vacation is clearly more important to you than time with your kid. If your plane was delayed or something to that extend and you didn't make it back on time for the access then different story. Did you still get the remaining of the weekend? What's the full story with this missed weekend access.


                You gave up your time with your kid for your ex to go on vacation with an abusive father - how can you state you have concerns with your child with the step father but give up your time with your kid for him to go with step dad?


                I would suggest you have counselling and discuss your situation with them, they will tell you how to best deal with it out of court. They will tell you how to handle certain situations and what to say to your child.

                As per the legal aspect. If you really want more time with your kid, or if you want to take full custody, then you better get to court before she get's there - the act of going to court to expand access will look good on you.

                Keep in mind, you need a material change in circumstances to change the current order. What is your current material change? Are you in contact with your kids school, doctor, and other 3rd parties? Do you have copies of their records? That's where you may want to start - you need hard evidence.

                As per physical discipline, if your child discloses to you that he is being physically discipline, then you can contact the CAS and share your concerns. Get your emotions together first though.

                Read the original post. The poster stated that he went on vacation with his wife in the middle of the week, when he wouldn't have had the kids anyway. He didn't give up one of his weekends for that.

                Court is a last resort, not a first one. The OP needs to first try to exercise his full access by requesting makeup time for the months in the summer, and to the best of his ability making sure that he is home when it's his weekend with the kids. If he asks for more access in court when it can be shown he's not fully using what he's got, he will look silly. There is no material change in circumstances here (what has changed?) and there is no indication that the OP is asking for full custody.

                "Going to court" sounds exciting and dramatic, but it should be avoided if at all possible, and there are many things here that the OP could try to change before going the legal route.

                Comment


                • #23
                  I did not give up any time with my children.

                  My 2 day holiday with my wife was during the week on a Sunday to Tuesday. The Friday and Saturday before the day we left still was not my weekend. It was the weekend PRIOR that the kids did not come because their mother refused to bring them if I was not home for the FULL duration of their visit. Because I could not confirm with her that I would be home the FULL duration she did not bring them.

                  That is when I contacted my lawyer and he stated it does not matter if I am home or not the children are to be at my house on my court ordered weekends.

                  For the past 6 years this had never been an issue. I booked time off when I could and my wife was here to tend to the kids if I was working.

                  Its ok....call me a shitty dad all you want but the fact is like someone stated I have been a doormat and now that I am standing up for myself I am an a$$hole.

                  My job is and always has been unscheduled. I have been in this profession since 1997. I can not just simply quit a job and find a new one so I can be home more often when there are no jobs to be had.

                  Alberta economy need I say more?

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    I had to take on a job up North beginning of 2016. I lost my job in my home town due to the oil industry. I worked away for 2 months because I knew I needed to work as much as I could to help me through the spring months.

                    I made enough money to keep the roof over our heads, bills, and keep up with support payments (which I have never missed on)

                    I arranged with that job that I could be home on my 5 days off the weekend I was to see my kids. I DID miss having them 2 weekends in Jan and Feb because of this. Does this make me a shitty Dad? Really? Not everyone is blessed with a cushy, reliable job. Maybe I did make a mistake in 1997 getting into the oil industy...I regret it often. But this is my life style and it has been since, during the marriage and after.

                    So what find another job? Do you know how many people are on EI in Alberta? There are no jobs. I had to go on EI for the first time in my life this year. AND I still made my full table amount payments. My income has decreased significantly over the last 2 years and no I am battling with my ex who just received a $1 million lawsuit. would she have put my son into competitive hockey against my consent if she did not have the $...not a chance. She didn't do it until she got the money. Hence why we are arguing over my weekends and the "change in routines" the routines she changed.

                    2015 I missed ONE weekend with my kids. I worked on my weekends but my wife was home and I still had a job in my home town when I was home everynight. Well I lost that job and the only one I can find is in another province. I am doing it to SUPPORT my family. BUT I am a shitty dad that "gives up" my time right?

                    I don't need councilling. I am being abused by my ex and the system.

                    I am standing up for myself and my children. She says they are not "obligated" to be here if I am not home every second of the weekend they are here. Why is it all of a sudden a problem after 6 years? Because she put my son in hockey without my consent and wants to dictate my weekends now.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Your ex is wrong about your time. What happens on your time is your business and she doesnt get to control or dictate what happens. If you and your new wife wanted to go out and get a babysitter you can. Not her business.

                      Comment

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