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Littlemommy · #1 08-22-2015, 09:17 PM

My ex wants the OCL involved.

He was ordered to have supervised access at a centre two years ago but refused the intake process. It was clear by the judge that the only contact he can have with DD is at a centre. He has asked to have family supervise but the judge said no as there needs to be an unbiased third party.

I am fine with having the OCL involved, DD (now age 4) is a very happy, well adjusted child.

It is my understanding that the OCL needs to view the child interact with both parents to make a decision on access. How can they determine this if ex refused access? Is there a chance they won't take on the case?

The reason he is asking for it is because he is accusing me of PA.

LovingFather32 · #2 08-22-2015, 09:40 PM

Can you provide a tad more info please? I take it he abused your children if you will only allow him access under supervision.

Is CAS involved? Was he charged?

If it's just an unbiased supervisor the judge wants there are many services that provide this. Do you know of a mutual elder, a church pastor? Somebody in your family? There are many programs where social work students can play this role and even come to the home to supervise.

If he wants OCL involved then I take it he's not okay with the situation at hand. He just doesn't want to see his child in the artificial environment that an access ctr provides.

Has he spoken to you about OCL? Has a judge made an order for OCL in court with the both of you?

Have you both completed the OCL intake forms?

OCL will will meet with you a few times, your ex a few times and also talk to the child alone. They will investigate all the issues at hand and provide a report. Subsequently you will have a disclosure meeting and recommendations will be made.

Does your daughter want to see her father? Although I dont know the details of your case, I urge you to remember to keep the "Maximum Contact Principle" in mind.

Littlemommy · #3 08-22-2015, 09:50 PM

Thank you for taking time to reply.

Yes there was abuse. CAS confirmed it, charges were laid but they weren't able to prove beyond a reasonable doubt. (DD was too young to testify)

CAS said they would reopen the case if ex was awarded anything other than supervised.

I want it at a centre because that is what several judges have ordered. I only want to comply with what trained professionals have ordered me to do. I did not find the setting to be artificial, there were rooms filled to the brim with toys and DD seemed very happy and excited to be there when I went to the intake interview.

We have a motion hearing next week on this issue so we will see what the judge has to say then.

Again, I have no issue with the OCL involved. I really think that since this is a sensitive nature that professionals should be involved. DD is a happy kid, she asks about her dad maybe once every two months but doesn't seem upset by him not being involved. I've never said anything bad about him, I just answer he questions when asked.

Littlemommy · #4 08-22-2015, 09:58 PM

Just to be clear, two judges told ex that he could either use the centre or have no access. Judges do not want anyone other than the centre as there is a need to provide documentation and notes.

LovingFather32 · #5 08-22-2015, 10:07 PM

Quote:

I want it at a centre because that is what several judges have ordered

So you didnt ask for supervised?

Quote:

Yes there was abuse. CAS confirmed it, charges were laid but they weren't able to prove beyond a reasonable doubt

CAS confirmed abuse but no charges? CAS work very closely with the police. If there were any evidence of abuse CAS would have given it to police. If there is no evidence and nothing can be proven .. how was abuse confirmed? Just curious.

I understand that you find an access CTR perfectly acceptable. But you're not the visiting parent. There will be hoard's of posts coming in after mine praising the lovely access CTR's. I'm just throwing my opinion out there on them. Its not home. There are strangers watching, listening.

CAS closed the file unless unsupervised arises? CAS only closes a file when no abuse is confirmed .. to the best of my knowledge.

If they confirmed abuse (with no evidence? .. or at least gave the police none..)
the file should still be open.

Did you get his notice of motion? Is he also seeking unsupervised access?

Been a while now. He won't get unsupervised even if he's innocent of anything. Need to re-integrate hi back in to child's life.

Was he an okay father before all this? Involved?

Littlemommy · #6 08-22-2015, 10:24 PM

Sorry, gonna be hard to reply to all your questions while trying to stay anonymous.

Yes there were charges. CAS worked with the police and several charges were laid.

I did not ask for supervised. Ex was the applicant in family court. He originally asked for sole custody and the judge essentially said, "HELL NO" (but more eloquently). He tried bringing more motions hoping for a different answer but was told time and time again that he could either see her at a centre or not at all.

CAS closed the file because they felt that I was protective of DD and that it was now in the hands of the court. Case worker told me that if a judge ever gave him unsupervised that she would reopen the file. The closing letter said the abuse was verified.

Littlemommy · #7 08-22-2015, 10:29 PM

I can understand that a visiting parent would not like the setting. But if it was either that or no access at all wouldn't they just grin and bear it??
Don't they care that they haven't seen their child at all? I find it really sad that he could have built a relationship with her by now, but it seems that he has alienated himself.

LovingFather32 · #8 08-22-2015, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Littlemommy

I can understand that a visiting parent would not like the setting. But if it was either that or no access at all wouldn't they just grin and bear it??
Don't they care that they haven't seen their child at all? I find it really sad that he could have built a relationship with her by now, but it seems that he has alienated himself.

I agree. If it's a take-it-or-leave it deal. I'd be at a CTR.

Sorry .. I'm iffy when abuse charges are laid in the midst of high conflict separation stuff ... but can not be proven in court.

Either way he should have seen his child .. however way he could. Supervised access is only temporary .. and for extreme cases.

So many motions he brought and he went before criminal court and the abuse couldn't be proven .. that's what always gets me. Relationship's get messy at times. Good parents all of a sudden become pedo's, wife beaters, emotional abusers and junkies (in no particular order).

Obviously there was no forensic evidence or it would have been case closed. I've read so any cases where the 3-5 year old misstated what happened to officials also.

Anyways .. he can bring as any motions as he wants. What he should be doing is getting the temporary supervised access out of the way so he can have unsupervised faster....which he will. Supervised only lasts so long .. unless the guy is Jeffrey Dahmer.

Littlemommy · #9 08-22-2015, 10:52 PM

Nonono. We were a very happy family and one day I witnessed horrific things and DD revealed things and my life was turned upside down. I called the police to ask what to do and they sent me to CHEO, contacted CAS, the works. I was told to keep DD away from him, and then a week later ex served me with court papers. I didn't even have a lawyer at that point. Life was a god damn nightmare.

Littlemommy · #10 08-22-2015, 10:55 PM

The supervised centre told me I could use their facilities until she turned 18. There was never a mention that it would be temporary. All I want is for DD to be protected.

In criminal courts it is extremely hard to prove beyond a reasonable doubt. I was considered credible but there was still an issue of doubt due to the way I talked to DD about the abuse. I had no idea that simply talking to her about it would throw all the evidence out the window. It sucks. A lot.

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