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  • Armor Up!

    Ok so to follow up with my previous posts, I met up with my sons mother on friday to discuss our situation even more. I brought up the fact that if she doesn't agree to the four and four time frame then I would take further action and request a mediation, something that she had no idea what it was. I explained it to her and got the old "Oh so now you're going to force someone to make me give you what you want?" and many tears and boo hoos. She believes that the fact that she agreed to the four and four is no reason for this situation to be her fault and it should have been me that looked for an occupation that best suited our seven and seven schedule. On Friday she went on to explain that with how things are set up with our jobs and son, it will be me that the courts will ask to make quit my job and find something that will best suit our arrangement.
    I believe that the responsiblity was put on her when I asked her if it was alright to change out time schedule (which is not even on a legal document, it was more of a verbal agreement), if I am wrong please let me know but from what I feel and my parents and friends have told me, it's more along her responsibility since she gave me the ok for four and four BEFORE I even applied for the job. So my beef is, I gave her two weeks to see if she could get a better time schedule with her job so she doesn't have to work evenings and if she can't, then I said I would want a mediation. I have never been in one before so I have no idea what's in stored for me, can anyone tell me what kind of subjects I will come across during the meeting and how I can best prepare myself? Answers would be much appreciated

  • #2
    Mediation won't force anything on anybody.

    Mediation is a waste of time if either party is so dead set in their position that they will not budge. So it may/may not be a useful tool.

    No Judge in the world is going to agree that you should quit your job in order to be able to see your kid(s) on a 50/50 basis, assuming there is another reasonable option (4-4 schedule you want).

    That also assumes you are of equal ability and character as the kid(s) Mom.

    How effed up would that be? Quit your job so you have no income so you can take care of your kids.

    All mediation will do is explore how you both feel on the issues, and try to find some common ground within the law.

    Comment


    • #3
      Well when talking with my ex over this issue, it seems like she has no idea what she is talking about. For example, she is set on the idea that the court will tell me to quit my job and look for something that will suit the seven and seven agreement. For one, isn't the fact that we don't have any written agreement on our set schedule a means of changing it? (hopefully i worded that correctly). Also, she worded the fact that me living with my parents as "Bad living conditions", well wouldn't me getting a better job so i can afford my own place and moving out of said bad living conditions be a plus in according to court?

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      • #4
        there are two sides to every story. Or argument.

        It can be argued that livin with your parents is bad. It can be argued more convincingly that is good too. Extra help, baby-sitter on demand, etc.

        I guess your going to court. unless hte mediator is able to show her how she is wrong (they do that too - show you how one arguement or another will or won't hold water. they do this by asking pointed questions and then telling you what the law says.)

        If mediation doesn't work (if it were me. Please make your won decision.). I would be of the opinion of 'ok get ready to be spanked in court missy'.

        But take that with a grain of salt. It's all about the best 'arguement' pesented before the Judge. So if you lack the ability to present a cogent, concise, and relevent arguement - you need a lwayer to do it for you.

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        • #5
          Well on both sides, court is something that would liked to be avoided since neither of us wants to pay thousands of dollars on lawyers. Knowing that, the likelyhood of my ex giving in to a mediation looks good (kind of worrying that she might call my bluff if i threw the demand of going to court at her). I have talked to some lawyers already and they have told me that my request for a 4 and 4 time period is not asking for too much, plus the court would rather have it as such a rotation since it is less of a time period inbetween seeing each parent.
          What worries me is that I might go into mediation and miss a few points, is there anything that I should bring up during a mediation that would be considered a critical point that I won't want to miss bringing up?

          Comment


          • #6
            Well sometimes 'something' is better than 'nothing'.

            Probably you won't get all the details just as you like the first time around whether you have a lawyer or not.

            I have found that little things previously unconsidered tend to pop up.

            It all depends on the relationship you are able to maintain post seperation. Can you be cool to one another and just accept a basic framework to be worked on as things come up? Or wll you forever be at odds?

            Mediation could very well convince her that what you're asking for is not un-reasonable.

            But maybe she's too stubborn to hear it. I have no idea.

            Ultimately, you know the situation best, and you need to take appropriate action.
            Last edited by wretchedotis; 01-08-2013, 02:32 AM.

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            • #7
              Well I do hope that the mediation does open her eyes when it comes to our situation. With her demand of it being seven and seven with me working this job, he will be spending four days with his grandparents without seeing me, then 3 days with me, then while at his other home he is more than 50 % of the time being looked after by my exs bf since she words evening alot of the time and gets to see him for the rest. To me this isn't what I would consider "What's best for our son" since he is being passed around more than he would be if it were a four and four time line since I would be able to look after him 100% of the time during my time with him. Possibly this is a game of power with her, she's upset that I am getting all of this time with him since my work allows it, but with her job it seems to cut into her time with him. With this note I suggested that maybe she should start looking for a new job, one that would give her hours that are along daycare hours so she can spend more time with him. Well this point made her believe that I was telling her how to live her life and that I was demanding that she quit her job......sometimes I wonder about this woman, it's like she believes everyone in the world is against her, but rather it's her actions that get her into these situations and she doesn't want to take responsibility for them (sorry for the rant :P)

              Comment


              • #8
                So why can't you do 7 and 7? How old are the kids? Are you totally gone those 3 days? Is there any reason your parents can't step in to help with them?

                How long were you doing 7 and 7 before you asked to change it?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Well the reason why I can't do 7 and 7 is because of the hours I work at my new job, I work for four days each shift being 12 hours, switching between day hours and night hours. With those I definitely can't watch after my son since he isn't able to stay home alone since he is only four. Well that's the thing, I don't want my parents watching over my son for four straight days because that's not fair to them, why should they have to look after my son when there is a workable time frame where I can look after him 100% of the time? We have been doing the 7 and 7 time frame for a good 7-8 months now

                  Comment

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