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  • Small expenses

    I need an opinion on some expenses which Iam covering for my child , I pay child support table amount + some other expenses which I volunteered to pay in full . Just the other day I started thinking that my ex is getting me to pay for things for my kid which actually should be paid out of CS , dont get me wrong I would do anything for my child and I am not being cheap , its just that I think that Iam sending wrong message to my ex , It seems to me now that she thinks she can get her way from me everytime she asks for something for our child , which actually she should be paying for. Since I started paying CS I also have been buying clothes , shoes , paying for hair cuts etc. Should I continue to do this things ? Or should I start asking her for money everytime I buy something for my kid ?

  • #2
    What is the custody schedule like? Do you have the child more than 40% of the time? Do you pay full table or table offset amounts of CS?

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    • #3
      The things you mentioned should clearly be paid by the child support you are providing. That being said, is there a financial problem with your ex-spouse, or is she the one that is being cheap! Answer the financial question and you will probably answer your question you asked. Be nice about it though. Many people are private about their financial matter, specially if they are having financial issues.

      Your dedication to your children is admirable.

      I have had personal experience with this before I got full custody of my two.

      When you do provide for items that support was intended, keep all your receipts. They may assist you in the future.

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      • #4
        There is a joint custody , where I have access as much as my work schedule allows me to , I also drive my child to school and back while I am on nights , my kid is not ready yet to stay overnights as he is used to his mom puting him to bed since the day he was born . I didnt calculate % of time he spends with me but I guess its around 30% .I pay full table amount in CS. The separation agreement is not final yet , because of some SS issues which my stbx is creating .But my access has been pretty good for the past 3 months as ex calmed down a lot , first 3 months was not so easy , she would do whatever she wanted , she would not allow me to see my kid or would ask me to pick him up and then they were already on their way to wherever , it was very frustraiting time , but its better now.As for my ex , yes she is beyond cheap , she is milking the system right left and centre , not because she is in great need but just because she can .I cant get into the details just yet as people read and I dont want any unecessary headache , pls. understand .
        As for those extra expenses ...on many occasions besides asking me to buy something for my child , she would purposely dress my kid in clothes that were for year younger child (those are my kid clothes from beginning of last year ) and when I see him in pants that are 2inches to short or jacket with sleeves ending above wrists its just make me feel like a bad parent as people I know see these things and they talk , I dont want my child look that way or feel like I dont care , because I do ! So I go and buy things for him without ever asking my ex for reimbursment . I know I am a sucker but , what other choice do I have? Ex is such an ahole!!!

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        • #5
          I can speak on the whole clothes issue... it was the same with my bf and his stbx... when we got the kids they were dressed in things that had holes, rips and were way too small... at first we started buying clothes and sending them home with them...but after a while that got old because no matter HOW much we bought, they still came in their ratty clothes... so now, she is responsible for clothing at her house and we provide it at ours... they return to her in what they wore here.

          I totally understand your position on people talking...some may disagree but I do believe people judge on our children. Not saying the kids need brand name clothing, second hand stores are great for getting used clothing that is in good shape... unfortunately for some...it is never enough and if you are worried about what clothes they are wearing have a few outfits for at your place...not everything needs to go back to her...

          Now as the kids are getting older if they want to take stuff to mom's... we are going to have to allow them...even though it rarely comes back, but the clothes do belong to the kids and if they choose to wear something from here home, so be it.

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