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dad2bandm · #11 06-01-2015, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arabian

...There is an order in place. He must obey they order...

I agree with this.
If there is a current order in place, then he needs to follow it - until it's changed.

I find it strange, that no access has happened, if there is this order in place, to at least allow for that?

If I were the Dad, I would already have been utilizing the access provided, even under "supervised" access.

If I were the Dad, I would also seek to have the order changed now, since it sounds like, CAS's findings were unfounded.

HammerDad · #12 06-01-2015, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Littlemommy

judge in family court told ex he could only see her at supervised access centre.

Just to clarify, has the judge made an order that the ex is only permitted parenting time at a supervised access centre? I just want to clarify as there is a big difference between an order (which would be on paper) and a judges recommendation, even if made while sitting in court.

If there is an order providing that the ex only has parenting time at an access centre, than the ex must follow that order. If there isn't an order, just something the judge said "should" happen, then that is something different. You will need to do what you can to protect your child, but it may involve finding another means of supervision. Maybe starting at public places, or with relatives etc. and going from there.

Littlemommy · #13 06-01-2015, 10:00 AM

The order is a written order, signed by a judge.

Dadx5 · #14 06-01-2015, 10:22 AM

Some men just hate the idea of a supervised centre. My wife has an order that her ex husband is to have supervised access at an access centre. She did the intake process he refused, that was 13 years ago and he has never tried to see the child again. He tried to have it changed in court (although he never accessed the supervised access) and judge told him no so he left and that was the end of his access tries. Occasionally he has written to my wife blaming her but has never made attempts to change.

If you have an order and he isn't using it, leave it at that. If it becomes important enough to him he will use the supervised and prove that he should have unsupervised. The onus is on him not you.

HammerDad · #15 06-01-2015, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Littlemommy

The order is a written order, signed by a judge.

Then the ex has to abide by or file a motion to have it changed.

For the sake of your child and their relationship with your ex, I may suggest that you be accommodating where you can, even if in the most minimal of ways. I don't mean allow unsupervised parenting time, but you could consider providing the ex parenting time on the condition that you, a member of your family or a member of their family (whom you reasonably trust) be there as well. Don't call it supervision, but call it attendance. It is essentially supervision, but given that the ex obviously has issues with the fact that they must be supervised, you change up the language but say the same thing. If they still won't play ball for the sake of their child, well ..... you can't fix stupid.

Littlemommy · #16 06-01-2015, 10:54 AM

I actually did offer one time of access for him to go shopping with us for school clothes. He caused a scene at the mall, yelling at me in front of our daughter that I was ruining her and that he would sue me for millions of dollars and tell everyone secrets about me.
I told him he blew his one chance and to wait for supervised access.

At this point none of my friends want to be in the same room as him and his family and friends are hardly trustworthy.

dad2bandm · #17 06-01-2015, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Littlemommy

I actually did offer one time of access for him to go shopping with us for school clothes. He caused a scene at the mall...

So you believe that your ex sexually abused your child (you must, because you still think supervised access is necessary), but you invited him clothing shopping at the mall, with you?

I can see, how such allegations might fall apart in court.

Littlemommy · #18 06-01-2015, 11:09 AM

I was trying to be accommodating and reasonable. At that point we were still on a waiting list for the SA centre and I decided to give him a chance to see her.

I don't understand, it seems that no matter what I do I'm wrong. If I withhold her I'm being unreasonable but if I offer a chance at supervised access by myself I'm doing the wrong thing?

The mall incident was almost a year ago and that was the last time he saw her.

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