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  • My turn to vent...

    So, I am looking at changing my son's name to my married name...I have sole custody, but thought I'd be nice and inform my deadbeat ex to see if he had any issues with it. I assumed it would be a non-issue, since my son bears my maiden name...(remember, this is the man who first met his son when he was over 5 years old!)...he replies with a quick (and I quote!)

    "If you wish to change k's surname perhaps you should discuss the option of adoption with your husband as I will not consent to this change via email."

    TWIT. I wasn't asking for consent.

    I drive my son the 5 hours to visit his bio dad, I pick him up...I do every single thing I can to involve a parent who just doesn't give a shit about his child...why do I keep doing it?

  • #2
    By law.... if you have sole custody of the child, then you can change his surname to whatever you please.

    You do not need his consent.

    The only thing you are required to do is inform him of the change. The form required to do so comes in the change of name package.

    If he wants to stop you, he would have to file a motion to do so, and considering the fact that the child has your maiden surname, and NOT his, he would lose.

    And to answer your questions as to "why you keep doing it".... you are doing it for your child... not for him, and certainly not for you!

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by representingself View Post

      And to answer your questions as to "why you keep doing it".... you are doing it for your child... not for him, and certainly not for you!
      Why do you do it? Is it part of the agreement/order? If he's not interested in being a parent, then why force it?

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
        So, I am looking at changing my son's name to my married name...I have sole custody, but thought I'd be nice and inform my deadbeat ex to see if he had any issues with it. I assumed it would be a non-issue, since my son bears my maiden name...(remember, this is the man who first met his son when he was over 5 years old!)...he replies with a quick (and I quote!)

        "If you wish to change k's surname perhaps you should discuss the option of adoption with your husband as I will not consent to this change via email."

        TWIT. I wasn't asking for consent.

        I drive my son the 5 hours to visit his bio dad, I pick him up...I do every single thing I can to involve a parent who just doesn't give a shit about his child...why do I keep doing it?
        to me it almost looks like you wanted to rub his nose in it. You say on one hand you wanted to see if he had any issues with it but on the other you say you were not asking for consent. Why even ask if you really did not care what he ha to say about it?

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
          Why do you do it? Is it part of the agreement/order? If he's not interested in being a parent, then why force it?
          I do it because I feel my son would lose out by losing that side of his family. I certainly don't do it for myself...but encouraging and facilitating a relationship between them is a primary role of a custodial parent, and I take my legal duties as such very seriously. The nerve of me!

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by representingself View Post
            The only thing you are required to do is inform him of the change. The form required to do so comes in the change of name package.
            I work in family law. I know the process, and have the paperwork all ready to be sent to the Registrar General. (Have been waiting for the feedback from him on it before submitting) Had he had valid reason for wishing the name change be dropped, I would have discussed the matter with him, and reconsidered, kept on with the application, or dropped it.

            Just frustrated that a name change is enough to get him thinking, "no, I will not allow a name change, but I'll agree that can be adopted instead." The difference between the two? That the adoption ceases his c/s obligation...All over the $100 per month he pays? Gimme a break! I often pay more than that just to facilitate the access between them...

            I would not give up my child or stepchild no matter the amount!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
              I do it because I feel my son would lose out by losing that side of his family. I certainly don't do it for myself...but encouraging and facilitating a relationship between them is a primary role of a custodial parent, and I take my legal duties as such very seriously. The nerve of me!

              Does your son want his last name changed? I think that that would be the most important thing. But that's just my opinion.

              Comment


              • #8
                He does, or I would not have considered it, as he is and has been with my maiden name for 10 years. It is getting complicated with schools, sports, extra-curricular for him to have a "legal name" and a "known as" name...and he has used my married name since he was 2.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
                  I do it because I feel my son would lose out by losing that side of his family. I certainly don't do it for myself...but encouraging and facilitating a relationship between them is a primary role of a custodial parent, and I take my legal duties as such very seriously. The nerve of me!
                  Yes but if your ex is not interested in parenting or being a part of the child's life, don't you feel that might be more damaging? There are many children that grew up not having a parent around, not knowing their other family and have turned out just fine if not better. What was your reasoning for sole?
                  I don't know your whole story or Im not here to judge
                  Last edited by tugofwar; 09-16-2010, 09:56 PM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
                    He does, or I would not have considered it, as he is and has been with my maiden name for 10 years. It is getting complicated with schools, sports, extra-curricular for him to have a "legal name" and a "known as" name...and he has used my married name since he was 2.
                    I must be missing something - Your child wants his name changed. You have the legal right to do it. You want to do it. Screw it, you gave him notification - Just go and do it.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      lol...my story...

                      I left the common-law relationship at 2 months pregnant. He wanted to abort, I did not. I have sole custody, he is not named on birth certificate as father, since he refused to sign it. His paternal grandmother, aunts and uncles have been involved in my son's life since he was about 11 months old.

                      When I went to court for custody, he argued paternity, and had a paternity test ordered...duh, results confirmed what I knew. My reason for sole was that he wanted nothing to do with his son...and didn't for over 4 more years. Since my son was five, he has gradually been increasing his access, although our court order has supervised access based on the "stranger factor". It left enough room to be reasonable about varying access terms, which I will usually agree to and go out of my way to ensure it occurs. My son has always been made aware that my husband was not his biological father in age-appropriate ways, even though he took over the role of "dad".

                      If my son had never known or met his father, I might think differently. I am now at the point of giving up on the desire to encourage their relationship, feeling it should be left for his father to contact rather than me asking son if he wants to call or visit on a regular basis (the asking). Now, I worry that an adoption would send the message that his father does not want him.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by sickentired View Post
                        I must be missing something - Your child wants his name changed. You have the legal right to do it. You want to do it. Screw it, you gave him notification - Just go and do it.
                        I plan to now...I was just trying to be fair and just. Giving him notification does not affect the process...I just wanted to let him know, and make sure that if he had objections to it we would have a chance to discuss prior to final decision...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          If he's been increasing his access with the child for the last five years then how is that being uninvolved?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I'm not sure that sole custody gives you rubber stamp like rights to changing your child's name. If the father wants to continue this action, you will have a burden.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Does he pay child support? I re-read your initial post, I thought you wanted to change name to your maiden name but you are asking him to change it to your married name.
                              I can see why he would answer the way he did.
                              Last edited by tugofwar; 09-16-2010, 10:47 PM.

                              Comment

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