where to start before i get screwed?

[patsplat]

Hi, I need to know what my first steps should be before i screw myself. I was married for 15 years, I was cheated on, physically and mentally abused. I have 3 children and finally got him to leave in may. when he left he took a few important things of his, and his car payment and one kid (which i wish was with me) I was left with alll the debt. including some joint business debts. a month after he left he quit his job and didn't pay me any support money for 4 months. He lives with his mother for free. I don't have any income right now other then my family allowance and cannot afford food let alone a lawyer . During the marriage I worked until my 2nd child contracted an infection in her eye from a sitter, leaving her basically blind in one eye. I babysat at home to bring in good money, but he got his liecence removed for drunk driving, so i had to quit babysitting and drive him around for over a year, while i drove i had 2 kids with us and I homeschooled. We later started our own business which was profitable when worked,, but he lazed out and that went under. The last 4 years of our marriage was him getting up at 3pm to play video games until 5am then i got up and took care of kids and house and did side work to pay bills.

Right now I'm so sick of the bill collectors hounding me when he just lives a happy life, he rarely see's the kids even though they are only 2-15 minutes away at any time.

On one visit his mother called my 11 year old daughter a bitch and slapped her hard across the face, I advised him the kids were no longer allowed near his home unsupervised. Should i have pressed charges? can i still.

I just want my life back, but its got so many issues i just don't know were to start.

Any help/advise would be greatly appreciated,, Thank you so much for your ears.

[reborn]

You don't want your old life back you want a NEW LIFE

I know it sounds like an old cliche but what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Find a good friend who will listen and help you get through this.

[angela]

hi.
i agree that you need to take the right steps so you wont be used/abused by him anymore. Hopefully someone can give you the legal steps you should take...in order to protect yourself.I called a lawyer regarding my husbands claim that he would quit work & I wouldnt get anything. According to the lawyer, it goes by his salary leading up to the seperation.However, if your husband isnt making money, how can he support your children??? I didnt follow through on it & I regret my decision. I am still as miserable as I was back then. Seek legal help & go about it the right way. That way, you wont get screwed out of what is rightfully yours. oh...& I agree with the other person. What doesnt kill you does make you stronger!!!! Good luck!!!!

[SANDYHILL363]

Think Of The Children, Not Granny Or Dad

Yeah, oh yeah, some grandmother that kid has got; calling her a bitchand slapping her in the face; and, what does the father think about this, or does he even think at all? why not press charges, what have you got to lose anyway? her grandmother? I don't think so;
The apple never falls far from the tree, as the old saying goes, so I suspect daddy either considers this normal behavior or just doesn't give a shit anyway. Nice family for you and your kids; I say the hell with them both, what have they done for you anyway? Got you seriously in debt while hubby sat on his arse perfecting his video skills? Sounds like a clear cut case of emotional abuse and brainwashing, however, it is a very grey area in a court of law, and I am speaking from experience here. Only when you are finally away from that a--hole and the rest of his cohorts will you be able to see how your life really truly was.
I say cut your ties, you most likely qualify for legal aid anyway, and get you and your kids away from them both; And, as far as visitation goes, why do you want your daughter near that woman anyway, supervised or not?
Start thinking clearly and think of what really matters here, the children.

Good luck,

Sandyhill

[Danno]

This will help...

Check out

http://www.divorceresourcecanada.com...alKitUltra.htm

[Jeff]

Hi Dan,

Have you purchased the kit? What do you think of it?

[danielle_438]

Be glad you are out of this marriage

Hello,
Your husband sounds like a real looser. The children should come first and you need to do whatever it takes to protect them even from their father and other abusive family members. This is sad but in the long run you will be much happier. Your sanity is more important than being with this crazy man. Good luck. Dan

[patsplat]

thanks

Thanks for all your input. The kids do come first and were not suppose to be there, but kids are kids and she did want to see her dad. The nasty old woman just happened to be there when he wasn't. I found out right away, and there was a witness, I'm not sure what i should do,, he doesn't see the kids much at all and i told him if she is around then he'd not see them period.

I'm in manitoba and have heard that here,, if you own a house you are not elligible for legal aid. I just want the whole thing over but i dont' want to lose my shirt either.

Thanks again,
Pat

[SANDYHILL363]

The Bottom Line

Okay, this is obviously becoming clear in terms of legalities, why you cannot get legal aid due to owning a house; I can certainly appreciate you needing a secure roof over your head; No argument in this aspect from me; however:
There is still some questions unclear, the first and foremost being:
What are your husband's actions that are enabling your poor child to feel there is absolutely no recourse but to seek visitation in his mother's home? Did she just go there on her own, possibly from desparation in missing her father? No matter what the marriage may be, children still need their parents;
So, what exactly happened here? Did he ignore her requests, phone calls, etc, attempt to sever all communication with her in the hopes she would give up on him, or is there a chance that miserable old hag who is supposed to be her grandmother kept the calls from him or messages? Either way, it sounds to me that she was being neglected on either is part or due to the actions of his mother; I honestly do not believe the girl would just walk over there on her own looking for him HAD HE BEEN DOING HIS PART in the communication, be it thru telephone calls daily, or weekly visits at his home, yours, or a neutral envioronment; What is the real reason here? If the reason is due to his lack of caring, then get your daughter into some counselling to deal with this separation anxiety she will be undoubtedly experience, and rightfully so, she does not understand this from a marriage stance, she is his DAUGHTER;
It seems to me, unless you can clarify, had this bum even cared enough to call his kid nightly to at least say he missed her and loved her, and was still her dad, no matter what, that poor child would have not been reduced to going to find him on her own, something she should never have been forced to feel compelled to do in the first place. Furthermore, the slap in the face from that hateful mother of his may not have transpired had he been man enough to face his daughter, independently, and in neutral territory, instead of hiding behind mommy; How do you know he wasn't really there anyway? Maybe he was upstairs hiding in the can, forcing old mom to deal with his immaturities, feeding right into it, thus enabling her to control the situation even more.
Sorry, I as a nurse have hundreds of colleagues and friends, many of us are in fact separated and/or divorced, and I can surely tell you that, if you really do love your kid and are the non custodial parent, you will do everything in this world to keep the waters still and amicable between yourself and your ex, because YOU WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR CHILD'S LIFE
So far, from what you have said, your husband does not seem to care one bit.
Enlighten us with some more info so we can really help you.

SANDY

[baclayton]

Hi Dan,

Have you purchased the kit? What do you think of it?

What kit??

[billm]

Okay, this is obviously becoming clear in terms of legalities, why you cannot get legal aid due to owning a house; I can certainly appreciate you needing a secure roof over your head; No argument in this aspect from me; however:
There is still some questions unclear, the first and foremost being:
What are your husband's actions that are enabling your poor child to feel there is absolutely no recourse but to seek visitation in his mother's home? Did she just go there on her own, possibly from desparation in missing her father? No matter what the marriage may be, children still need their parents;
So, what exactly happened here? Did he ignore her requests, phone calls, etc, attempt to sever all communication with her in the hopes she would give up on him, or is there a chance that miserable old hag who is supposed to be her grandmother kept the calls from him or messages? Either way, it sounds to me that she was being neglected on either is part or due to the actions of his mother; I honestly do not believe the girl would just walk over there on her own looking for him HAD HE BEEN DOING HIS PART in the communication, be it thru telephone calls daily, or weekly visits at his home, yours, or a neutral envioronment; What is the real reason here? If the reason is due to his lack of caring, then get your daughter into some counselling to deal with this separation anxiety she will be undoubtedly experience, and rightfully so, she does not understand this from a marriage stance, she is his DAUGHTER;
It seems to me, unless you can clarify, had this bum even cared enough to call his kid nightly to at least say he missed her and loved her, and was still her dad, no matter what, that poor child would have not been reduced to going to find him on her own, something she should never have been forced to feel compelled to do in the first place. Furthermore, the slap in the face from that hateful mother of his may not have transpired had he been man enough to face his daughter, independently, and in neutral territory, instead of hiding behind mommy; How do you know he wasn't really there anyway? Maybe he was upstairs hiding in the can, forcing old mom to deal with his immaturities, feeding right into it, thus enabling her to control the situation even more.
Sorry, I as a nurse have hundreds of colleagues and friends, many of us are in fact separated and/or divorced, and I can surely tell you that, if you really do love your kid and are the non custodial parent, you will do everything in this world to keep the waters still and amicable between yourself and your ex, because YOU WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR CHILD'S LIFE
So far, from what you have said, your husband does not seem to care one bit.
Enlighten us with some more info so we can really help you.

SANDY

Holy crap, I'm speechless - anyone else know what I mean?

[dinkyface]

Sorry, I as a nurse have hundreds of colleagues and friends, many of us are in fact separated and/or divorced, and I can surely tell you that, if you really do love your kid and are the non custodial parent, you will do everything in this world to keep the waters still and amicable between yourself and your ex, because YOU WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR CHILD'S LIFE

OMG - that's a telling statement on the abuse of power that CP's can get away with, huh!

[blinkandimgone]

I'm speechless too....that people are replying to a 6 year old thread.

[dinkyface]

LOL! (or at least, LQTMS)

[blinkandimgone]

Then technically you're *ssts*.