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NEED HELP - NEW TO THIS - Husband's lawyer threatening court proceedings

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  • NEED HELP - NEW TO THIS - Husband's lawyer threatening court proceedings

    Please help me - less than 2 months ago husband sends a text that he is done. No prior counseling or indication (guess, most cases happen like this?!). Since, all has been spiraling out of control. about 3 weeks after announcement I received a note from mediator that he wants to mediate without discussing with me. I asked for time to even comprehend what is going on, but he keeps on forcing that an agreement needs to be signed right away so that he can leave the home. I proposed counter mediator, but he never responded whether he agrees (so no mediation took place). Instead I received a letter from his lawyer that as the issues are straightforward it would be more cost effective to proceed with separation agreement (small kids and property are involved).
    There is a massive financial form attached to the letter that I don't understand and I have a week to respond otherwise they will proceed in court for full indemnity (whatever that means).
    WHAT DO I DO?? Can I write back and ask form more time? I don't even have a lawyer (I spoke to a couple but they only seem to talk during a meeting to get more money from me - do you know a good honest lawyer?), I continue to work full time and take care of the kids (he's checked out, even through sleeps in the home most days). Is it me or is it normal that all of this is moving so fast? 2 months ago I believed I was happily married.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Pepi View Post
    Please help me - less than 2 months ago husband sends a text that he is done. No prior counseling or indication (guess, most cases happen like this?!). Since, all has been spiraling out of control. about 3 weeks after announcement I received a note from mediator that he wants to mediate without discussing with me. I asked for time to even comprehend what is going on, but he keeps on forcing that an agreement needs to be signed right away so that he can leave the home. I proposed counter mediator, but he never responded whether he agrees (so no mediation took place). Instead I received a letter from his lawyer that as the issues are straightforward it would be more cost effective to proceed with separation agreement (small kids and property are involved).
    There is a massive financial form attached to the letter that I don't understand and I have a week to respond otherwise they will proceed in court for full indemnity (whatever that means).
    WHAT DO I DO?? Can I write back and ask form more time? I don't even have a lawyer (I spoke to a couple but they only seem to talk during a meeting to get more money from me - do you know a good honest lawyer?), I continue to work full time and take care of the kids (he's checked out, even through sleeps in the home most days). Is it me or is it normal that all of this is moving so fast? 2 months ago I believed I was happily married.
    yup you're getting sued. it's going to be the best next 5 years of your life.

    welcome to the infamous canadian family legal system.

    is it a financial statement that is attached?

    no need to respond without legal advice.

    they need to properly serve you and you'll have 30 days to respond once served with couet documents.

    I'd look for a very very good lawyer immediately if i were you

    Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you for responding.

      It is form 13.1 and I received it and the letter by email - is that proper serving?

      what if I respond in time? does that still mean going to court?

      what lawyer would be best - collaborative law or litigation?

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Pepi View Post
        Thank you for responding.

        It is form 13.1 and I received it and the letter by email - is that proper serving?

        what if I respond in time? does that still mean going to court?

        what lawyer would be best - collaborative law or litigation?
        yup thats a financial statement.

        collaborative lawyer cant goto court. they do go to court but if you're both in collaborative process than neither lawyery go to court. you have to get new lawyers if that happens
        .

        get a lawyer who will go to court.

        act fast but don't hire a shity lawyer or a lawyer who you don't like or get odd vibes from.
        you'll regret it. get a polite respectful lawyer that listens cares and treats you with respect. the more experience the better.

        you don't need to give them a financial statement until you've had independent legal advice. you can start drafting it.

        Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

        Comment


        • #5
          Thanks for these tips, Tapatalk. Much appreciated.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Pepi View Post
            Please help me - less than 2 months ago husband sends a text that he is done. No prior counseling or indication (guess, most cases happen like this?!). Since, all has been spiraling out of control. about 3 weeks after announcement I received a note from mediator that he wants to mediate without discussing with me. I asked for time to even comprehend what is going on, but he keeps on forcing that an agreement needs to be signed right away so that he can leave the home. I proposed counter mediator, but he never responded whether he agrees (so no mediation took place). Instead I received a letter from his lawyer that as the issues are straightforward it would be more cost effective to proceed with separation agreement (small kids and property are involved).
            There is a massive financial form attached to the letter that I don't understand and I have a week to respond otherwise they will proceed in court for full indemnity (whatever that means).
            WHAT DO I DO?? Can I write back and ask form more time? I don't even have a lawyer (I spoke to a couple but they only seem to talk during a meeting to get more money from me - do you know a good honest lawyer?), I continue to work full time and take care of the kids (he's checked out, even through sleeps in the home most days). Is it me or is it normal that all of this is moving so fast? 2 months ago I believed I was happily married.
            Your husband knows that if he were to move out the courts would likely give you exclusive possession of the matrimonial home (which I hope you do go for by the way considering children are involved).

            You do need to speak to a lawyer as soon as possible. At the very least, go to your local courthouse and find out where the "Family Law Centre" is and see if you can speak to a lawyer there.

            Make sure that you protect yourself physically and financially. You might find that your husband has emptied the bank accounts. If that is the case then your lawyer will need to get into the courtroom in front of a judge as soon as possible and obtain an Interim Order. See if you can get an Interim Order for 1) exclusive possession of the matrimonial home, 2) immediate child and spousal support, 3) order that the mortgage and household bills are paid.

            DO NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM YOUR EX'S LAWYER. This is very, very important. You have rights and you have the right to legal representation.

            Get your hands on as much money as you can right now. You will need money to pay a lawyer a "retainer" which is a deposit for future legal work he will do for you. This can be anywhere in the range of $5,000.00 just to get that Interim Order.

            Good luck.... don't panic.... protect yourself.

            Comment


            • #7
              First of all take a deep breath. Don't let their threats bother you. There is absolutely NO hurry. I'm entering my 6th year of family court with not one single issue settled!
              If you are working full time perhaps you can speak to an EAP lawyer for a free consultation.
              Don't worry if you have to go to your first court appearance without a lawyer. Simply ask the duty lawyer at court to ask the judge for an adjournment until you can retain a lawyer. You WILL be given an adjournment.
              Keep in mind that family court is like a chess game. Educate yourself on family law. This forum is an excellent resource to start.

              Be aware that lawyers will give you an hourly rate , ask for a retainer ( lets say $5000) and never tell you that court can cost you your life savings in legal fees and you still end up with nothing .
              Educate yourself in case you have to go self rep.
              Surround yourself with a good support group and take good care of your health. You are entering the realm of hell on earth. Do not expect that you or your children will be treated fairly or with respect by the family court system. It is war. Grow a thick skin, exercise , eat well and take really good care of yourself.

              Comment


              • #8
                I am so thankful for this forum and to all of you. You have guessed right - I am hyperventilating, all of this is surreal - what brings out so much evil and ugliness in people - our closest people???

                is there a difference if you pay lawyers by the hour or on retainer?

                am I understanding correct that there are no longer options for some kind of negotiation and basically my husband has started a litigation?

                Comment


                • #9
                  At any stage in litigation you can negotiate and come to an agreement. Only a small percentage ( 5%) of litigants actually go all the way to trial. Most people settle long before that. However, be prepared for unimaginable hell if you are one of the unlucky few.
                  I told my first lawyer we would be going to trial because my STBX is mentally ill and can not be reasoned with which is why I left him in the first place.

                  If your ex is relatively sane and doesn't want to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on lawyers fees you may settle early.... just be forwarded.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    A retainer is a deposit. The money is put into a trust fund at the lawyer's office. The lawyer bills you hourly for the work he does and "draws" upon the retainer that you have provided. It is very important to request a detailed monthly billing from your lawyer so you can keep an eye on how much everything is costing you (phone calls, for example, to your lawyer can be expensive). Best thing to do is be very well prepared when you meet with your lawyer. You can get lots of advice on this forum.

                    Gather all of your documents and keep them in a safe place (not in your home). You should also very quickly get financial things (bank statements and tax returns for both you and your husband if you can). Remember - "cash is king" - always have a stash of cash somewhere you can get access to in case of emergency.

                    Tomorrow check out if your husband has cut off your credit cards or closed down any accounts.

                    The first thing my lawyer told me was to get my hands on as much money as possible. Boy did I regret not taking his advice. My ex removed all of our money and hid it with g/f and family members. I had to borrow large sums of money from friends. It wasn't pleasant.

                    If there is money in the bank I'd remove it. Keep track of it and do not go on a spending spree. Everything you do from here on in you will be accountable for. You can put your money in a new bank account. Just make sure you have access to it.

                    Your ex has likely been coached by his lawyer on many things. To get an idea of this you should read over the list of things that 'all men need to know' in separation. I don't recall the name of it but "The List" is on this forum somewhere. Study it well... you will get an idea of the twisted way in which your ex's lawyer MAY propel your ex. The more the two of you are at war the more money the lawyers make. Don't ever forget that.

                    Mediation sucks IMO. It's extremely expensive.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Pepi View Post
                      I received a note from mediator that he wants to mediate without discussing with me.
                      Mediation is voluntary, and refusing to mediate will not be held against you.

                      I asked for time to even comprehend what is going on, but he keeps on forcing that an agreement needs to be signed right away so that he can leave the home.
                      If he leaves the home without an agreement, he will lose the kids and the house. He has clearly been given legal advice to that effect.

                      Are you in a rush? Doesn't sound like it... so take your time.

                      Instead I received a letter from his lawyer that as the issues are straightforward it would be more cost effective to proceed with separation agreement (small kids and property are involved).
                      With small kids, nothing is straightforward. Also, as Arabian said, don't take advice from your ex's lawyer.

                      There is a massive financial form attached to the letter that I don't understand and I have a week to respond otherwise they will proceed in court for full indemnity (whatever that means).
                      It is the first of many threats. Do not listen to threats from your ex's lawyer. You have time. Likely months.

                      Can I write back and ask form more time?
                      Offhand, I would not respond to the other lawyer yet. Spend some time on this site, get an understanding of how family law works. As I said, there is no rush.

                      Has your husband given you his financial disclosure? There is no need to be first. Get his disclosure, and that should help you fill out your form.

                      Is it me or is it normal that all of this is moving so fast? 2 months ago I believed I was happily married.
                      He is trying to move it fast. He has been planning this for months.

                      There is no rush.

                      Breathe.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        The advice you've received so far is largely good, I just want to add one addendum:

                        - Gather as many financial records as you can. Make copies of statements. Financial records have a way of 'disappearing' and depending on the issues in your case a single statement with a transfer record can be worth its weight in gold. It costs you nothing to have a full picture of your financial situation, do not trust you ex to provide you with all the information you will need.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I can't add much to the good advice you've already received, except to underline the importance of not feeling rushed or panicked. He wants you to sign an agreement right away for his benefit, not yours. Do not sign anything that has not been explained to you by a lawyer whom you are paying. If he pushes, just keep telling him that you are in the process of retaining counsel and will let him know when you are ready to discuss it.

                          Your husband has not started litigation unless you have received a document from him that says "you are being served". Collaborative proceedings are one alternative to litigation but they can get deadlocked. Binding arbitration is another alternative (better in my view). In all likelihood, you will not end up in court - most people negotiate a settlement on their own, with the assistance of lawyers.

                          This could get pretty expensive - so now is the time to approach your bank about a line of credit in your name, check with family members to see if you could borrow money if you have to, etc.

                          This is an incredibly stressful time, and your husband and his lawyer have an interest in making it more stressful in the hope that you'll just agree with whatever they propose. Always remember that you have the right to take time to think about things.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Thank you all again. I did as you said, gathered all financial docs that I could find, now sifting through them.
                            But also spoke to a lawyer, he also said that these are scare tactics. Of course nothing is resolved, but able to breathe.

                            One of many questions that I am struggling with - does he really want to share the kids because he really loves them or because of the financial implications otherwise? He is hardly around and even when around not really engaged with them.
                            From what I have heard unless he is certifiably abusive, it is basically impossible to get full custody/access. But is it really in the best interest of the kids to be shipped back and forth and spend time with a dad that is not engaged?

                            Or will he change and become a better dad when he has gotten rid of me? (I guess this is rhetorical)

                            Do you know whether people have been successful in securing full custody or full access if there is nothing certifiably wrong???

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Looking at your very first post you gave me the impression that your husband's decision to end the marriage came to a surprise to you (correct me if I'm wrong please). With this in mind I have to say that if, up until your husband told you it was over, did you not consider him to be a good father for his children? Think about this very, very carefully.

                              Of course everything comes down to money. This doesn't mean your husband doesn't love his children. This means that his lawyer has pointed out (correctly) to him the "reality" of his situation financially in the future. It doesn't take a leap to imagine your husband is now in a new relationship and possibly looking at supporting a new family. This all costs money. He is trying to figure out how he is going to afford his new lifestyle.

                              You have to put the children's best interests first. If you don't the court will do it for you. It's that simple. The courts do not care the reason(s) for the breakdown of your marriage as we live in a no-fault divorce country.

                              Your husband may not have been involved much (from your perspective) with the children. He may think that he was very much involved with the children. If you can't come to a compromise at some point, you and your husband will spend much money with lawyers trying to prove who is the better parent.

                              I reiterate that, taken from the information of your first post, that you and your husband got along just fine prior to his telling you decision to end the relationship. I agree with previous poster that he was likely planning this for many months.

                              I am pleased that you have met with a lawyer. Now, do yourself a favor and retain the lawyer and work out a settlement agreement that is fair and where hopefully both parents raise the children... just live in separate residences.

                              Comment

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