I swear - if all of us 'generous, kind, and loving abuse survivors' got organized - we could rule the world! lol!
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Keeping sane through it all?
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Originally posted by Janibel View PostSo true! whenever I think of the STBX I feel physically and spiritually ill. The antidote is time, time and yet more time. I am looking forward to the day when he will no longer have any real impact on my well-being.
The tears will dry, the bruises will heal, the heart will mend itself ... all in good time.
What I had to focus on was that I was i the middle of a process. At the end of the process would be a divorce and hopefully the end of conflict. So I sought to balance out fairness with the need for peace. I let some things go. I stopped trying to "win" every battle. I conceded thousands but gained some peace and sanity.
I focussed on my kids, my job, and put my toe into the dating pool (which I don't recommend doing early on). I re-engaged with old friends, got more involved with my hobbies (music and photography).
It all helps. It isn't easy.
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Originally posted by DowntroddenDad View PostI thought I was able to put it behind me, and I was successful until fights over the SA and sale of the house pushed some of my ex's issues right back to the foreground.
My therapist explained that this is a 'normal' process - time will heal these feelings. It's important to not attempt to keep these thoughts from occurring but rather to live through them. Eventually, they lose their impact on us. (desensitization)
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Originally posted by DowntroddenDad View PostI thought I was able to put it behind me, and I was successful until fights over the SA and sale of the house pushed some of my ex's issues right back to the foreground.
What I had to focus on was that I was i the middle of a process. At the end of the process would be a divorce and hopefully the end of conflict. So I sought to balance out fairness with the need for peace. I let some things go. I stopped trying to "win" every battle. I conceded thousands but gained some peace and sanity.
I focussed on my kids, my job, and put my toe into the dating pool (which I don't recommend doing early on). I re-engaged with old friends, got more involved with my hobbies (music and photography).
It all helps. It isn't easy.
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I follow Shad Helmstetter on Facebook and this post helped today. Especially since husband's ex insists on a weekly barrage of emails.
TODAY'S SELF-TALK --"Problems don't bother me. That's just life, and everyone goes through it. So I deal with the problems, do what I have to do to solve them and get past them, look forward, smile, and move on. My life is not about problems . . . my life is about the opportunities that are in front of me."
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Originally posted by lulubuttons View PostEspecially since husband's ex insists on a weekly barrage of emails.
That's something I am so grateful for - My STBX is computer illiterate and there's no chance of that ever changing in the future. Good thing too as I am certain he would give new meaning to the word TROLL!
As annoying as constant e-mails from the Ex must be, they could be useful as a 'paper trail' in cases where abusive behavior is an issue.
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Originally posted by Qrious View Post"The Secret" message for today:
"Be grateful for what you already have and you will attract more good things."
''Resilience is rooted in a tenacity of spirit--a determination to embrace all that makes life worth living even in the face of overwhelming odds. When we have a clear sense of identity and purpose, we are more resilient, because we can hold fast to our vision of a better future''.
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oh my .....
So, I split with my ex in 2011 .... we tried to reconcile because I had the "what if" scenario .... counselling didn't work AGAIN .... so we split AGAIN, this time for good. My adult kids were angry with me for leaving - even though they know he cheated on me for 25+ years .... I never quit .... fast forward to today ....
I met a wonderful man and we are engaged
I became a grandmother to 2 beautiful twin girls
I have great relationships with both my kids
My son got married this summer / my daughter is getting married this Fall
My ex and I mediated and settled and I just filed my final divorce papers
My ex has also found someone .... he is generally an unhappy negative man. He has poor relationships with our kids. They finally see him for who he really is. Which is sad. My daughter feels like her father is gone. My son has just given up having any expectations.
My life is GREAT! My friends told me it would be! I stayed true to myself and you should do the same. It really does all work out in the end!
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