Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Keeping sane through it all?

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #31
    I swear - if all of us 'generous, kind, and loving abuse survivors' got organized - we could rule the world! lol!

    Comment


    • #32
      Originally posted by Janibel View Post
      So true! whenever I think of the STBX I feel physically and spiritually ill. The antidote is time, time and yet more time. I am looking forward to the day when he will no longer have any real impact on my well-being.

      The tears will dry, the bruises will heal, the heart will mend itself ... all in good time.
      I thought I was able to put it behind me, and I was successful until fights over the SA and sale of the house pushed some of my ex's issues right back to the foreground.

      What I had to focus on was that I was i the middle of a process. At the end of the process would be a divorce and hopefully the end of conflict. So I sought to balance out fairness with the need for peace. I let some things go. I stopped trying to "win" every battle. I conceded thousands but gained some peace and sanity.

      I focussed on my kids, my job, and put my toe into the dating pool (which I don't recommend doing early on). I re-engaged with old friends, got more involved with my hobbies (music and photography).

      It all helps. It isn't easy.

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
        I thought I was able to put it behind me, and I was successful until fights over the SA and sale of the house pushed some of my ex's issues right back to the foreground.
        Yes, I see the same pattern in myself. I think I'm doing alright, then something comes up and re-awakens the memories. I get emotional and the sadness hits me like a tidal wave. (just don't let it happen in court, you need your wits about you).

        My therapist explained that this is a 'normal' process - time will heal these feelings. It's important to not attempt to keep these thoughts from occurring but rather to live through them. Eventually, they lose their impact on us. (desensitization)

        Comment


        • #34
          Originally posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
          I thought I was able to put it behind me, and I was successful until fights over the SA and sale of the house pushed some of my ex's issues right back to the foreground.

          What I had to focus on was that I was i the middle of a process. At the end of the process would be a divorce and hopefully the end of conflict. So I sought to balance out fairness with the need for peace. I let some things go. I stopped trying to "win" every battle. I conceded thousands but gained some peace and sanity.

          I focussed on my kids, my job, and put my toe into the dating pool (which I don't recommend doing early on). I re-engaged with old friends, got more involved with my hobbies (music and photography).

          It all helps. It isn't easy.
          Sooooo true!

          Comment


          • #35
            I follow Shad Helmstetter on Facebook and this post helped today. Especially since husband's ex insists on a weekly barrage of emails.

            TODAY'S SELF-TALK --"Problems don't bother me. That's just life, and everyone goes through it. So I deal with the problems, do what I have to do to solve them and get past them, look forward, smile, and move on. My life is not about problems . . . my life is about the opportunities that are in front of me."

            Comment


            • #36
              Originally posted by lulubuttons View Post
              Especially since husband's ex insists on a weekly barrage of emails.

              That's something I am so grateful for - My STBX is computer illiterate and there's no chance of that ever changing in the future. Good thing too as I am certain he would give new meaning to the word TROLL!

              As annoying as constant e-mails from the Ex must be, they could be useful as a 'paper trail' in cases where abusive behavior is an issue.

              Comment


              • #37
                and this pain just won't go away, no matter what...

                Comment


                • #38
                  "The Secret" message for today:
                  "Gratitude is a powerful process for shifting your energy and bringing more of what you want into your life. Be grateful for what you already have and you will attract more good things."

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Qrious View Post
                    "The Secret" message for today:
                    "Be grateful for what you already have and you will attract more good things."
                    Absolutely! For all the anxiety, fear and aggravation associated with the process of separating/divorcing, I know that 'eventually' life will get better.

                    ''Resilience is rooted in a tenacity of spirit--a determination to embrace all that makes life worth living even in the face of overwhelming odds. When we have a clear sense of identity and purpose, we are more resilient, because we can hold fast to our vision of a better future''.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Mother View Post
                      and this pain just won't go away, no matter what...
                      Not now, but it will .... in time.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        oh my .....

                        So, I split with my ex in 2011 .... we tried to reconcile because I had the "what if" scenario .... counselling didn't work AGAIN .... so we split AGAIN, this time for good. My adult kids were angry with me for leaving - even though they know he cheated on me for 25+ years .... I never quit .... fast forward to today ....

                        I met a wonderful man and we are engaged
                        I became a grandmother to 2 beautiful twin girls
                        I have great relationships with both my kids
                        My son got married this summer / my daughter is getting married this Fall
                        My ex and I mediated and settled and I just filed my final divorce papers

                        My ex has also found someone .... he is generally an unhappy negative man. He has poor relationships with our kids. They finally see him for who he really is. Which is sad. My daughter feels like her father is gone. My son has just given up having any expectations.

                        My life is GREAT! My friends told me it would be! I stayed true to myself and you should do the same. It really does all work out in the end!

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Happy to see that there is life after divorce!

                          If you don't mind telling me, how long did it take to get things sorted out?

                          Comment

                          Our Divorce Forums
                          Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                          Working...
                          X