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  • #16
    Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
    Yes, it has been suggested my ex is abusive towards me. Gaslighting, manipulating, and saying things to try to get her way, only to later re-neg.
    I'm not a psychologist and BPD/NPD may not be present but in line with the other suggestions you have received, you may want to buy this book and give it a read. It will help you understand a few things... and help you maintain your sanity.

    https://www.amazon.ca/Stop-Caretakin...1569362&sr=8-1

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    • #17
      Read a few pages into that book. Oh Boy!!! Some stuff just jumps off the page. My ex never cut the embilical cord from her mom. And mom is all too happy to cater to her adult daughter. Even still pays her bills, car payments, insurance, etc. If ever money is short, mom comes to the rescue. When I was in a relationship with her, it was all about attending to "her" needs. I think she even said a number of times she is looking for someone to "take care of her".

      Now that she brought me to court, and through the ringer, I had to sell the home and liquidate assets to pay for legal fees, to defend myself in the process SHE started. Now that its over, I don't own a home and don't have money in the bank account. Therefore, and as such, I am not seen as desirable to her, as I cannot offer anything other than my love. Sure we can rebuild, but she doesn't want to. What she will do is find someone else, who has assets, and mooch/leach off of him, until she financially ruins him too.

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      • #18
        Don't give up on your future.. go through the book. Other sections will also shed a lot of light. You'll also understand why you did what you did. It will take you a few months to truly grasp what the hell happened in your life.

        I'm happy it could help. That book pretty much saved me, and a bunch of other people.

        Feel free to send me a direct message of you want recommendations of other books because from what I read here there's a lot "there aren't many BPD/NPD out there, don't think that your ex is like his because she acts vindicative". Only the ones that have been through this can truly understand how damaging it is. For others, they simply cannot grasp it.

        On a darker note: I know that many say "50-50 is the way to go, a kids needs both parents" and I was like this at the beginning, but if it truly is BPD/NPD, that can causes serious damage to the kids so think carefully.

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        • #19
          The family law system is horrendous. It tears families apart by using a civil litigation model that is adversarial and lawyers act like they are in LA Law. Common Law with precedent is the worst possible method of jurisprudence for family law. No-one ever wins except lawyers.

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