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Can the opposite withhold a divorce?

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  • Can the opposite withhold a divorce?

    I have to ask this: Can my ex withhold the divorce. She's been doing a great job of prolonging it for whatever reason. We settled property, pension, CS & SS. there's nothing to fight over and I am on my 2nd lawyer. All the issues mentioned were done before we got into the lawyers having the original separation agreement notorized. My new lawyer is very good. He told me originally 5-7 hrs tops to finalize. I'm now into him at about 11-13hrs and still waiting. He's putting the final touches on the final agreement concerning incomes because she is going to make more this year. She deliberately took 8-10 weeks off last year to bring her income down. My income has dropped off 20K because of less overtime and I'm moving off midnights cutting my income yearly of 10% shift premium. 15 years is enough. Back to days. She has been playing games with her demands. I have agreed to everything just to get rid of her but she always finds something else. She has even asked for my tax break for the money I contribute to my sons education. My lawyer said she's extremely greedy and selfish. I just said give it to her and get this over with. When she reads the revisions concerning the yearly incomes to be changed she will refuse. My lawyer wants his day in court with her. Thats the way i ser it. We have a material change clause written so it shouldn't be an issue. She has
    a decent income. Really! How long can this drag out for god sakes. I hate this ball & chain financial nightmare. All I want is some kind of fairness and be rid of her for good.

  • #2
    Property, pension, CS & SS are settled, and you say you have a notarized agreement?

    If this were me I would drop it, I would file for divorce myself for a couple of hundred dollars and serve her.

    I wouldn't give in on stuff just to get it over with, I would be of the understanding that it WAS over with.

    You are actually participating in extending the process by allowing her to believe that if she comes up with more demands, you will then give in to get it over with.

    Once you do, you have trained her like circus dog to keep repeating the trick. If you want to stop the cycle, you need to break your own training. You rationalize it that you don't care, and true, maybe you don't care about the money. But you care about the process. If you want that process to be over, you have to be in control of it. Right now you are not. You aren't controlling your lawyer and you certainly aren't controlling the negotiations or your ex's expectations.

    She doesn't give a crap about your tax break. She just wants one more thing to go after you for. If wasn't that it would be something else. Once she has that, it will be something else.

    If you want it to end, you have set a personal boundary with her and a professional boundary with your lawyer, and then declare it over.

    Just say no. She wouldn't get your tax break in court, it would be absurd. She won't take you to court, she will lose. Ignore her demands, don't respond to her letters. Tell your lawyer to send a letter to hers stating that he will no longer accept service or communications. Cut her off from this, it has become an addiction with her.

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    • #3
      Thank you for your advice. If I ignore her and cut off all communication, how does my lawyer get a divorce? I'm thinking this is going to end up in a court room. I'm also thinking of cutting off her SS. Is that a good idea? I'll continue CS. I need something to motivate her to end this. Keep in mind she & my 21 year old make $18/hr each full time. She lives mortgage free, her vehicle is paid(i paid it off part of settlement) The lawyers are finding ways to make money on a case where there's nothing to fight over. It's exhausting. I can't communicate with her because she's nuts! I'm not experienced but learning allot here. Any extra advice or guidance is appreciated.

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      • #4
        I would like this to go to court just for the sheer justice. I've never left this woman high and dry ever. There is so much unfairness in this process. It maybe worth the extra $3000 for my lawyer to go at her because of her stupidity and greed for no reason because she's bitter and hateful.

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        • #5
          It will cost you alot more than $3,000.00 my friend.

          Take the advice Mess has offered.

          Some people have a hard time letting go and use court as a sicko means of staying in touch with each other. Examine your own motives. "Getting even" while might make you feel better for a nanosecond will only fuel the fire. Find another way to deal with the emotional aspects of ending your marriage. Take up a new sport/interest - way cheaper.

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          • #6
            Arabian: first off, I'm not trying to get back at my ex-wife. I just want it over and done with. I have a new life and a wonderful woman I consider my best friend. I let go a loooong time ago my friend, a long time ago. I also have no emotional attachments to her whatsoever. I just want to get rid of her the best way possible. I've given everything she wants which I shouldnt have in the 1st place. I'm not no more! I am taking some of mess's advice.
            To answer your last statement; I'm into bodybuilding/fitness, hockey and travel with my fiancé.

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