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  • #16
    Originally posted by ensorcelled View Post
    It's once they have kids that high income earning women drop out substantially out of the work force (or lean back).

    Point being, my son will probably be out-earning his partner. As long as women think it is reasonable to "lean back", men should be avoiding marriage.


    I would have loved to "lean back". It's nice for women that they get the option of leaning back, not so nice for the men who are married to them and subsequently divorced.


    2- Again, no. Men who are married make more money than men who are not.
    The proper comparison is between divorced and single men, with appropriate controls for socio-economic factors.



    Of course married people tend to do better than unmarried people. Is a study actually needed to confirm the obvious?



    3-I would encourage my hypothetical daughter to work as hard as she can, keep her skills as relevant as possible, keep a foot in the workforce when she decides to have children and not to bank on a man's money in any context (he could die, he could lose his job, or end up being Charlie Rose).
    What does any of this have to do with marriage? The question was, should women get married? Since marriage only helps women, then the answer is that yes they should. This is true regardless of whether they "lean back" or keep going. At worst, marriage is neutral for women.

    Actively telling your daughters to 'marry up' reinforces sexist tropes we are trying (desperately) to overcome, on this forum and elsewhere.
    Hopefully my daughters will be independent. However, they risk nothing by marrying, so they might as well.


    My son, on the other hand, risks a lot by marrying, therefore he should not.


    Most women on this forum would happily remarry. (The couple who wouldn't will likely chirp up now but that's not conclusive). There's a reason for that. Women can have a shitty relationship, but the crappy part comes from the relationship, not the marriage.


    To reiterate, yet again.


    The MARRIAGE part of marriage is bad for men. It creates obligations for men, and rights for women. It is likely good for men to be in a relationship, but the marriage part of the relationship is not a good thing.


    Of course, we all know this is true. That's why women are so keen to marry, and men are labeled as phobic of commitment. Deep down, women know that marriage is an awesome deal, legally speaking. Deep down, men know that marriage sucks for them, legally speaking.


    Women should insist on marriage. Just like I insisted on a contract at my place of employment. The contract mostly helps me, not my employer. The marriage contract mostly helps women, not men. If my son can get out of signing such a one-way contract, good for him! If my daughters choose not to take advantage of this one-way contract, that's a mistake.


    For women, there is a strong case for marriage. For men, there is a strong case to avoid marriage, if the woman will allow it. When men start receiving substantial levels of spousal support, we'll revisit the topic.

    Comment


    • #17
      This is like the tomato company encouraging you to eat ketchup. She's a divorce lawyer in Quebec. Without marriage there is no alimony here. Nobody other than immigrants gets married in Quebec, it's considered lunacy.

      The number one factor indicating a man's marriageability is income everything else is a corollary of that.

      Comment


      • #18
        If my son ever talks about getting married this is what I will tell him what Janus wrote:

        "The MARRIAGE part of marriage is bad for men. It creates obligations for men, and rights for women. It is likely good for men to be in a relationship, but the marriage part of the relationship is not a good thing."

        As the average man, marriage is the #1 financial risk you can take in your life. You're committed to take care of someone who can leave at any time, for any reason, and you will have to pay. The amount you have to pay only increases with time until it becomes "indefinite". Having kids, which is likely to happen, only increases the financial risk. Your chances are loosing is about 50%. It's financial Russian Roulette with bullets in 3 chambers.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by ifonlyihadknown View Post
          If my son ever talks about getting married this is what I will tell him what Janus wrote:

          "The MARRIAGE part of marriage is bad for men. It creates obligations for men, and rights for women. It is likely good for men to be in a relationship, but the marriage part of the relationship is not a good thing."

          As the average man, marriage is the #1 financial risk you can take in your life. You're committed to take care of someone who can leave at any time, for any reason, and you will have to pay. The amount you have to pay only increases with time until it becomes "indefinite". Having kids, which is likely to happen, only increases the financial risk. Your chances are loosing is about 50%. It's financial Russian Roulette with bullets in 3 chambers.
          This was debunked upthread. Men overwhelmingly make out better in divorce than women do - especially over a long stretch of time. They are more likely to remarry (so added income) and spousal support is almost non-exsistent over long term anymore. Child support is minimal, especially in 50% care giving.
          On top of that, men who marry and stay married live longer, have more frequent sex, have healthy social circles and long-term friendships and (this is the BEST) are more likely to cheat and NOT have their partners leave them.
          It really is a man's world...

          I obviously don't know the specifics of your case, but as a woman paying child support to her Ex (along with all the extracurriculars and S 7 stuff), I would do it again with the right person, but consider how badly I got it wrong the first time it should be no surprise that I am hesitant!

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by Links17 View Post
            This is like the tomato company encouraging you to eat ketchup. She's a divorce lawyer in Quebec. Without marriage there is no alimony here. Nobody other than immigrants gets married in Quebec, it's considered lunacy.

            The number one factor indicating a man's marriageability is income everything else is a corollary of that.
            She addresses this in the interview. Did you listen?

            She's now doing a Judge Judy type show in Québec and isn't doing much bread and butter divorces in her office anymore.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Janus View Post
              Point being, my son will probably be out-earning his partner. As long as women think it is reasonable to "lean back", men should be avoiding marriage.


              I would have loved to "lean back". It's nice for women that they get the option of leaning back, not so nice for the men who are married to them and subsequently divorced.



              The proper comparison is between divorced and single men, with appropriate controls for socio-economic factors.



              Of course married people tend to do better than unmarried people. Is a study actually needed to confirm the obvious?



              What does any of this have to do with marriage? The question was, should women get married? Since marriage only helps women, then the answer is that yes they should. This is true regardless of whether they "lean back" or keep going. At worst, marriage is neutral for women.

              Hopefully my daughters will be independent. However, they risk nothing by marrying, so they might as well.


              My son, on the other hand, risks a lot by marrying, therefore he should not.


              Most women on this forum would happily remarry. (The couple who wouldn't will likely chirp up now but that's not conclusive). There's a reason for that. Women can have a shitty relationship, but the crappy part comes from the relationship, not the marriage.


              To reiterate, yet again.


              The MARRIAGE part of marriage is bad for men. It creates obligations for men, and rights for women. It is likely good for men to be in a relationship, but the marriage part of the relationship is not a good thing.


              Of course, we all know this is true. That's why women are so keen to marry, and men are labeled as phobic of commitment. Deep down, women know that marriage is an awesome deal, legally speaking. Deep down, men know that marriage sucks for them, legally speaking.


              Women should insist on marriage. Just like I insisted on a contract at my place of employment. The contract mostly helps me, not my employer. The marriage contract mostly helps women, not men. If my son can get out of signing such a one-way contract, good for him! If my daughters choose not to take advantage of this one-way contract, that's a mistake.


              For women, there is a strong case for marriage. For men, there is a strong case to avoid marriage, if the woman will allow it. When men start receiving substantial levels of spousal support, we'll revisit the topic.


              1-Women have to 'lean back' when they have kids. It takes almost 6 months to physically recover from childbirth and (as far as I can tell), can only breastfeed. Sure, you can pump but pumping drastically reduces your supply so nyet for most mere mortals who aren't equipped with offices and private pumping rooms.
              Most women in Canada return to the workforce after maternity leave (which men are welcome to share in).

              2-Women who stay married do worse health-wise long-term than men.

              3-Men make more money who are married than men who are single. Marriage is the variable here. When you are married, you do better as a man in terms of health and income.

              Men who are married with kids make more money than men who do not.

              Women -OVERWHELMINGLY- make less money in Scandinavian countries and beyond after they have kids. The same for Canada. Marriage and children create huge penalties for women.

              Men are twice as likely to get remarried than women.

              So here are the FACTS:

              Marriage doesn't help women (and never has).

              Men do better in terms of income, health and job prospects when they marry. They do so well they are twice as likely to remarry after divorce.

              Women often take time away from work (government sanctioned) because their bodies have to recover from birth. Whatever happens after that depends on the parents.

              Your post is full of alternative facts and not a single source is cited. Please do some basic googling (or hell, read the links provided! Or listen to the podcast in the original post!) before replying.

              Comment

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